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[WillowLuman]

Granted, you are now Google, and the old you ceases to exist.

I wish I wasn't too tired to give a crap by the time I got home.

[Prophet]

Granted. Your too energetic to give a crap.

I wish that the forum games i'm playing in would update more. ((Mainly because i'm just sitting here trying to not look like a weirdo staring at a screen. Hmmm maybe I should try joining more games? I have no idea why i'm telling you all this.))

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You join more but overcompensate and are soon swamped by updates.

I wish I knew how to end scenes while GMing RTDs.

[Prophet]

Granted. You then lose your hands in a beaver related accident.

I wish I knew how to GM period. ((I really really do. *Sigh*))

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. Your players, however, know nothing of playing properly.

I wish for the ability to destroy or otherwise render unusable subwoofers remotely.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. Best way to learn is from experience. I throw up a thread with a random premise and declare you GM (warning: might actually do this.) DAMN
Granted, but doing so requires building another subwoofer to blast out interference waves for every one you wish to destroy.

I wish for 9 days per week and an according extension of the year.

[Prophet]

Granted. Five days later they change it back because no one could agree on what to name this new days in the week.

I wish that the forum had a Ninja Radar! 

[Arcvasti]

Granted. It makes incredibly annoying noises when one is spotted. In any thread. In any forum. It sounds like a siren going off most of the time.

I wish for something fizzy.

[Prophet]

Granted. After I put the order for something fizzy in the shipping company mistakes fizzy for fuzzy they send you Fuzzy the man eating bear.

I wish for corn lots and lots of corn!

[WillowLuman]

Earth, rolling by under a wide angle shot. The camera pans back to reveal a massive object moving between the sun and the planet, casting a shadow over the Northern hemisphere. Cut to Prophet looking up, his town finding itself in sudden darkness of an unnatural eclipse. The great dark circle in the sky is growing bigger. No, closer. The camera zooms in on the great sky-object, and as it begins to enter the atmosphere, it's underside lights up. Cut to the surface of the object: millions of corn ears explode into popcorn before incinerating, yet the whole mass survives, screaming down, down towards the helpless people below. Cue title card.

I wish for more film treatments of wishes.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted, but you must write them yourself

I wish that would happen.

[WillowLuman]

A man sitting in front of a computer, back to the camera, screen and man in the center of the shot. Cut to his eyes, reading, then to his fingers clicking the mouse and typing. Cut to the screen, viewed askew, typing in a forum text box: "I wish that would happen." Close up on the "post" button as he clicks it.

I wish other people would write them, too.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. In your impatience to read a film treatment of a wish, you begin slapping a bystander with two sardines to catchy music which you think would better fit a hypothetical Slaves to Armok Chapter III: Shipping Wars cartoon. This goes on for a few hours, after which the bystander looks at a clock, stops texting, pulls an incongruously large shark out of Now-Here, and slaps you, sending your stunt double flying into the nearest salty body of water.Fade to cyan.

I wish for non-d6 dice to start raining from the sky.

[Cptn Kaladin Anrizlokum]

Granted. D0 dice rain from the sky. No one knows any different. This is true. 100% real life.

I wish the WiFi worked in my bedroom.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. I stop my nasty aireplay script.

I wish for a molasses flood.