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How fun is SPAMKINGDOM series?

Mind-bogglingly popular game series that you follow from early on and cannot stop, waiting for new installment like a drooling addict.
Long-runner soap opera you're too invested into to just stop watching it.
A fun little comic strip in the daily newspaper that's been around forever.
3/6
Who said it's fun? I didn't for sure.
I'm just waiting here for it to die horribly already so it will stop showing on my Unread Posts list.

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Author Topic: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!  (Read 786610 times)

omada

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16095 on: April 26, 2019, 09:51:40 pm »

C

help to take care of the wounded
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He is short, with a small and failed beard
He likes wood, spears, ducks for their nobility, and rabbits for their weak hearts and funny reproduction rate.
he has a hard time to focus, and values, err almost everything, he dreams of mastering a skill.

Weirdsound

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16096 on: April 27, 2019, 01:40:38 am »

C

help to take care of the wounded


Yeah. We do have the Wise trait. Wonder if that does cover medical knowledge? C
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Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16097 on: April 27, 2019, 02:33:39 am »

You decide to rest and recuperate along with your Army.

In the next few days, you learn that Danus was indeed killed during the battle and that his army split; a larger part, mostly of infantry, carrying the wounded, is on the march to Rucus. The others, numbering about ten thousand of light cavalry and able-bodied infantry, have moved west, on their way to join Caius Cuscus.

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2

Your Army is pinned, as disease wreaks havoc amongst your soldiers. Thousands suffer from fever and gut maladies, and few dozen have already perished.

1217 AD, Late Winter

Scouts bring news; the beaten-up mass of Damdamians have crossed into Kingdom of Rucus, while Caius Cuscus' forces now number around thirty five thousand. They have problems siegeing the strategic locations of Eval, however, as the snow slows down their movements and lack of Fireblood support and bombardments hinders capture attempts.

A messenger arrives from the Palace!

Kind enough to repay your cartographers' visitation, the half-elves of Sylevessef sent a delegation bearing gifts! They've brought lots of iron-wrought cloth, as well as delicious fruit wines. They had few Albionese sailors with them as translators.

They've were astonished to see horses and other animals for the first time, and spent quite few days touring the capital city. Not much in terms of diplomacy was done as you were not present at the palace, but the half-elves have departed in friendship and gratitude, having been gifted steel and gold items by your courtiers.

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2

The situation at your camp have deteriorated rapidly over the past week! Your massed troops have been a wonderful vector for the gut disease, and the healers, despite trying their hardest, must report to you that about two-thirds of your Army - that is over twenty thousand troops - is suffering sickness, and two thousand have already perished.

The cold winter weather isn't helping things, too.

A) We must return to the capital and seek aid and supplies!
B) We ought to stay here and wait some more.
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Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

Kashyyk

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16098 on: April 27, 2019, 03:01:18 am »

A would mean a better chance of healing them, but it also risks infecting the entire capital. If only we had an option to visit a minor city and get help there...

Screw it,  A. We can't afford to lose so many men to General Plague. We've still got Caius to deal with.
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Weirdsound

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16099 on: April 27, 2019, 04:17:56 am »

A would mean a better chance of healing them, but it also risks infecting the entire capital. If only we had an option to visit a minor city and get help there...

Screw it,  A. We can't afford to lose so many men to General Plague. We've still got Caius to deal with.

A

But I wish we had the option to try negotiation again. Caius seems reasonable enough, and his own efforts are stalling out.
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mightymushroom

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16100 on: April 27, 2019, 06:46:44 am »

A
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Prophet

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16101 on: April 27, 2019, 07:05:31 am »

A
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.... You've doomed us all. Granted. Everyone except for traps are executed. Random sci-fi nonsense is required to be taught in schools.
A cute intersex harem with everyone in love with the androgynous king and smart and useful enough into pushing the kingdom forward.

Hotfire90

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16102 on: April 27, 2019, 09:53:29 am »

A
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auzewasright

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16103 on: April 27, 2019, 09:04:46 pm »

A, I doubt the Damdamians are any better off, we can wait to recover.
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helmacon

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16104 on: April 27, 2019, 10:00:36 pm »

A
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omada

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16105 on: April 27, 2019, 11:25:00 pm »

A And we can send tatical teams of healthy men to  make some minor raids on the enemies supply
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Competent reader (any know lenguage)
Novice english wordsmith
Dabbling english speaker (rusty)
He is short, with a small and failed beard
He likes wood, spears, ducks for their nobility, and rabbits for their weak hearts and funny reproduction rate.
he has a hard time to focus, and values, err almost everything, he dreams of mastering a skill.

Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16106 on: April 28, 2019, 03:22:39 am »

You decide to march your troops to the capital.

Quote
4

On the way there, you too catch the gut malady. But after you're easily confined and given soups and herbal mixtures to calm down your stomach and keep fever down, you recover the night before arrival.

After returning home, you're greeted by your wife and children. You inspect the intricately woven iron-wrought coat the half-elves of Sylevessef left for you, and its adorned with copper clasps and stone beads interwoven into sleeves and collar.

And it's as inpractical and dangerous to wear as you have suspected.

You call for the people to provide for the army, and for the army to recuperate.

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3

The reports you get from your administrators and noblemen aren't very positive. The implementation of Bill of Rights meant that many aristocrats and officials feel threatened, being (in theory at least) judged the same way as the commoners. On other hand, the commoners are quite aggressive in trying to exploit the Bill and in fact there have been instances of breaching the Rights by themselves, too.

It will take at least one more year before the Bill will be accepted as common law by all the social classes...

1217 AD, End of the Year

The time you spend with your wife is minimal for scribes and officials and noblemen wish to speak with you on many, many things.

And now, just as you think you can get yourself a goblet of wine, certain elderly man steps inside your chambers.

"I've brought Scrolls of Kingdom Status, my liege!" The Advisor speaks rather jovially.

Quote
2to4*, 5to6(1to4), 3to6

Happiness: 5
Population: 8
Economy: 5
Army: 8(+3)
Imp.Authority: +1

It seems that your Army haven't been depleted that much over last half a year. If not for the disease amongst your troops, it would be even higher.

"Emperor, I want to report that everything is proceeding smoothly at the moment. There are no oustanding problems, the trade and mining provide steady supply of money, and the Army, along with Helliste support, remains strong and ready."

"The Imperial authority is quite high. Do you wish to issue an Edict this year?"

A) "Mmkay."
B) "No!"
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

Kashyyk

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16107 on: April 28, 2019, 03:35:02 am »

A - Let's have a look at the list
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helmacon

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16108 on: April 28, 2019, 08:08:11 am »

A
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Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #16109 on: April 28, 2019, 08:18:52 am »

MILITARY EDICTS:

Matters of military hierarchy, philosophy of war and development of military tech.

Adopt Fireblood Skirmisher Tactics:
Fireblood weapons are currently slow to load and rather inaccurate, but smoke and thunder they make alone can shatter morale. Some believe that if the hand-held Fireblood weapons are given to highly mobile units (cavalry), they could strike terror into enemy's ranks, allowing massed spear-and-sword infantry to advance afterwards and decimate the demoralized enemy troops.

Reform Military Administration:
Recent developments both on and off the field, combined with the size of our Empire, show that one big Army is not enough from logistical standpoint. We should reorganize the Imperial Army, splitting it into cohesive, standarized units capable of smooth coordination with each other. Of course, such sophistication will lead to greater expenses needed to sustain the new administration and logistics.

BUREAUCRATIC EDICTS:

Matters of administration and government.

Establish Passage Tax: (once in effect: 1142 - 1169 AD)
All those travelers, adventurers, merchants and others are moving through the country for free! Let's establish a tax for those entering and leaving our country - this will earn us nice profits each year, although it might slow down immigration and convince some merchants to seek passage through elsewhere.

Introduce Fireblood Tariffs:
Fireblood, as well as its components, are both valuable, important, and traded in large quantities. While a royal tariff on the mineral and Fireblood traders would surely hamper our trade and possibly lower amount of the precious black substance available for the Army, it could bring invaluable yearly profits to the Treasury.

Establish Imperial Trade Commission: (once in effect: 1167 AD - 1186 AD)
To ensure stricter and better control of trade in the Empire and through its borders, an imperial guild of trade and commerce should be created. Its officials will keep an ever-vigilant eye on market trends, supply and demand, as well as establish and maintain favorable tariffs and taxes on goods, and help our merchants gain upper hand over foreigners. Hopefully, they will avoid price gouging, corruption, favoritism and other nasty things.

Issue The Codex of Succession:
Currently, the selection process for heirs isn't codified, and Imperial bureaucracy does not keep track of potential heirs too well. By institutionalizing the whole selection process, greater amount of information about potential heirs would be available. On the other hand, allowing bureaucrats, of all people, have a say about who is and isn't allowed to sit on the throne might be a rather dangerous proposition.

CULTURAL EDICTS:

Matters of religion, culture and art.

Endorse State Patronage of Arts: (once in effect: 1174 - 1215 AD)
To help develop the nation culturally, set aside certain amount of budget money to sponsor sculptors, poets, musicians and painters. It will be a constant drain on the Treasury, but think of how prestigious your nation will become, what with those masterpieces of art popping left and right!

Proclaim Religious Equality: (once in effect: 1135 - 1172 AD)
Travelers, merchants, immigrants; they all bring new beliefs and philosophies into the country. Rather than fight those foreign influences, it might be best to allow all peoples free worship on equal level no matter the size and beliefs of the congregation, to help all different worshippers achieve a certain degree to harmony and peace.

Enforce Religious Unity:
Strengthen the nation and culture of the Empire by disallowing foreign faiths to preach freely in the Empire, as well as prevent rise of sects, zealots and fanatical schismatics amongst the clergy by declaring heresy a crime against the Empire, the Emperor, and his subjects.

Promote Missionary Orders:
Promote our faith outside the Imperial borders with monetary and political support from the Crown for the preachers and missionary groups. This will surely strengthen our state religion, on the other hand, it will probably upset religious minorities within the borders and our 'heathen' neighbours outside them.

---

REVOKE EDICT: Revokes a previously implemented edict, either to cut spending, appease some disgruntled subjects, or both. On the other hand, it might tick off some other peoples, potentially causing a deadly cascade of discontent.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: April 28, 2019, 08:30:44 am by Haspen »
Logged
SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.
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