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[Mobbstar]

To guarantee compliance with the Valve contract, Toady travels back in time and removes Adventure Mode from all versions to have ever existed.

[PlumpHelmetMan]

Better yet: have Toady cause alterations to the timestream that will ensure the Steam version of DF is the only one that's ever existed, so that there's no DF Classic to compare it to in the first place.

He can only accomplish this by taking a copy of The Hobbit's first edition to the late Cretaceous and throwing it at the head of a very specific Velociraptor.

[Mobbstar]

Only dwarves who have served at least two years in an active squad receive citizenship.  Everyone else is demoted to civilian and disallowed from voting a mayor.

[King Zultan]

Dwarves are no longer allowed to be mayor.

[delphonso]

Dwarves are no longer allowed to be dwarves.

[Uthimienure]

Dwarf Fortress is now called Bugbear Dungeon

[Starver]

Everything in the game is generated procedurally from just one, very short RAW file, but that has to be the EICAR Test File. So too does the main executable.

[SixOfSpades]

Replace all wild animals with Chuck Testa.

[Mr Crabman]

You can't just put an alpha game on Steam and leave it like that for 20 years or whatever length of time; delay the Steam release until DF is well and truly complete, at 1.0

[Uthimienure]

Let each player to sign up for a memorial slab in the game when it's released, because many of us won't live long enough to see v1.0

[PlumpHelmetMan]

Let's save a memorial stone for Toady as well, since there's a chance he won't live long enough to release 1.0 either.

[brewer bob]

Dwarf Fortress is now called Bugbear Dungeon

I would certainly play that!

[Mr Crabman]

Let's save a memorial stone for Toady as well, since there's a chance he won't live long enough to release 1.0 either.

To make sure Toady lives to release 1.0, force-feed him vampire blood to turn him into a vampire (or make him read the secrets of life and death) and then seal him inside a tiny boxed room with no doors, or alcohol. If it's good enough for bookkeeping, it's good enough for game development.

[King Zultan]

Every purchase of Dwarf Fortress on Steam now gives you enough vampire blood to turn you so you can live long enough to see the 1.0 release.

[Mobbstar]

To meet the afforementioned demand for vampire blood, Bay12 calls for a new kind of donation.  Volunteers are awarded with an Armok-Thumbs-Up sticker and a candy.