0/1/alot
“A better idea? Like kicking the door down?”“Do not question the will of the Kung Fu!”Kung Fu Man walks up to the frozen cow creature and cracks his knuckles.
“Let’s get you out of here, big guy.”You easily heave the jumbo cowsicle over your shoulders and bring him out to the food prep area. Surely something here can defrost the beast in a timely manner.
“You sure this is a good idea?”“Hey Colonel! Where would the warm goo vat be in a place like this?!?”
“This is a damn fast food restaurant, Man. You know what? I’ve seen enough here.I’m gonna head back to the safehouse and crack open a couple of beers.”And with that, the Colonel leaves you and the cow, still frozen in a vaguely menacing pose, alone in the kitchen. You only other company is the low hum of the air conditioners and the occasional blood curdling scream from the front.
“I think I know what to do…”[6]
Microwave? Check. Griddle? Check. Deep fryer? Occupied, but check. These devices will make adequate substitutes for the goo vats. Now the next problem is the size of the cow. Different parts of the cow obviously have different ranges of thickness, so different defrosting times. Maybe roll out a dough bed for it to keep warm. Maybe those packets of special sauce will come in handy. Do they have the proper seasonings here? Are there any quick read thermometers? You dig around and find a cleaver turn towards the frozen Minotaur….
-One undefined time skip later- *tap tap*What’s that?
*tap tap*Someone is tapping your shoulder. That’s odd..
*tap tap*You turn around and shout.
“What!?!” It's the two chickens. They’re blankly staring at you. One of them is gesturing to the door.
“The peppercorn sauce is almost finished reducing. Then we can go.”The chickens continue to stare blankly.
Wait.
Peppercorn sauce? What were you doing again? Where does peppercorn sauce fit in? There was a frozen cow creature…
You turn and look around the kitchen. The two Squire bodies are gone. So is the cow. The food prep area is an absolute mess. The only thing here is this intricately designed puff pastry placed together with some caramelized potato fondant on a fancy plate
Wait.You look at the empty space where the Minotaur was
Wait.You look at the entree on the counter. A nice savory smell.
Wait just one damn second."..."
“...... Fuck.”
ITEM GET!-
Meat Cleaver-
5 Star Beef(?) WellingtonYou sheepishly shove the dish into your mailbag and quietly leave, avoiding eye contact with the two chickens and injured man impaled with a couple dozen sporks.
Scene Change! Hamburger Fiefdom -> Run Down Safe HouseThe Colonel is downing beer in the alleyway outside the apartment. You can’t tell if he is solely responsible for all the empty bottles but it's quite clear that he made his contribution.
“Hey. You...uhh.. Did what you...with the cow, yeah?”“Oh yeah! Of course! Yeah!”“I put the… uh.. File. Right on the table. Right there on the table. I have to debrief with my chicken friends, so you go up first.”
You hurry up the stairs and into the dingy safehouse, still somewhat embarrassed over what happened to the bipedal cow earlier. You see an orange clasp envelope on the table, as expected. Written on the envelope in grease pen is “
#78 Chef Man." You move to pick up the file but are stopped by mischievous thoughts.
“There’s nobody here…”Your eyes are drawn to a conspicuous box jammed with other orange envelopes and manilla folders. You see some familiar names. Names of people prominent within the Anti-Kung Fu Man Society. You easily estimate that you could read one file before Colonel and his chickens return...
A) Read the file: Suave Dude
B) Read the file: Science Guy
C) Read the file: Game Boy
D) The Chef Man file is enough. No need to be covert here.
Health: Kung Okay!
Equipment: White Battle Gi, Black Belt, Blue Headband
Wallet: 190 Moolah
Traits: Path of JC (lvl1)- Increased effectiveness when using improvised weapons
Items: Bag of Mail - You could deliver a nasty paper cut with all those bills
Mail-truck Keys: Keys to the Kung Fu Fist Delivery Truck
Wooden Sword: Careful, you might get a splinter swinging that around
Rubber Chicken Bullhorn: It screams with the might of a thousand condemned chickens
Medieval Horn (broken): As useful as scrap metal until fixed
Cleaver: Chop that meat! *Jazz solo*
5 Star Beef(?) Wellington: It is an amazing dish...perfect for an elegant dinner party, or perhaps a sophisticated holiday feast!
Kung Fu Special Techniques:
-Kung Fu Palm Thrust (lv1): A straight thrust to the gut. [small chance to stun]
-Kung Fu Chop (lvl1): Slice through defense with your bare hands! [chance to ignore armor]
-Ro-Sham-Bo: Channel your energy for a devastating maneuver [requires charge-up, chance to stun, high chance of critical hit]
Author
Topic: The Saga of Kung Fu Man! Ch.1 Wooo in the hell is this...? (Read 11249 times)