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[Cptn Kaladin Anrizlokum]

Like this? Your hometown gets destroyed in the flood.

I wish I could start conversations.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted.

OBVIOUScorruption: You can no longer end conversations.

SLIGHTLYLESSOBVIOUScorruption: You can start conversations, and that is the only thing you can do explicitly. The endings are implied, but every time you attempt to communicate with someone, the conversation is immediately derailed by you starting another one.

I wish for infinite monetary inflation.

[Arcvasti]

Granted. In your impatience to read a film treatment of a wish, you begin slapping a bystander with two sardines to catchy music which you think would better fit a hypothetical Slaves to Armok Chapter III: Shipping Wars cartoon.

[[For some reason, I interpret that as being Shipping rather then what it probably was. Sides. Hurt.]]

Granted. All the money inflates into giant balllons, but get popped on mountains. The resulting airflow causes hurricanes across the world.

I wish that Slaves to Armok Chapter III: Shipping Wars was an actual thing.

[Prophet]

((That actually sounds pretty interesting. I wonder who would be shipped with who?))

Granted. Everyone is shipped with someone they hate causing them to hunt you down in a angry mob.

I wish to know who is shipped with what/who.

[Stirk]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I wish that Slaves to Armok Chapter III: Shipping Wars was an actual thing.

Granted. Unfortunately, it was made by me, so nobody ever downloads it. 

-------------------
Granted. You have been dragged to the lowest part of the fandom, may god have mercy on your soul.

I wish to RULE THE TRISTATE AREA!

[Arcvasti]

Granted. You know ALL the ships. You are. The OMNISHIPPER.

* Prophet has gone mad from the revelation!

Granted. The amount of paperwork you have to do in your new administerial role leads to you getting exsanguinated from a thousand papercuts.

I wish for naval combat to be integrated into DF.

[Stirk]

Granted, unfortunately bellybuttons make poor weapons, so nobody ever uses it.

I wish for someone to do my paper work for me.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. Someone does my paper work for me.

I wish for no one to ever make Slaves to Armok: Chapter III: Shipping Wars. Without the pairing kind.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, they make it with the pairing kind.

I wish for the ability to powerslide.

[Prophet]

Granted. You are then shot in the head before you can use your new ability.

I wish for stuffed bunnies!

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. You get poorly taxidermied bunnies.

I wish for paper clip chain mail.

[Stirk]

Granted.

"Hello, this is about Clippy, the 'helpful' paper clip. If you think about Clippy, he will arrive in seven days to 'help' you in your daily life. It happened to me, and it could happen to you too. You won't be able to do anything with him around. He pops up at random times...just don't let it happen to you!

You can distract him by making seven other people think about him. Send this email to seven friends, and he won't show up."

I wish that I could stop and start time on a whim.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. Time stops for you too, but theoretically, if someone started it back for you, you would be able to start it again for everyone else. In practice, this does not happen because of time being stopped and stuff.

(That is worse than reading random SCPs the night before a final twice! ^{_{Not that I would know anything about that.}})

I wish for it to start raining peanut butter.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. It begins raining peanut butter all around the globe. This results in severe injury to anyone or anything caught outside in the freakish weather. Buildings collapse under the weight. All of civilized society grinds to a halt, and many people are crushed or suffocated beneath a four-foot thick layer of peanut butter. The apocalypse has arrived, and survivors find that it is quite a bit more delicious than any of the prophecies foretold, and they won't starve to death immediately.

I wish for working electricity on my property.

[Generally me]

Granted. But you end up taking to much power more precisely all of the worlds power(somehow) the world is now back into the dark ages just because you want electricity, tut tut tut. Also your house blew up.

I wish I could learn anything I wanted in 1 second