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[Gentlefish]

Granted. The human race as a species never becomes more than cro-magnons.

I wish I wish I was a fish. In water.

[Strife26]

Granted, you successfully wish that you were a fish in water.



I wish for a promotion.

[Meistermoxx]

Granted, you successfully wish that you were a fish in water.



I wish for a promotion.

You are promoted to leader of a bunch of world corporations. Sadly, you are assasinated by your competition.

I wish that the Russians would get their lol server, sepperate from the Nordic server.

[RAM]

I wish to do the chicken dance.

[Meistermoxx]

I wish to do the chicken dance.

(how is that an answer?)

You "do" the chicken and dance.

I wish for a proper answer.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

That's your new separate server.

I wish for US senate filibusters to require actual filibustering. None of this, "are you filibustering?', 'yes.', 'well shit, lets break for lunch. no use dwelling on that eh? Might as well write it into the rules that that's all that's needed.', 'ratified', 'adjourned, good day at work wot wot?', 'indubitably!'. None of that.

[Remuthra]

Granted. Now all the Senate does is take lunch breaks.

I wish for a doorknob to appear on the floor.

[intelligentmoron]

Granted. Now all the Senate does is take lunch breaks.

I wish for a doorknob to appear on the floor.

Granted, you promptly trip over it, fall, and snap your neck.

I wish to be the incarnation of patriotism

[Chink]

Granted. However, as the new incarnation of patriotism for North Korea, you are promptly ridiculed everywhere in the world except North Korea.

I wish that consuming large quantities of bacon would be good for people.

[Remuthra]

Granted. Due to the massive demand, pigs went extinct and  bacon no longer exists.

I wish for the doorknob on my floor to remain where it is unless moved by me but not trip me anymore.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Now all the Senate does is take lunch breaks.

for a while, for a while.

I wish that consuming large quantities of bacon would be good for people.

But, but it is. Fat head bra.

Granted. The doorknob immediately rips a doorknob-sized hole through 1/3 of the world's crust, staying in the exact place in space as it originally possessed. The energy of this blasts apart much of the earth's crust and it's orbit is disturbed, further dooming all life that may come to exist on it in the future. Your neck is still broken.

I wish for women, whiskey & good cigars.

[intelligentmoron]

Granted, you now have liver disease, lung cancer, and HIV all at the same time

I wish I had a slice of cheese for my damn sandwich

[RAM]

Your tongue is transformed into a slice of cheese, which you promptly spit out onto your sandwich.

I wish to be better at granting wishes.

[pisskop]

Granted the Wishmaster deigns you worthy of instruction on the subject.

I wish I had woken up an hour earler today (well I did, but I did a roll over).

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted. Unfortunately, you stand up just in time to catch a rogue gamma ray burst that gives you aggressive brain cancer. 5 years later you're an incoherent mess.

I wish to have the hulk's powers, but with more control.