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[RAM]

Granted, once you pop you can't stop, you die from chronic diarrhoea.

I wish for all cans of Pringles to be tortured to death.

[pisskop]

Granted.  You are forced tasked with this obligation by the high court of your country.

I wish the CIV Holy Roman theme would get out of my head!

[Remuthra]

Granted. You are now deaf. And suffered brain damage.

I wish for a keyboard that registers properly.

[RAM]

Your keyboard now registers when you press the 'properly' button. It also registers the buttons for every other string of letters that is currently written. Your keyborad is now so large that, even with the index, it takes several hours to find the button that you want. It also crushed all your worldly possessions, computer, and legs, included...

I wish that flame wars didn't exist.

[Gentlefish]

Granted. Welcome to waterworld.

I wish for a zombie apocalypse.

[Zephyr]

Granted. The entire fanbase of Justin Bieber moves into your town.

I wish those damn goblins didn't destroy my fort just now X_X

[RAM]

Granted, the goblins ruined your fort prior to "just now". And the dwarves ruined it before them. And it was really ruined at worldgen because you didn't mod in 20-humped camels...

I wish that I could wish that I was less Evil.

[Gentlefish]

Granted. According to an obscure alien species from Star Control 2, you became so good that you became evil.

[RAM]

Granted, existence ends and then an explosion fills the void.

I wish to live forever.

[Zephyr]

granted. too bad you're stranded in space.

I wish this strep throat or whatever it is...CEASED TO BE O_o

[Aseaheru]

Granted. the rest of you followed suit.

I wish for SPAAACE. and me not expiring EVER.
this counts as no death.

[Sirus]

SPAAAAACE is full of STAAAAARS. You fall into one and can never get out or die ever.

I wish for amazing freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies.

[mistertimn]

Granted. They're so amazing that only the Gods can eat them, and you are smited down for attempting to eat them as a mere mortal.

I wish that every day was a Steam Sale.

[Sirus]

There is. For realz. Shame that it's usually something fairly boring.

I wish that I had all of Superman's powers, including the required secondary powers that allow me to function in normal human society.

[Remuthra]

Granted. The inventory management system only allows you to equip a certain number of powers at a time. And it ends up permanently stuck on only allowing your boring secondary powers, like the ability to file tax returns on time.

I wish for an imaginary friend.