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[Stirk]

Granted. You are caught in a chemical spill, giving you super powers. You are eternally frowning and quite austeres, Baron Von Cancer. Your power is cancer.

I wish for a gun that could shoot cancer-curing bullets.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but I am forced to destroy it so it may never be used against me.

I wish for a nemesis.

[Stirk]

Granted, it is me because you destroyed my gun. It turns out guns>cancer and you die in a hail of normal bullets. I FEARED FOR MY LIFE!

I wish for the power to repair any item.

[Tawa]

Granted. Hello!

Granted, but the trickster god that granted your power steals it back, taking your soul with it.

I wish for a hat.

[nomoetoe]

Granted. Hello!

Granted, but the trickster god that granted your power steals it back, taking your soul with it.

I wish for a hat.

Granted, its made from leather, human leather, made from you. c:

I wish for some crack and yogurt to keep me slim.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but you are also Pam.

I wish for programmable matter.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. Here, have an ancient computer with windows 95 on it.

I wish for Chuck Norris powers.

[Ultimuh]

Granted, you have the powers of the non-fictional Chcuk Norris.
Well at least you know some martial arts.


I wish those Chick Norris "facts" as well as the memes around them, would fade into obscurity.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. The world chooses someone else to uphold as their demigod. This person is a serial killer and a rapist.

I wish for better lolcats memes.

[Tawa]

Granted, but Chuck Norris kicks them back into the mainstream.

Gratnd lawlz cheezburger

I wish I could cast Dominate Person in real life.

[Ultimuh]

Granted, but you can only cast it on yourself.

I wish for hilarity to ensue.

[Gentlefish]

Granted. You dug too deep in your basement.

I wish I didn't need nor want sleep.

[Tawa]

Granted. You loathe sleep instead and murder sleeping people with a severed head. You are caught by the police and executed.

I wish for the ability to throw stones with 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999 and repeating percent accuracy.

[Gentlefish]

Wow! You're really good at hitting the ground! Except for that one time... Now there's a rock in orbit somehow.

I wish for a plethora of classic supernatural abilities.

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

Granted, you are now in a permanent coma from overdose of awesome



I wish that I would never have to listen to music that I think is terrible ever again