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[Worldmaster27]

Granted. A chaotic evil lawful good corporation puts a collar on your neck that prohibits you from using your self-destruct powers, and turns you into an immortal death cyborg. They electrocute you every time you speak or don't do something 136% to their satisfaction.

I wish I could control the Objective Death Cyborg.

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
But you become berserk and you died because of an dwarf wielding an artifact silver hammer with being the most skillful at using it.

I wish that the humans stop visiting my nest. those pesky humans invade my nest forcing me kill them, and they wonder why I killed so many.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. Humans no longer come to your nest. Instead, tanks do.

I wish I had my own private tank that I could legally drive around.

[Shoruke]

Granted, but your control is limited to whether it should kill you quickly but gruesomely, or slowly and painfully.

Granted. Humans stop visiting you because your nest has a machinegun turret in it. It will shoot at you if you move.

I wish everyone would get their homonyms straight. Their not hard, people.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. A wizard turns you into a human and now you're just a weird dude living in a giant nest.
Granted, but they can't tell the difference between synonyms and antonyms any more.

I wish I remembered what was wrong with my superhero mod so I could fix it.

[Shoruke]

Granted; PEBKAC.

I wish I was able to use my katana-brella while motorcycling.

[TD1]

Granted. You crash. Because no matter what someone said, putting an umbrella through the spokes was a bad idea.

I wish I owned a sword that couldn't hurt anyone I didn't want it to.

[blazing glory]

Granted,it just hurts you.

I wish I didn't have writers block when it comes to making character sheets.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. It can't hurt anyone you want it to, either.
Granted. You create the most floridly described, irritatingly perfect, grating characters in the history of anything.

I wish I knew how to Powerpoint.

[TD1]

Granted. The powerpoint also learns how to HugoLuman
I wish that I was a published author, and that my book did moderately well and was equally popular.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. You now have a block on your head. And it hurts. But if you let it fall, the world will end.
Granted. You can only power one point of your body at a time.

Granted. Due to recent successes of other authors, being considered moderately good is not enough to live on.

I wish you all didn't skip over my wish.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You can't afford to keep the tank fueled.

I wish for tank fuel.

[blazing glory]

Granted,it's put down your throat.

I wish I was more creative.

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
But now it creates an paradox that destroys the universe .

(finally, an wish to deal with the tank problem have been having lately)
I wish for an fully working automated sticky grenade launcher that does not shoot at me or Other roc's (I do have to mate, do I).

[TD1]

Granted. Instead, you answered the wish as "Granted. Here are some Happy Thread Fuel Tanks."
Granted. It shoots the ground at their feet.

I wish I got the above wish answer of Fuel Tanks. XD