1. Interns are not to be referred to as "redshirts" or "D-class"
1a. Personal found in violating this order will be required to wear a red shirt during the next mission
2. Putting Magi Eros' hand in a bowl of warm water is severely frowned upon
3. Shaving your head does NOT make you a better Illusion magi
4. "Bill made me do it" is no longer an accepted excuse for walking into the wrong locker room
4a. It is not an excuse to do anything else either
4b. If E003 actually does make you do something, he will leave evidence. Stop attempting to convince researchers otherwise
5. Stop requesting Dr. Shen make something that will get Dr. Vahlen to loosen up’.
Addendum: The next person to do so will be placed in the Dissection Room. - Dr. M.V. M
5a This does not suggest that Dr. Vahlen is a sadist.
5b Nor does this confirm that she is a sadist.
5c Stop requesting Dr. Vahlen to ‘break out the leather and the whip already'
6. No playing inappropriate music when senior staff walks in. This includes (but is not limited to):
- The Imperial March with Tal
- The 24 Chimes
- Hell March
- Terminator Theme Song
- Anything related to the X-files or Doctor Who
7. Drones are not 'one shot minesweepers'
7a. Neither are Interns
8. Operatives are to stop cooking bacon on the engines of the Yahweh
9. There is no such thing as "Kobold Cuddle Time."
9a. After seeing the positive psychological effects, the Board is currently reviewing the possibility of adding this.
10. No, you may not repurpose a roomba as a "Kobold-Kart." End of discussion.
11. Despite surprising similarities, Lost Planet 2 is not a valid training sim.
12. Suggesting a relation between two operatives that is unconfirmed is not a good idea for one's health
12 a. "Everyone can see it" is not confirmation
12 b. While Vahlen is not an operative, suggesting she and Tal Nalvi are "getting jiggy" is equally unsafe
12c Fictional literature involving the romantic lives of ANYONE currently employed by Akras is seen as volunteering for Vahlens next experiment.
13. Operatives are discouraged from asking any Amalgamtes about any parts of their anatomy
13a. This applies equally to Foxhound Member Reginald Goldman
13b. As well to all Gaian-Native operatives
13c. Operative Goldman requests that it be known that he is comfortable with others doing this "but only if they're cute."
14. Challenging Operative Cross to an arm-wrestling contest is not recommended.
14a. As is asking Operative Cross to "Do the Robot"
14b. Asking Operative Cross about "upgrades" not relevant to gate missions are also frowned upon.
15. Painting your armor red does not make you faster. Purple does not make you sneakier. Blue does not make you luckier.
16. Unauthorized modification of Transports are NOT ALLOWED. This includes (but is not restricted to):
- Grills, spinning rims, and other modifications derived from automobiles.
- External speaker systems outside of standard issue.
- Stereo, DJ, or other audio systems
- Strobe lights, laser projectors, smoke machines and other ‘party gear’.
- Video projection or nonstandard/civilian issue networking equipment.
17. Gate-Fauna designate 001 are not from Australia. Please stop asking the Australian Operatives this.
17a. Australian Operativrs should not tell others that 001 is from Australia. Even if it does make them "look cool"
18. "Shoot it in the face.” Is valid advice on the subject of engaging a 001. “Nipple cripple it for massive damage.” Is not. Stupidity does not come under ‘acceptable losses’ of our recruits.
19. When asked by Gaian societies who you are, do not reply that you are part of any organization, group or unit, be it real or fictional. This includes (but is not restricted to):
The Ghostbusters
U.N.I.T.
Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division
the Men In Black
the Beatles comeback tour
aliens
Space Marines
Space Nazis
Space Soviets
Space Hippies
Martians
Uranusians
EXALT
Planeswalkers
X-Men
Torchwood
Scooby Doo's Gang
the SCP Foundation
the Brady Bunch
the Power Rangers
Kamen Rider
Magical Girls
Justice League
the League of Legends
Horde/Alliance
the Illuminati
the Priory of Sion
World Police
Thunderbirds/International Rescue
3rd Street Saints
King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table
Pan Pacific Defense Corps
Cerberus
Raczak Roughnecks / Rico's Roughnecks
the UNSC / ONI Section III / the 105th Orbital Drop Shock Trooper Division
Stargate Command
the Parahuman Response Team
Blackwatch
CADMUS
the Adeptus Mechanicus
Megacity One Department of Justice
Raynor's Raiders
the Colonial Marines
the Grand Army of the Republic
the Rebel Alliance
the Galactic Empire
the Royal Manticoran Navy/Marine Corps
Wolf's Dragoons
Section 9
Xenonauts
Hellsing
the Mane 6
Mobile Infantry
Diamond Dogs
Ghost Recon
Voltron Force
the Planeteers
Jedi Knights
Black Knights
Boy Scouts
Girl Scouts (even if you bring back cookies)
Zombie Emergency Response Operations
I.R.S. back-taxes retrieval committee
Society for Creative Anachronism
Iscariot
the plumbers
Jehovah's Witnesses
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons)
The Church of Scientology
Robin Hood’s Band of Merry Men
PETA
Team Dai-Gurren
House Lannister
House Stark
House Baratheon
House Targaryen
The Night Watch
Team Four Star
Krusty Crab Crew
Team Rocket, Aqua, Magma, Plasma or Galactic
The Aristocrats
Hydra
Santa’s Elves
Brotherhood of Nod
Global Defense Initiative
20. While it is generally accepted that rocket launchers and other explosives are capable of being a universal problem solving device, Security (and by extension, Maintenance) would like to remind them that locked doors can be unlocked remotely, and are just a comm call away.
21. Akras's armory is stocked with a wide variety of helmets built for almost any situation. Homemade Imperial Stormtrooper helmets should not be worn into the Field
22. Operatives are to stop asking Dr. Shen to develop a chainsword.
23. Stop feeding the Interns caviar and then 'accidentally' dropping an empty sample canister marked '001 Eggs'.
24. Yes, Dr. Vahlen was laughing last night. This was because of an anecdotal joke told to her, and not because she was practicing ‘her super villainess thing’
25. Dr. Shen does not appreciate being referred to as 'The Great Maker of Cool Stuff'. Chief Engineer or Dr. Shen will suffice.
25b. Nor does he appreciate playing Gene Audrey’s “Here Comes Santa Claus” whenever he comes to the barracks for weapon testing volunteers.
26. Bee grenades are not in development, or viable as weapons, so stop asking for them.
27. No playing recordings of well known fictional AI over the PA system, even if they were all benevolent. We’ve had several panics now.
27a. This goes double for the one promising cake. Wasn’t that AI a pathological liar? Vahlen still wants to know how several supposedly veteran Covert Operatives fell for that one.
27b. This now applies to MECs, personal armor and weapons.
27c. Dr. Shen, please stop creating actual AI to get around the ‘recording’ part of 27.
27d. No, Dr. Vahlen will not be lending her voice to a new AI.
28. Operatives are advised to avoid disrupting Magi preforming rituals or damaging the Circles in any way.
28a. No, you got off lucky that time the walls bled and grew teeth. Dr. Nalvi has explicitly stated for example that one potential miscasting of an Amalgamation is 'Everyone for miles is now mundane nonsapient cats'
28b. The colony of Meerkats now inhabiting Arcane Test Chamber 00473 is to be fed at regular daily intervals by drone. Do not enter the room at risk of Meerkatification. You were warned. Let this be a lesson to the remainder of you.
29. Rookies are measured for armor during induction, not coffins. Stop telling them otherwise.
29a. ‘We don’t measure you for coffins because there usually isn’t enough left to bury’ is not a viable alternative, either.
30. RnD appreciates the number of intact corpses and live captures Operatives are able to bring back from the field. They do not, however, appreciate these samples coming in with crudely drawn genitalia, arrows, mustaches, monocles and top hats being drawn onto them.
31. Battlecries have been a part of human warfare for millennia. Many are acceptable; ‘For Earth!’, ‘For Humanity!’ and so on are expected to be heard over the course of the operation. Operatives should be reminded, however, that all of Akras's comms are recorded, so cries of ‘For the Emperor!’ and ‘For Vodka and Rum!’ are now prohibited.
31a. It doesn’t matter if she promised to marry you when you got back, Sgt. [REDACTED]. ‘For mah waifu’ is also inappropriate.
31b. So is showing up on the battlefield with a lab coat and syringe rather than legitimate weapons and armor and shouting “FOR SCIENCE!”
32. Tal impersonators are henceforth banned. Especially if all you’re trying to do is get laid with Dr. Valhen.
32a. The same goes for impersonators of Dr. Vahlen.
32b. Impersonation of a member of the senior command staff is still a military crime.
33. Dr. Shen is forbidden from making anything man portable which has a barrel large enough to fit his head.
33a. This also applies to any engineering staff.
33b. Similarly, anything capable of firing more than four unguided missiles with one trigger pull.
33c. The definition of ‘guided’ is ‘actively targeted’ rather than ‘it goes where I point it’.
34 Psi Magi are to stop trying to influence people’s dreams.
34a. Doubly so if they are successful.
34b. Seriously. We’ve had 49 cases of people reporting that they had recurring nightmares of Vahlen mass-mind controlling 001 specimens and become the new Supreme Bitch of the Universe. Stop it.
35. Ordinance, Xenobotany would like their mascot goat back. Intact.
35a. Xenobiology, same goes for Forensics' pig.
35b. Xenobotany, taking Ordinance's Wedgetail Eagle may seem like fair game, but please give it back. We don't want them to send more interns to Australia II to get another one because the jerks in cloning refuse to clone the eagle.
35b.i When they get it back, Sci>Ordinance is not allowed to take the eagle for 'walkies' or any derivative of semi-or-un-restrained transport (including but not limited to 'Flysies'). Sci>Ordinance knows that it is a predatory bird and is to be fed meat and kept in it's aviary.
35c. Sci/Med>Cloning, you are only allowed ONE mascot.
Poll
4 (66.7%)
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Topic: Castle: Fear for your Weakness OOC (Read 167355 times)