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[Cheddarius]

Granted. You become a zombie, and due to missing several organs, can barely shuffle around in endless horrifying agony. You eventually stumble and you scream in pain, but all that comes out is a zombified groan. Life is pain.

I wish I could find the Calvin and Hobbes comic I'm looking for.

[dragnar]

Granted: I have it. (really, I own every book)

I wish I knew what "the noodle incident" was.

[Cheddarius]

Granted. It scars you for life. Calvin & Hobbes is ruined forever.

I wish I could find the book that contains the Calvin & Hobbes comic that I have found that I was looking for.

[webadict]

Granted. You find it in dragnar's house and are promptly shot for trespassing.

I wish I had a bulletproof vest on all the time.

[Huesoo]

Granted that is the only thing you wear.

I wish the game shops around here had Warcraft 3.

[Tradanbattlan]

Granted. All your game shops are replaced with Wal-Marts.
Seriously, they have the battle chest in there.

[Huesoo]

Granted you stop being raped by your uncle but start being raped by your dad

I wish Warcraft 3 would get here faster!

[Tradanbattlan]

Granted. The eBay package arrives with the box for Warcraft 3 in it.
Inside the box is a bomb.
Have fun.

I wish for more memory for my PC.

[Huesoo]

Granted it remembers supressed thoughts and doesnt want to work

I wish for the universe to end and everything with it right now.

[Cheddarius]

Granted. You die horribly.
I mean, seriously, that wish is going to suck even if it goes exactly as planned, what do you expect?


I wish I knew everything.

[dragnar]

Granted. As it turns out, you really can't handle the truth. You brain explodes due to excessive amounts of forbidden knowledge.

I wish for everything to be better for everyone in every way.

[Cheddarius]

Granted. However, I parse the word "better" as "horrifyingly painful for everyone except me, for my personal gain". The entire world suffers while I enjoy my yacht on my personal money lake.

I wish webcomic writers could work with superhuman speed.

[Tradanbattlan]

Granted. But they all use Newspeak now. And have been arrested by the though police. Thanks, jerk.

I wish Big Brother wasn't watching me.

[Cheddarius]

Granted. He's already tortured you to the point of being a mindless slave.

I wish I was less tired.

[mission0]

Granted you can no long sleep, and in the end become more tired

I wish for a fwuffy pillow