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[Mooply]

Our first name is Surly and our last name is Cleric.

SC: take the bag and key

From this day forward, you are no longer named Surly Cleric but you are named Surly Cleric! At least you aren't named like your brother, Pooplord Cleric.

Your parents were awful people.

You saunter over to your desk and retrieve your troll hair coccinellidae spell bag and your key.

SC search in desk for healing spell books and open the wierd hatch thing

Your desk isn't actually a desk, it's a huge slab of marble for carving statues. So, it would be a bit difficult to search through unless you had a carving tool of some kind.

Besides, you already know two full spells:

Surly healing
Flare

You open your submarine office hatch to find that it's been barred closed by the automagic emergency system. You can see a little kobold with a skull on his head running around and jumping.

Nekrobold: use kobold jumping power to leap onto the high shelf

After a few unsuccessful leaps from the bottom, you line up the shelf from the ladder and leap across to get to the key. You manage to latch onto the ledge and have a very tentative grip on the ledge.

Oh my god this is happening.


I love you

Stonut, Take mace by way of divine right. Leave behind sword in the stone as payment.

You leave behind your sword in the stone as payment for the giant mace. Since the sword is too big for your rope reed fiber ant weapon bag, you leave that there too. The giant mace is easily wielded by your ridiculous strength.

The storekeeper is enamored by your no nonsense bargaining skills and repeats the line about the exploding dice again. He seems a bit weird to you so you continue to ignore him.



Suddenly, a lawyer appears in the shop! He's holding a DMCA Takedown Notice!

[Prophet]

We all know that Lawyers are evil monsters spawned by horrible eldritch gods so that means we must DESTROY THE EVIL LAWYER WITH OUR MACE!

[Shadestyle]

Stonut smash, Drink his blood to gain the magic of demons.

[Generally me]

Kobold grab the key with one hand then let go
Surly Cleric diving grab the kobold if you see it fall

[Vivalas]

Surly Cleric: Look out the window.

[Aslandus]

Stonut: bash through the wall, it is no match for your mighty mace

[Mooply]

Kobold grab the key with one hand then let go

The ledge was not able to support you as well as you thought, but you manage to catch the key and put it into your inventory.

The potato was crushed from being knocked down but a lockbox was broken open and revealed 5 zeni.

Surly Cleric: Look out the window.

Egads! It's a bunch of filthy Grobnak cultists having a campfire on your front lawn! Look at them, smoking hot dogs and eating marshy mellows evilly. Truly despicable people.

If only you could deactivate the automagic emergency system. But you'd need to be down the ladder to do that.

We all know that Lawyers are evil monsters spawned by horrible eldritch gods so that means we must DESTROY THE EVIL LAWYER WITH OUR MACE!

You easily crush the lawyer with your giant mace. He turns into a grey, goopy mess on the floor.

You earn a bit of legality from defeating the lawyer.



The victory is shortlived though as a mega-lawyer and two lawyers with lawng bows appear!

Stonut: bash through the wall, it is no match for your mighty mace

You try to bash through the wall to no avail. It's strangely sturdy against your mace onslaughts.

[Shadestyle]

Get shot in the back a few times, before being sucked into the past to deal with your past self's fuckups.

[Worldmaster27]

Get shot in the back a few times, before being sucked into the past to deal with your past self's fuckups.

+1

[hops]

Get shot in the back a few times, before being sucked into the past to deal with your past self's fuckups.

Also forget where you put the piece of paper

[Aslandus]

SC: slide down the ladder

Nekrobold: check the prices on the vending machine, collect the 5 zeni

[ATHATH]

Guys, I have an idea. It's a million-to-one chance, but we might be able to fix the messed up space-time continuum by doing the inverse of the Stordnut Spin-Hack-And-Slash slash Strike STRIKE Spin (spin the other way, strike before slashing, spell Stonut correctly, etc.). It might be just crazy enough to work!

Do the inverse of the Stordnut Spin-Hack-And-Slash slash Strike STRIKE Spin!

[Generally me]

Surly... 360 no scope those bitches and take their hats.

[Mooply]

SC: slide down the ladder

You flip the fuck out and try to get through the barred passageway.



You accidentally drop your key down through the grating while flipping the fuck out.

Nekrobold: check the prices on the vending machine, collect the 5 zeni

You collect the five zeni.

You already checked the prices when you first examined the machine. It's 1 zeni per item.

Surly... 360 no scope those bitches and take their hats.

I'm sorry, I don't think I can do that with Surly... 360 no scope those bitches and take their hats.

Get shot in the back a few times, before being sucked into the past to deal with your past self's fuckups.

You tank the lawng bolts and suffer severe damage to your legality.



Your legality has gone too low in this pocket dimension. You have been captured by the lawyers and taken to their lair.



You awake a few minutes later in a magitech laser cell. Two ugly lawyer goons taunt you from the other side.

Do the inverse of the Stordnut Spin-Hack-And-Slash slash Strike STRIKE Spin!

Your prophecy meter isn't full enough to do that attack! You still need to be set on fire, stabbed in the shin, stabbed in the face, find a steelnut wheel, and get attacked with an axe.

Good thing you still have you-

Also forget where you put the piece of paper

Now it's personal...

[Shadestyle]

If we are in this cell, then they must obviously intend for us to do as we please within it's confines. Therefore, we are legally allowed to use the Secret exit behind the poster.