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How fun is SPAMKINGDOM series?

Mind-bogglingly popular game series that you follow from early on and cannot stop, waiting for new installment like a drooling addict.
Long-runner soap opera you're too invested into to just stop watching it.
A fun little comic strip in the daily newspaper that's been around forever.
3/6
Who said it's fun? I didn't for sure.
I'm just waiting here for it to die horribly already so it will stop showing on my Unread Posts list.

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Author Topic: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!  (Read 786723 times)

Weirdsound

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8685 on: March 21, 2018, 03:00:20 am »

We are much bigger than them. We can afford to roll the country.
Not necessarily true - as a kingdom they can also have Army values approaching or equal to 10. If we had 11 or 12, then I'd tend to agree with you.

Actually, it just dawned on me, we are likely running into battle with a +4 before taking size and opposing strengths into account. (+2 Martial, +1 Fireblood Weapons, +1??? Codex Training Edict) I'm not going to change my vote, but I think we can afford to play very aggressively. We should be able to fight through a size disadvantage unless the enemy has other factors going for them.

Herta looks fine and full of energy. She seems also very interested in the books in the royal library, as well as ponies in the palatial stables, and also the local embroidery and fabrics knitted by the matrons.

I can't tell if our new daughter-in-law is Healthy or Wise. I'm hoping for healthy myself, as I'd like Llewyn to have a decent sized batch of heirs before we risk sending him on dangerous diplomacy missions.
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mightymushroom

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8686 on: March 21, 2018, 08:07:56 am »

Interest in books may be because they're a novelty in Albion? Healthy would be good, a brood of grandkids will do wonders to stop any muttering over Houlandin's own lack of wife and backups. I only hope she's not too energetic for Llewyn to keep happy.

A
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Arlos

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8687 on: March 21, 2018, 11:32:16 am »

B the other choice doesn’t strike me as a good idea, it sound like asking to have our supply line cut.
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Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8688 on: March 21, 2018, 11:37:47 am »

You decide to tie up the border forts and then march onto the capital.

Three large and surely important enough keeps are attacked and besieged in a span of the week. Your raiders are terrorizing the populace while scouts are making inroads into the deeper territory of Lametania.

1155 AD, Summer

News from the royal chambers! You've become an uncle once again; Bjeda, wife of Eivan, gave birth to a boy, whom she named 'Hain'.

Just as your forces march into Lametanian heartlands almost unopposed, scouts return; a sizeable army is marching against you! The scouts weren't able to count them up properly, but there's at least ten thousand of the bunch. What's more important is that, besides the flag of Lametania, some battalions march under the banner of Kingdom of Rucus, and some even under the Imperial Banner of Damdamia, too (plus several instances of banners your scouts do not recognize)!

Two thirds of the army is comprised of footmen, of which half is crossbowmen and archers, and the remainder is some heavily armored cavalrymen. Numerous supply wagons were spotted, along with some Fireblood machines. They didn't seem to be any Methiantese design, although they were sleek and of smaller size, like Thundercats. Your officers assume these are anti-infantry weapons rather than siege ones.

This combined army is just a day south of your current position and is on direct course to intercept you. You have almost one-and-half numerical advantage over them, but who knows what they might have up their sleeves?

A) We will fight in the open field, where our numbers and skill will crush them!
B) We ought to find and/or prepare defensive positions, and await their coming.
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

Weirdsound

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8689 on: March 21, 2018, 11:42:59 am »

If they have Fireblood, I'm not sure Digging in will help.

A

Edit: Also, even though we gave them an extra month, the fact that they were able to source so much foreign help is a bit worrying. Methinks they might have some spies in our court.
« Last Edit: March 21, 2018, 11:44:58 am by Weirdsound »
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Criptfeind

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8690 on: March 21, 2018, 11:53:07 am »

A
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helmacon

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8691 on: March 21, 2018, 12:01:57 pm »

A

It should make it easier to roll Rucus after this though, if their army is already here.
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Arlos

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8692 on: March 21, 2018, 12:20:00 pm »

A let’s see how good our Army is under the Codex of Training Regimen
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Blood_Librarian

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8693 on: March 21, 2018, 12:32:30 pm »

a
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if you want something wacky
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Prophet

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8694 on: March 21, 2018, 12:33:49 pm »

B

Well here's hopin' that our Grandchildren pick up their mother's strength and size. *Prophet jots down a note to possibly begin breeding with Albion people more in order to make a line of giant kings*
« Last Edit: March 21, 2018, 12:39:29 pm by Prophet »
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.... You've doomed us all. Granted. Everyone except for traps are executed. Random sci-fi nonsense is required to be taught in schools.
A cute intersex harem with everyone in love with the androgynous king and smart and useful enough into pushing the kingdom forward.

Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8695 on: March 21, 2018, 01:00:36 pm »

You elect for the battle to take place in the open field!

As the sun begins its descent towards the horizon from the highest point on the sky, your forward troops report dust and banners of Lametanians and Damdamians before you! The two armies finally meet!

Though the enemy does not advance beyond a certain point and you stop your troops as well, aware of a trap in progress. Instead, one rider, in full armor but without decorations, rides forth toward your battle lines. His voice, demanding to meet with you, is heard above the lines clearly.

"I am Damotinian, messenger of Crown Prince Lupus Onigirus Rucus! He asks, by which right, divine or royal, dare you and your soldiers invade the peaceful soil of Rucusian ally, friend and fellow child of Damed, Lametania! If idle conquest and plunder is what you are trying to accomplish, you might as well dismiss me, for Crown Prince will not let this happen!"

A) "Away with you, then!"
B) (come up with something here)
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

10ebbor10

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8696 on: March 21, 2018, 01:08:52 pm »

So, why do we hate Lametania again?
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Kashyyk

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8697 on: March 21, 2018, 01:15:39 pm »

Disliked them since Lauthbas, we rented out our army to them before that deal broke for some reason. Nothing that'll fly though.
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Prophet

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8698 on: March 21, 2018, 01:21:11 pm »

They also broke their alliance with Cyl for no reason. So their oath breakers or something like that. I mean let's be real here. Lametania was screwed the minute we became a rival empire to Damdamia. They had to choose to ally one to ward off the other and they picked wrong with the now exploding Damdamia. I mean I knew a confrontation with Damdamia has been building since the beginning. Us 'northern' peoples have been fighting them and their influence since they first conquered the area under Lametania in the first game. The grudge has only grown since the cowards broke their word and attacked Luathbas for the last time in the first game.

A We have nothing to say to traitorous Damdamian bastards. Our reasons our are own and even if we told them there would be no peace.
« Last Edit: March 21, 2018, 03:07:15 pm by Prophet »
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.... You've doomed us all. Granted. Everyone except for traps are executed. Random sci-fi nonsense is required to be taught in schools.
A cute intersex harem with everyone in love with the androgynous king and smart and useful enough into pushing the kingdom forward.

Weirdsound

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin I of Methiant!
« Reply #8699 on: March 21, 2018, 01:23:27 pm »

So, why do we hate Lametania again?

We don't. Some genius voted to decide that the best way to Invade Rucus would be to march through Lamentania. I think they have hated us ever since Cyl got a natural 1 when offering to trade them the lands of Eval for their fealty though.

Also, as a side note, I think the rulers of Lamentia are the last remaining members of the previous Spamkingdom bloodline, so hopefully we don't have to butcher the whole family.

---

Still, we might as well offer a better reason than "lolz, we want plunder."

B: "By right of religious freedom! The gods have fragmented your empire to protect their worshipers in the north, and I would be a fool not to take the opportunity to weaken it further! Tell your Prince that I am only marching through Lamentania, and that I seek to bring religious liberty to his lands! If the empire reforms, Rucus will not be part of it!"


Actually, the Oath Breaker thing is a more legitimate gripe.

B: "My father let the royals of Lamentia get away with Oath Breaking! [Explain the issue with the promised and withheld alliance and princess] I must show the world that it cannot expect such leniency from me!"

^ That is less likely to reunite the entire empire against us just yet.
« Last Edit: March 21, 2018, 01:28:53 pm by Weirdsound »
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