Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[RAM]

You gain Hulk Hogan's powers, but are forced to spend the next twenty years in a monastery learning elocution.

I wish to communicate with intelligent beings...

[Meistermoxx]

You gain Hulk Hogan's powers, but are forced to spend the next twenty years in a monastery learning elocution.

I wish to communicate with intelligent beings...

Granted, sadly, the communication is limitet to bay12, so you will never meet an intelligent being.

I wish to know what "lollygagging" means.

[Gentlefish]

Granted. You now know what gagging on a lollipop feel like.

I wish I didn't have to present tomorrow.

[Meistermoxx]

Granted. You now know what gagging on a lollipop feel like.

I wish I didn't have to present tomorrow.

Granted. You have to present in 30 minutes.

I wish that the nazi base on the moon would be destroyed.

[Remuthra]

Granted. The moon crashes into your side of the Earth, with the nazi base on the bright side.

I wish for banana bread.

[RAM]

You are haunted for the rest of your life by the sight of bananas breeding.

I wish for everything to be better.

[Meistermoxx]

You are haunted for the rest of your life by the sight of bananas breeding.

I wish for everything to be better.

Everything becomes better than everything else. But, because of this paradox, the universe collapses.

I wish for a coka cola

[timferius]

Granted, however your bevarage made from Petroleum Coke is hardly refreshing, and rather deadly to consume.

I wish for a Pepsi Cola.

[Remuthra]

Granted. You recieve one Pepsi brand Cold Oral Laceration Assembly.

I wish Apple to be disallowed from their goal of finding the Necronomicon and resurrecting Steve Jobs as a Lich.

[RAM]

Granted, so instead they invent a virus that converts the entire human race into perfect duplicates of Steve Jobs.

I wish to absorb the powers of my enemies.

[pisskop]

Granted.  Like Rogue you can will kill anything you touch.

I wish for delciious meat: preferably a roast beef sammich

[RAM]

There is both an I and a me in delicious meat, congratulations on being above yourself on the food chain...

I wish for poetry!

[Remuthra]

A composition is compared for you.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
This wish is dumb,
And so are you.

Unfortunately the Muses have already absconded.

I wish to Take Over The World!*

_{*of course!}

[RAM]

Wow, that is so cool, I was thinking of roses are red, violets are blue, your brain is as stupid as this poem...

You take possession of a colony of bacteria while over the world...

Nobody does anything without explicit orders from you personally, most of the world's population dies from dehydration and complications from not breathing while conscious. It is a perpetual chore just maintaining a few simple servitors...

I wish that people could only speak literally.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Granted. Standup comedy dies. Politics is unrecognizable. Songs undertake a paradigm shift, and poetry becomes the primary outlet of artistic creativity (fuck you visual media). The cause being people cannot speak literally: they still think in figurative terms, but when attempting to express these thoughts through speech they begin bleeding from the ears, their tongue swells and they become blind, deaf and dumb for a short while. Oh, and excruciating pain. The kicker is everyone remembers the hay day of art you killed, (since it's relics are still around and quite unchanged), and you become widely-regarded as worse than Hitler, (Your face becomes clearly visible during the blind/deaf/dumb phase. Doesn't take long to identify you.). Congratulations.

I wish for 2 fully-(and perfectly, no pain)-formed & functioning opposable thumbs on each of my hands instead of 1, to the effect I have 5 phalanges on each hand with three standard phalanges between the two thumbs. Here's an image for clarification (shows the genie the image):

Spoiler (click to show/hide)