Turn 39"Damn it Burt I haven't got time for your anti-government shit right now!"
Wait for him to stop firing and do the secret hand signal that proves I not with the government that he taught me, if that fails just sneak into his house trough the sewer and unplug his weapons.
5You stick out your hands and do the elaborate signals Burt taught you to convince him that you aren't a "government". The guns still and Burt allows you to leave cover. The barrels briefly spin back to life when Hooded Bob steps out behind you, but then he does the exact same hand signal and Burt stands down. The sound of innumerable locks click open from a tiny door as Burt invites you into the compound. He wears disheveled clothing, and one of his antlers is broken off at the middle. A glowing gun charged with sunlight is tucked into his belt.
Try do blood ritual to awaken Azatoth from his slumber, it will probably save us from seven, thanos and other bullshit . proficency in blood magic should help
1+1You switch over to the blood magic you're more familiar with and attempt the ritual again. The maddening pipes still overcome your power, but at least your skill saves you from having it backfire.
"Come on Doc, we need to save the universe and make it perfectly balanced."
Good thing we have the Space Milk, portal time!
4+1Oh yeah. You point the Glove ahead of the DeLorean and teleport it all the way across the country. That was easy. You even get lucky enough to appear in a tunnel, so you have time to shield yourself from the Sun as Doc drives. You pull into the correct street just in time to see someone appear in a time machine, run up to the door to drop off the milk, knock, and leave just as quickly.
now that the eldritch are asleep, cage One again, then when One is caged go after the next closest member of the Seven and cage them too. Repeat until all seven of the Seven are caged or until I fail at caging one of them
(The Seven aren't asleep, but One is still caged. You put his soul in a cage, it's just his empty body that's free.)
5Still injured by the Eldritch creature's attacks, you dart over and attack Four. Once again, your supernatural blood allows you to overcome him and trap his soul. However, it takes more effort this time, and leaves you off guard when Nugh charges you and tears you apart with his seven jaws.
As Nuhg devours you, your consciousness transfers to a small piece of your overall mass and ejects, resetting you to your original state. At least you delayed the apocalypse again.
Tear Rana apart into chunks with my seven goat jaws, powered by my insatiable caprine hunger.
6-1 vs 5-1Rana has demonstrated somewhat superior physical strength, but is already injured by your Eldritch ally and distracted by the effort of trapping Four. This leaves her easy prey. You swiftly float up behind her, open your many jaws, and tear her apart.
Try opening another portal this time to obtain either dream Milk or ghost Milk. I Just need milk to clean the floors any kind works.
6+1You just need any sort of milk? That can be provided. You punch a hole to the Elemental Plane of Milk. The Milk sprays out at an unstoppable pace at the floor. The area affecting quickly gets clean, but then the metal floor starts to dent and warp under the pressure.
Try to figure out a way to use computer logic to disable magic abilities in a field around the Moloko.
3Applying your quantum brain to the problem, you figure out how to reverse the polarity of the observation decks to create an antimagic field and test the result. It doesn't work as well as you'd hoped. It's clearly there, but it only interferes with magic that is physically in contact with a narrow forcefield wrapping around the ship. It could block spells coming in, but couldn't stop them from inside.
Okay, Primus should bugger off to his own, brand new ship.
Check all of the systems for damage, then try to find traces of Thainos again.
1, Auto-4 for Thainos' 6.You try to check for damage, but in the process you accidentally click a popup ad. Before one of Delta's subroutines can contain the damage, it downloads a virus that adds advertising for Dcoan T're's mobile gaming industry to the Moloko's Gothic architecture and exterior hull.
Deciding that you can deal with the problem later, you attempt to find traces of Thainos. To your surprise, the computer returns a result in the form of old archive files. Someone from 2017 named Marty McFly put a great deal of effort into seeding time capsules that state a friend of his named "Doc Brown" was abducted by Thainos and begging people from the future to help. His story is collaborated by photographs of Thainos leaving in Brown's car with the doctor in tow.
Silence: Calls for help!
6Behin talking about my permit, but deliberately begin talking about something merging off-topic. String together the weirdest, most boring, and most random of the assorted facts, half-remembered stories, interesting details on the nature of the time continuum, why the molecular structure of milk coincidently means it’s one of the most powerful liquids in the universe under the right conditions, the social-economic history of the Soviet Union, and if he asks about anything, string off more random facts and stories that are connected to what he’s talking about Kindof sortof if you turn them upside down and immerse them in Champaign then they kinda make sense yeah until he goes away. Ask him why he’s leaving so soon without actually referring to the situation at hand, and then turn on the vacuum and get the hell out of dodge once everything’s up. But maybe do try and convince the Tardis to bacome something reasonable, like a sedan chair, or literally anything that’s not a blue police box. If it becomes an old Irish phone box, declare a compromise reached.
I want to hear the whole conversation in turn description. My conversations in real life frequently veer in odd directions without me trying. I can only imagine how confusing it would be if I tried to distract someone
I would like to formally apologise to the other players, the GM, and the Universe for what I have done.
6, 4, 2+1 Irish bonus*.(*Cracks knuckles.*)
(**Looks down to see that knuckles are unfortunately not broken, and I actually have to write this thing.**)
(***Fine.***)
As the guard approaches you for your permit, you begin talking to keep him distracted.
"So, you need the permit. I'll get that for you right away, don't worry. Not sure where I put it though, hold on. I hope this doesn't take up too much of your time. You know, I'm actually a bit of an expert on time you know, a history buff of sorts. You know, I worked as a milkman once. Lost the job, stole some milk. May not seem related, but your whole world basically revolves around that. Timey-wimey ball. Like Angelo/Diablo. Angel-demon thing. You wouldn't know him. He fought ATHATH. Now ATHATH, he was a dangerous one. He tried to kill the Earth a few times. On that, you know we're not using the original Sun? It actually got changed out in the Middle Ages. Not where I'm from, but that's modernity for you. All this came from the milk delivery of course. Milk is in fact one of the most important things in the universe, when you really look into it! Think about it, mammals drink milk. Dinosaurs didn't, and you don't see any more of those, do you. 'Cept maybe birds. Of course, they've got pigeons, so maybe the pigeons grandfather the others in? Crop milk and all. Like I said, you're talking to a history expert. Any questions?"Of course I know Angelo/Diablo and ATHATH. Come on, I took elementary history. They're a companion and enemy of the Grail, respectively. Every kid knows
that. Anyway, I just wanted to see your papers."
"Oh yes, I was just getting to that. The papers. You know, the Warsaw Pact was a particularly important paper.""I'm sorry sir, I might have dozed off that day. What's the Warsaw Pact?
"You don't know? Oh yeah, you wouldn't. The Grail and all. Anyway, so there was this Tsar, Romanov, Russian guy. He was, wait. First there was a German named Marx. Not Mark, Marx. He didn't like it when rich people, when people were poor? Wait, I've got a better idea. So there are these farm animals, see, so they all live in a farm. And the farmer, Farmer Jones, they obviously don't like getting eaten. So this big pig, he tells the others, they've got to stand up to Jones. So the animals, they all stand up to Farmer Jones one night. And they get rid of him, but the big pig is dead. Not from the fight, he was already dead. Not like a zombie, he died in between. ANYWAY. The animals, they all get together and decide to run the farm. And there are these two pigs in charge, Napoleon and Snowflake. They represent...oh right, you wouldn't know. All the pigs are in charge, but some of them are more in charge than others. So Snowflake and Napoleon...""Excuse me sir, is Napoleon named after someone?"
"Sure, short guy, actually tall, liked to keep his hand in his shirt and ride horses. Not at the same time, that'd be difficult. It's not important. There's also this grumpy donkey, he knows what's up. So the animals all decide to build a windmill for some reason. I forget why. The human farmers don't appreciate this disruption of course, so they all team up to attack the farm. There's a big fight, and the animals defeat the humans. But it's all for nothing, because the humans blow up the windmill anyway. It's very sad. Snowflake and Napoleon, they get into a final fight over who should be in charge, but Napoleon cheats by using the attack dogs he trained earlier to chase off Snowflake. Once he's gone, Napoleon takes charge and starts blaming all the problems on Snowflake. He also takes the loyal horse who obeyed the pigs all this time and sells him for glue when he gets hurt. The donkey tried to stop it, but he fails. Things take a turn for the worse. Napoleon and his pigs get more and more evil, and they get rid of the laws they painted on the barn, and eventually it's just "Some animals are more equal than others." The pigs start dealing with the human farmers, and they change the Animal Farm's name back to Manor Farm. The animals watch through the windows as the pigs are playing cards with the humans, and then the pigs turn into humans.""I'm sorry, but I don't see how this answers my question regarding the Warsaw Pact. I'm guessing this is some sort of allegory?"
"Yeah, it's how you shouldn't do dictator stuff. All Orwell's books were about that, since he lived with Hitler and Stalin after all.""Hitler and Stalin?"
"You don't wanna know.""Wait, I think I remember Hitler. Yeah, isn't he famous as that guy who tried to start an empire in like, the 19th century or something. I mean, it's hard to forget the mental image of the guy getting eaten by three sharks at once, after all."
"Three sharks? That's...impressive. You remember what kind?""Great whites, right? To be honest, that's the only one I really know. My kid could name 'em all, but honestly all I know about sharks is what I learned in the old "Jaws" movie. You know, I still find it a bit odd that our constitution forbids any other shark movies for all time. Does that ever strike you as odd?"
"No.""Huh."
"Yeah. To be honest, I haven't messed with-I mean, I haven't followed much of the politics in this empire, but I really stand by-support-that one. Support. You ever played support?""Support?"
"You know, clerics. Healers. Support classes, I hope you don't mind me getting on my soapbox, but support is really the heart of the team. The other members of the team, they always get the credit. Everybody likes to be the hero with the sword who slays the dragon, or the sneaky thief, or the wizard who throws around fireballs. You know where those guys would be without the support? Dead. In a ditch. How do you like that? Support gets no credit, cause they're standing in the back. It really isn't fair. Everyone, Everyone wants to be Batman, but where would he be without his support? No Commissioner Gordon? Nobody to tell him about the crimes. Batman's just running around Gotham, hoping to find crimes by pure chance. No Alfred? Then he's got no butler. Batman lives in an actual Batcave, of all places. Whose gonna clean all the guano off the Batmobile? Batman's just gonna be spending all his time doing chores, no time for fighting clowns. On that, no Robin? He's got nobody in a colorful red suit, nobody to draw fire. Batman's gonna have to dodge all those bullets himself, and that's gotta be way harder than finding new orphans.""Batman?"
"You don't know who-""Just messing with you, sir. Course I know who Batman is. Anyway, your papers, please."
"Oh, right. You know what DC actually stands for? "Detective Comics". So it's actually "Detective Comics Comics." That's always fun to know.""Papers, sir."
"Right then, here you go."You hand the guard a wad of papers from your pocket, which he quickly skims over.
"This is a menu for a pub-wait, where'd you go?" he says to an empty room.
While the guard was distracted, you've long since vacuumed up the bones of the original Seven goats. As he glances over the note, you flee back into your TARDIS and dematerialize. You also adjust your TARDIS to use a better disguise. In the process, you accidentally lock it in the form of an Irish phone box.
(OOC:*It goes against my instincts as a GM to give you an arbitrary bonus like that, but I looked up a picture of one of those phone boxes and felt that you riding around in a TARDIS version of those was too fitting to let fail. Also, I hope you and Naturegirl enjoyed the speech. I had fun with it, and it was useful practice for writing dialogue. Probably gonna rip Shaun's legs off if I ever have to do it again, though.)
Ok, try to wake up Angelo and Diablo.
I have no idea why I’m suddenly so bad at getting actions in.
1You attempt to reawaken Angelo and Diablo, but are unable to do so yet. As you sit on the throne and try to wake them up, Satan returns with a contingent of demons.
"Thank you, Diablo. You have served me well by restoring my kingdom. I will be taking back control now, so please, get off my throne.Deploy to my new ship, and head to where Thainos was last sighted: "Earth"
5You leave the bridge peacefully with Alpha and Omega squads in tow, head down to the warp bay, and teleport over to your own ship. As requested, the architecture resembles a dark and Gothic church with the occasional bit of exposed technology. You then fly your ship away from the Moloko and into Earth's orbit. You check the scanners, but they don't detect Thainos on the surface.
Thainos has four of the six Infinity Milks.
The Seven will devour the mortal universe in five turns unless prevented.
Author
Topic: Minimalism and Milk 3 (Read 136425 times)