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[Sensei]

Granted. It is the One True Fwuffy Pillow. A hundred thousand souls of bunnies and kittens have been condemned to eternal fire to harness their fwuffiness.

I wish I was like a boss.

[Cheddarius]

Granted. You are like a boss in that everyone hates you.

I wish there were more good webcomics.

[webadict]

Granted, but they never update.

I wish I had the ability to shoot bullet from my fingers.

[Huesoo]

Granted you shoot a bullet out of your finger nothing more.
 
I wish ebay packaging would be faster.

[webadict]

Granted. It's so fast it disintegrates before it reaches you. Enjoy your ash.

I wish my wishes weren't granted by the last poster.

[Huesoo]

Granted whoever is the last person to post in this thread doesnt ever grant you a wish

I wish the ebay packaging would get here fast but not fast enough to cause me,my family and my surroundings harm.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted, the packaging arrives but it is empty of the goods you wanted - instead it contains a live, angry bobcat!

I wish Google would just return what I'm looking for instead of stupid scam websites.

[Cheddarius]

Hah!

Granted. You suddenly have a strong urge to look for scam websites, particularly of the stupid variety.

I wish I had some steak. And a levitating plate/hand-thing to eat it without my hands.

[silhouette]

granted, but you now have no hands and it doesnt work on anything other than steak.

I wish this wish was wished while wishing about wishes and the dynamics of wishingness on a star.

[Hungry]

Granted, your brain is replaced by a wishing star...

I wish for quantom carp!

[silhouette]

granted but now you are infinitly constipated.

i wish for e to = c-mf⁵

[Cheddarius]

Granted. Lightspeed is thus altered to one inch per year. You are frozen in place, and your body eventually decays.

I wish my dwarves would be smarter.

[Hungry]

Granted they have bigger brains, that promply explode out there skulls killing them instantly.

Spoiler: I got ninja'd but oh well (click to show/hide)

Granted e(eggs)=c(cookies)-m(milk)f(flour)to the power of 5

I wish for the power cosmic.

[Cheddarius]

Granted. You get a power called "cosmic". It gives you the power of constant diarrhea.

I wish my siege weapons were better.

[Hungry]

Granted, their so much better that they gain sentience, unfortunetly its pasifistic intellegence...

I wish for phazon corrupted power armor.