((I am laughing uncontrollably right now, and it's nearly one AM, so I'm not quite capable of writing a good speech that's...
"Hello, hello, look here at all these beautiful people. It's amazing, all these people, when was the last time you all saw a winner like me? Ever? Never? Sad, so sad, you people deserve a person like me. Not like the people you've been getting, terrorists, vampires, mexicans, all the terrible, vampires. It's such a problem, such a disaster, these illegal vampires. All of them are such losers, they're so ugly, but they think they are just great. You know what folks? They're not, those vampires, they're terrible, they have terrible temperaments, not like me, I have a great temperament. A winning temperament. These vampires, they think they can just take our jobs, take our women, but they're just so stupid. So stupid. Because they can't, they think they have the respect women want, but they don't. No woman likes them, none, they can't get any women, like that fat slob over there, she's the type of girl who vampires get. They're lightweights who can't handle anything more. And I know, yes, I know, the corrupt media has been finding all these horrible frauds who say terrible, just terrible things about the women I handle. It's all lies folks, all lies, I never touched any of those women, you know why? Just look at these hands folks, these are the huge hands of a successful man, when I touch a women with these, it's just incredible--it's amazing, I'm like 'Excuse me, I'm busy, I can't touch you', but these women, once they've seen my tremendous respect for women--it's just huge, so much bigger than those out of control vampires--when women see it, they can't stop themselves, and I'm a nice guy, I'm a good guy, how could I say no? It's terrible, women just love me, but the horrible media keeps finding these weak people who will just say whatever for no reason, but none of them have been touched by them, zero, it's never happened. They wish they did, most women do, I can't blame them, I have a fantastic disposition, I have great respect for women, greater than anyone I know, all women want winners, and I'm the most amazing winner. I've built amazing things, big things, the biggest things, but these vampires, what have they built? Nothing, they didn't build this, building, it was built by a loser, clearly, but a classier loser than those terrible vampires, can they even build anything? No, they can't, anything they would build would just be a disaster folks, it's because they're lightweights, but me, I'm tough, I build big, classy things, I'll build a new school, a classy school, one that you beautiful people deserve--I love education, I love students--I'll make it illegal for these stupid vampires to be in school, and all the other terrible people, the uglies, the morons, the illegals, the losers, the terrorists, I, I mean all these terrorists, have you seen what this country is coming to? We're letting in these unbelievable people into our schools, I'm gonna put a stop to that, I'm gonna make our schools great again, and make them beautiful again, like all these people in them, except the ugly ones, why are they even here? We don't want them here, that's disgusting, just disgusting."