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[IronTomato]

Granted. You quickly become this sonofabitch:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRk33QL_Fjo

I wish there was a reason for Revolver Hugolot carrying 3 unloaded revolvers.

[WillowLuman]

They're for juggling.

I wish I knew just WTF is the plot of that series anyway.

[IronTomato]

Granted. Revolver Hugolot is pretty good... At understanding plots.

I wish I could last a long time in rogue likes.

[JackOSpades]

Granted you last a long time in "Rogue Likes" the world's premier dating site for Pirates, Thieves, and Nair-do-wells. your receive tons of responses from members who want to "plunder your booty" even after you tell them you don't have any treasure...

I wish I knew what was wrong with my brain today.

[IronTomato]

Granted. It could be a tumor.
(No, it's not a toomah!)

I wish for a spellbook.

[JackOSpades]

Granted it's a book about spelling for first graders hopefully it'll be useful.

I wish my body would get off the graveyard shift it's been 2 years since I worked that shift last.

[Erils]

Granted but noone understands your wish so, something goes worng, not sure what.

I wish that I (the cat) could live a happy, long, healthy life.

[HissinhWalnuts]

Granted but your only happy and healthy because of addictive medicines that the cat gods deem unworthy making your afterlife terrible.


I wish my !!ANALFURY!! was more effective.

[RadtheCad]

Granted.  Your anus is now on fire, and pretty angry about it.  Its anger is pretty effective-  unfortunately, it's taking it out on you.  You poor sod.

I wish I'd done better in today's maths test.

[Lord_lemonpie]

Granted. The only thing is that your teacher accuses you of cheating, so you get a straight 1. (or something else, the worst mark possible, depends on what country you live in)

I wish my bearded dragon wasn't such a boring pet.

[HissinhWalnuts]

Granted, but its so exciting you have a heart attack.

I wish for more focusable !!ANAL FURY!!

[IronTomato]

Granted. Now, when you are infuriated, you shoot fire out of your !!ANUS!!.

I wish for a new avatar.

[HissinhWalnuts]

Granted its the same avatar with inverted colors.


MORE !!ANAL FURY!!

[Lord_lemonpie]

Granted. There is so much fire coming out of your !!ANUS!! It tears apart.

I wish latin was easy

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You're a roman. A poor Roman.

I wish for a working lighter. And accidentally lighting me on fire does NOT count as working condition. Nor does possessing a malevolent intelligence or bad luck.