Turn 40Boris has begun the awakening of Azathoth. Everyone else in the normal universe and timeframe receives a -1 penalty this turn. Delta would have received bonuses, so he just gets an unmodified roll.
Put in ear plugs and go wake up Azatoth with blood magic, so he saves us from Thainos and goat shitters
3+1One more time. You block out the maddening pipes and concentrate on your blood magic. You reach out through the shadowy parts of the universe, and you touch the mind of the Daemon Sultan. The blind eyes of the Nuclear Chaos roll in their sockets and the eternal piping draws to a close. Azathoth is waking up. When he does, this universe and all within it will simply and utterly cease to be.
Remember the nanovirus glands? Release it now so that it consumes the biological blood cages and frees the souls of the captured Seven. Being an incorporeal eldritch ghost, I should be immune to it's effects.
2-1You try to release the nanovirus, but a wave of misfortune seems to roll across the universe as you do. Somehow, your own venom affects you from within. Despite being a ghost, you start to suffer from it.
"Hey Burt sorry to show up unannounced but I need some of the sun's DNA for something I'm doing, and you still owe me from when I helped you get rid of that mailman you killed with a shovel."
Convince Burt to give me some Sun DNA.
4Burt glances over your shoulder to see if any "Governments" are following you, and escorts both of you into his compound. He hangs back as you walk and keeps a hand on his gun, just in case you turn on him. Finally, you enter a sealed chamber. It is much cleaner than the rest of the compound. Inside is several glass jars containing golden glowing strands of Sun DNA. The strands look to be at least a yard long and fairly heavy. Burt speaks as he gets out a strand and hands it to you. "This what you needed? I hope it's important, it takes a good bit of effort to get these out."
try to sneak away before being noticed
(I enjoyed it. I’m glad that writing it also serves as practice for the future. Don’t worry, you won’t have to do it again)
I guess I don’t know who Azatoth is
(In HP Lovecraft's horror stories,
Azathoth is the monstrous god at the center of the universe.)
2-1You try to sneak away, but are hit by some sort of psychic ripple in reality. The effects of this drive the Eldritch creatures into a frenzy. Some flee back through their portal, while others snap and gnash their jaws in search of something to tear. One of the smaller ones notices you and jets over to attack.
Close the portal to the Elemental Plane of Milk.
If that fails punch a second portal this one to the Elemental Plane of Nothingness and put it under the portal to the Elemental Plane of Milk.
4-1You mostly seal up the portal, although a small pinhole in the air is still dripping milk. You could seal up the remainder, but using the Plane of Nothingness (Also called the Void) for such a purpose might backfire dangerously.
Go through everything the vacuum picked up. Every signgle thing. Keep the water, it might have magical properties. Remove any objects of interest. And... Get a drink. The ol’ throat’s in quite a state.
4, 1, 3You search through the giant pile of detritus accumulated from millennia of people and circumstance dumping things into the well. Most of it is just sand, animal bones, or assorted garbage. Oddly enough, everything is absolutely dry. There is no water or other liquid at all in there. You find a few bottles and canteens, but their contents are completely drained. With help from your TARDIS's computer, you eventually locate and isolate the bones of the Seven goats. After transferring them to a lab for study, you go to grab a drink. You find a food machine, but it only produces bars that simulate the nutritional effects of various drinks without the taste.
Yoink! Remember to also ring the doorbell and hide after yoinking the Milk.
5You open an umbrella for safety and dart over to the door. You snatch up the milk, ring the doorbell, and hide in the bushes. The door opens, and reality buckles around you. You see a vision of the house erupting into chaos, fights breaking out, Space Marines dueling in the street, the fall of Genericville, Angelo/Diablo battling a giant corpse-demon, and ultimately the destruction of the world itself. However, you are also aware of Shaun O'Brian, who time travels back from the tipping point and delivers the milk you just stole. You open an umbrella for safety and dart over to the door. You snatch up the milk, ring the doorbell, and hide in the bushes. The door opens, and reality buckles around you.
The world dies, Shaun resurrects it, you take the milk and hide. Death. Return. Repeat. You feel yourself getting unhinged from reality. You live a billion years. You never lived at all. Eternity spins in an instant. Your only hope is the Glove. You take the Time Milk in your right hand and smash it over your left. A green glow marks the pentultimate Milk's addition to your collection. You make a fist and reflexively return yourself to the day of your theft. This time, you watch from a distance. Shaun delivers the Milk, creating the your native timeline. You steal it, creating another. In this way, two stable timelines exist from this moment, switching like the faces of a spinning coin. It's all very confusing, but the Time Milk gives you some inherent comprehension of what has happened.
In any event, you continue to exist in your original timeline, although you're still in 2017.
One left.
Remove the advertisements.
Anyway, now, with the information GiantDad uncovered, let’s try to figure out where Thainos is most likely to be.
3, 3You remove most of the ads with GiantDad's help. All the visible ones have been cleared, but your drones still like to bring up the mobile games in conversation with the humans whenever they get a chance. You also analyze McFly's warnings to discover Thainos' likely location on Earth. It's an ancient neighborhood, full of fancy early-period 21st century homes. His exact destination appears to be an ancient crater where one of the houses once stood. GiantDad immediately deploys troops, but doesn't find anything. Thainos is likely long gone by now, if his attack took place in McFly's day.
"The fuck? Our ship has holoposters of naked, four-breasted alien chicks on the hull! Delta, deal with it, quickly!"
Assist with the removal of ads, then beam down some Imperial Guard onto Thainos' potential location.
4-1, 5-1You successfully help Delta clear the ads, despite your computers suddenly becoming more difficult to operate and their error messages including oddly personal criticisms of your efforts.
Delta flies you to Thainos' extrapolated location and you send troops, but they don't find any traces of him in the crater where an old house once stood. A few artifacts are secured, such as an abandoned helmet with faded red paint and long horns, but nothing that seems particularly relevant.
Your troops also report that an Ecclesiarchy sermon is being played over their radios, sent from Primus' ship.
Silence: Continues onward!
6-1"Oh hi Satan, it's actually just me right now, the other two are asleep. Oh, and some guy and his eldritch abomination friends made plans to try and take Hell from you, I suggest mobilizing some demons to eradicate them."
Inform Satan of the 7, RGN, and the Eldritch beings and convince him to punish them for attempting to take his kingdom.
3You tell Satan about the problem. He acknowledges you, but doesn't seem inclined to help.
"Tell this to Diablo, when he awakens. I am not inclined to assist in this. Hell is not currently at risk from threats to the material world, but mass deaths there will send us many souls. Besides, I'm sure you three can take care of this yourselves. As I said, get off my throne."Upon saying this, Satan picks you up with one hand and roughly drops you on the floor a few feet away. He then retakes his throne and claps his hands to reawaken Diablo, and by extension Angelo.
"Awaken, my emissary. The planes are yet again in jeopardy. Go fix it before the problems reach Hell again."Hm, weird. Guess he's going after some milk-related time thing. Time to contact the Ordos Chronos to deal with this time fuckery. To bad the box forces me to brodcast old Echlisiarchy sermons onto the planet below. Don't wanna make the Emperor mad about this, but what can you do? Hopefully they don't take it seriously, right?
(I'm not too familiar with 40k lore. Why would you get in trouble for doing that? I know the Emperor doesn't like the Imperium being a theocracy, but does anyone else know that?)
2-1You try to contact the Ordos Chronos, but they don't respond to your signals this time. Instead, all you accomplish is attracting attention as you beam sermons to Earth's radios. Most people who hear the message are just confused, although a few convert to worshipping the Emperor of Mankind on the spot.
Thainos has five of the six Infinity Milks.
The Seven will devour the mortal universe in four turns unless prevented.
Azathoth will end the dream of the universe in five turns unless prevented.
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Topic: Minimalism and Milk 3 (Read 137516 times)