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Author Topic: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja the Bewitched  (Read 36897 times)

Prophet

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymaster Vaskir Sitar of Ortfast
« Reply #180 on: May 23, 2017, 09:13:49 am »

C
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.... You've doomed us all. Granted. Everyone except for traps are executed. Random sci-fi nonsense is required to be taught in schools.
A cute intersex harem with everyone in love with the androgynous king and smart and useful enough into pushing the kingdom forward.

chubby2man

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymaster Vaskir Sitar of Ortfast
« Reply #181 on: May 23, 2017, 09:29:48 am »

B
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Sindari Immortals Play as an immortal being trying to subvert an evil empire of (for now) stronger immortals. On *very* long term hiatus.

Harry Baldman

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja of Ortfast
« Reply #182 on: May 23, 2017, 10:01:17 am »

You open the book - being a well-designed tome of fell and terrible power, it readily opens to a page full of scrawlings it feels would be pertinent to your interests. In this case, the power to take control of this situation!

Quote
3

The shadows grin and fly in your direction as you begin to read, and converge into your form through old wounds. You feel possessed by a strange and alien energy, joints snapping and arms moving involuntarily as a dozen minor demons begin to try your body on for size.

The master of assassins has not wasted any time, and collides with you in mere seconds, covering you with yet more stab wounds that leak black blood forming delicate webbings as your bones dislocate and your form twists into a more pleasing, deadly shape to the forces animating you. Your hand forms a spike that drives itself into the man's arm - he hisses and lets go of a blade, and goes for another among his vast collection.

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2

Even with the help from supernatural forces, however, he is more than a match for whatever tricks you possess, and you manage to fight him to a standstill, you accumulating increasingly grisly and seemingly ineffectual wounds at his hands, him getting grazed and occasionally lightly jabbed with the horrific weapons the demons choose to make out of you. Neither appear ready to back down.

Then Sir Ludovic stabs you through the back with his sword, and the powers animating you are momentarily distracted. It takes them a second or less to twist your head a full one hundred and eighty degrees, and then crush his head between your fingers like a hairy grape.

The Spymaster, not about to let your distraction go to waste, stabs two of his remaining daggers straight into your eyes, the meat around your bones at this point shredded and sloughing off in blackened chunks. The demons within you scream in unison, and suddenly every shadow in the clearing flows into you, shouting the Spymaster out of this plane of existence, content with wishing him away instead of wishing him dead at this point - you see nothing, but feel the plane around you melt away, and the familiar feelings and smells of Bald Mountain come flooding back in as you find yourself, blinded and bleeding from every inch of your body, deposited back into the world of the living, the Book of Hez-Shalhoub held in a death grip in your hands.

Quote
-1

The shadows flow out of you back to their realm, disgusted at the fragility of your body as you crumple to the ground, almost literally cut to ribbons and broken in every possible way.

You don't look so good, Princess Annika says conversationally, wondering if poking you with her foot wouldn't get too messy. At least you got rid of Szabo there.

Now, she says as you feel every piece of you slowly slide off every other piece, what was it you said back there? Klaatu barrada nikto? She places her hands on the Book of Hez-Shalhoub, wrenching it from your disintegrating fingers. Yeah, looks like that was it.

Anyway, you hear her shrug and start to walk away, was great working with you.

The last remaining demon in your body, perversely satisfied with this as a dramatic ending, finally lets go and permits your body to die.



257 S.I., The Bleak Mid-Winter

You are now Kalja, the lovely and charming lieutenant of Spymaster Vaskir Sitar of Ortfast. You've quite enjoyed running the home office in his stead even if you don't have the run of his office, and luckily the Queen has taken well to you presenting yourself as her go-between. Of course, you're little bit short-handed presently on account of the Spymaster taking a large proportion of the agents out to his hellmouth business, but that's just another professional challenge that gives you a chance to work that old Kalja magic. Luckily there hasn't been much in the way of troubles just yet.

Quote
7!

You walk into your office, adjacent to and much less opulent than the Spymaster's own, and are met with the sight of Princess Annika sitting back in the comfy chair you had installed a couple weeks ago.

Princess Annika, you say a little incredulously, how did you get in here?

Oh, she says, Captain Bukhar let her in. The man's quite good with a lock, as it turns out - good to see you, Kalja!

You nod back after you take a moment to regain your composure - good to see you too, Annika. How did the, er, mission go?

It was the best time she's had in her life, Annika responds, absolutely brilliant. They went in there and there were demons, Hell looks a lot like a forest, did you know, but Szabo came along, she's told you about that creepy bastard, and also his friends and there was a bit of trouble and they met the devil and it was all a very cool adventure and really made her grow as a person, she thinks. You've not lived until you've spilled a pint of your blood to rip open a hole in time and space and stood on the precipice of terrible doom. Oh yeah, and that Spymaster guy you sent off with her suddenly turned old and then filled himself with demons and got stabbed a lot by Szabo, he's kind of dead now. Sorry about that. She did get the book - sorry, the Book though!

She unwraps a satchel in her possession, presenting the flesh-bound, blood-writ horror that is the Book of Hez-Shalhoub. You stare at it agape, and it stares back. Your hand involuntarily extends toward it, and Annika pulls it back away from you. Don't touch the book, she says, it's kind of sensitive to that. This one highwayman on the road back here tried to take it from her and woof, this one tree did things to him she's pretty sure she'll never fully unsee.

A) Annika, we need to take you and this book to the Queen right away! She's going to flip her shit at this!
B) Brilliant! Give the Book here (you're the one who got the words for it to begin with), Annika, and stay put for now - you need to deliver this to the Queen as soon as possible!
C) Let's keep the Book under wraps for now, and get you to the Queen to present you properly before she finds out from another source.
D) Surely the Queen doesn't need to know about everything you get up to here, right? Especially if it might compromise her safety to know about it!
« Last Edit: May 23, 2017, 10:03:10 am by Harry Baldman »
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omada

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja of Ortfast
« Reply #183 on: May 23, 2017, 10:13:20 am »

Ouch, again.  3 times rolled 2 ( and 3 rolls  1-3  the Rng gods of the old way were really Hating us)

From B to D is okay.
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he has a hard time to focus, and values, err almost everything, he dreams of mastering a skill.

10ebbor10

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja of Ortfast
« Reply #184 on: May 23, 2017, 10:14:20 am »

A
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Haspen

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja of Ortfast
« Reply #185 on: May 23, 2017, 10:23:08 am »

A
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

omada

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja of Ortfast
« Reply #186 on: May 23, 2017, 10:32:58 am »

"Hey queen. I'm your new spymaster as your old one died in HELL. And she is the princess of another kingdom that rebelled against his mother to help us. Oh here is the book I really hope you will hear me teaching you the secret words before yo- DONT TOUCH YET"

Okay, it sounds funny A
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Competent reader (any know lenguage)
Novice english wordsmith
Dabbling english speaker (rusty)
He is short, with a small and failed beard
He likes wood, spears, ducks for their nobility, and rabbits for their weak hearts and funny reproduction rate.
he has a hard time to focus, and values, err almost everything, he dreams of mastering a skill.

birdy51

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja of Ortfast
« Reply #187 on: May 23, 2017, 10:33:41 am »

A

If all else fails, pass the blame to our dead boss! Which... What does Kalja think of that?
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heydude6

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja of Ortfast
« Reply #188 on: May 23, 2017, 10:56:03 am »

C, it would be weird if the queen was presented a book from a random princess she's never met before.
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Harry Baldman

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja of Ortfast
« Reply #189 on: May 23, 2017, 11:52:12 am »

Quote
8!

You get Princess Annika suitably cleaned up and arrange a private audience with the Queen in the evening. She meets you in her garden in fairly modest dress, and is immediately quite surprised to see you've brought the Princess. You go ahead and introduce them quite tactfully, and make bloody well sure the subject of her exact arrival in Ortfast is left unaddressed. The Queen, for her part, is quite delighted to be presented with a princess from mighty Vesperlund itself and asks a pleasingly low number of questions about the affair.

Of course, you don't give her much of a chance to question the first bit as you present the Book of Hez-Shalhoub, at which point the Queen's eyes legitimately gleam - recovered at great cost from the depths of the Hell of a Thousand Needles, you explain, from the maw of the Duke of Pride and Longing! Penned by the great and powerful Yugrom of Kudu and passed from hand to hand to reach its final destination - the possession of the rightful Queen of Ortfast! Iouni can't help but grin at this, and has the Vizier called in. He is similarly gobsmacked, and sings your praises as the words to operate the Book are rendered unto him with Princess Annika's well-meaning pointers on how not to die horribly while using it.

The Queen, naturally, is quite enthused about hearing more, and with the aid of some wine you procured for the occasion and fairly subtle efforts at directing the conversation you manage to get the Princess to open up to her quite nicely, and from there they get on like a house on fire as the Queen listens to the long and exciting tale of her experiences in Hell and her adventures out in the wilderness.

The evening goes on and by the end the Queen insists that the Princess stay here for as long as she likes, which suits the Princess just fine. And while Annika is taken off to get familiarized with her quarters in the castle, adjacent to the Queen's own, the Queen turns to you - smashing work, incredible work! Not just the Book, mind you, but the entire handling of this sensitive matter, from both you and old Vaskir, may he rest wherever it was that he said he'd go. She'd offer your former boss a posthumous commendation, but, you know, Spymaster and everything. So she'll just go ahead and expand your operating budget a few notches, what do you say?

Obviously you'd say yes and thank you ma'am, but the Queen is charitable enough to let you get there on your own. Excellent, she says, may the post of royal spymistress treat you well!

257 S.I., Spring

It may have taken a while to unlock and untrap the office of your old boss, but damn if it wasn't worth it. The whisky in his globe alone would have been worth the price of admission, to say nothing of all his intelligence reports that you only managed to decode last week. You've been busy enough that you barely notice the secretary turn up with his annual report:

Public Mood: 4
Operating Funds: 5
Available Agents: 1
Royal Trust: 6

You compliment the secretary's choice of accentuating the single troubling number in this four-line report. He responds that he felt it would impress the gravity of the issue upon you. Although he would also note that the populace is becoming aware of something troubling going on in the palace.

Was it the thing with the cats, you say as you adjust your refitted Spymistress monocle for document inspection. He was thinking more of the thing with the gardener. You nod, oh right. That would probably have done it. Should tell the Vizier to maybe dial things down a little.

But first you need some more minions! Which leaves you with the question of where to source them.

A) Have Captain Bukhar get in contact with more pirates out west - they're useful sorts and highly practiced at the sort of thing you tend to do.
B) Seek out people locally that you can push into your service with promises of good compensation and perhaps a favor or two.
C) The twin Jovanastian guilds of Assassins and Thieves might be overproducing this year, send people down to wrangle a dozen or two decent ones.
D) You've heard there's folk in the northern forest that know how to move between trees without making a sound. They sound like fairly good spy material.
« Last Edit: May 23, 2017, 12:07:40 pm by Harry Baldman »
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Prophet

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja of Ortfast
« Reply #190 on: May 23, 2017, 12:05:47 pm »

D Though I find C tempting.
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.... You've doomed us all. Granted. Everyone except for traps are executed. Random sci-fi nonsense is required to be taught in schools.
A cute intersex harem with everyone in love with the androgynous king and smart and useful enough into pushing the kingdom forward.

chubby2man

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja of Ortfast
« Reply #191 on: May 23, 2017, 12:06:49 pm »

C Well that ended up... surprisingly well. I think D would also be a good choice, but I think C might present a more well rounded option.

The Spymaster is dead. Long live the Spymistress!
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omada

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja of Ortfast
« Reply #192 on: May 23, 2017, 12:37:38 pm »

C With luck our charm might close ties.
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Competent reader (any know lenguage)
Novice english wordsmith
Dabbling english speaker (rusty)
He is short, with a small and failed beard
He likes wood, spears, ducks for their nobility, and rabbits for their weak hearts and funny reproduction rate.
he has a hard time to focus, and values, err almost everything, he dreams of mastering a skill.

Puppyguard

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja of Ortfast
« Reply #193 on: May 23, 2017, 12:56:38 pm »

C
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Aseaheru

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Re: SPAMMASTER: Spymistress Kalja of Ortfast
« Reply #194 on: May 23, 2017, 01:51:57 pm »

C
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