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[RAM]

Granted, but I have the controller. MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHahaaahahahahahahahahahahaha Ga'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'aaaaaaaaaagh Hah hah hee hee hoo hoo hee haaah!

I wish that maniacal laughter was a regularly used method of communication.

[Vgray]

Granted, everybody speaks in maniacal laughs except you.

I wish I had a portal to Light Aether.

[RAM]

Granted, your Aether converts all portals to light. All openings in existence are simultaneously converted into energy and continue to become so until there is no longer an opening, typically due to the demise of the housing around the portal. Between the caves, volcanoes, and all buildings everywhere blinding, ionising, and vaporising everything nearby, it is generally regarded to be a bad day to exist...

I wish for hyphens.

[Zephyr]

----granted---- but you poke your eye out with one.

I wish i could go back to sleep.

[tomio175]

You go back to sleep. You have a very real nightmare. A RECURRING one, even.

I wish for a dorf.

[Gentlefish]

Granted.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

MAGMAAAAAAAAA!!!

I wish I had a mobile suit gundam.

[RAM]

Granted, but the physical limits of your reality prevent it from functioning. It promptly falls over and crushes some valuable property so you have to sell it at a low price to cover the expenses.

I wish to be the main character of a children's book.

[Gentlefish]

Granted. You now help children everywhere learn their ABC's.

I wish for a delicious cupcake for me to consume.

[Remuthra]

Granted. A delicious cupcake created for the sole purpose of your consumption appears in it's own protective capsule in orbit around Zeta Centauri.
I wish for an observatory.

[RAM]

Granted, an observatory is dedicated to you. It observes you constantly and broadcasts everything you do to the internet.

I wish to be bitten by a radioactive animal.

[misko27]

Granted. It was a starfish (somehow). Congrats on your sticking inanimately to the wall skills.

I wish I had a amazingly sucessful never-fail password cracker.

[Remuthra]

Granted. You now have in your possesion one saltine that requires a password to eat. The password never fails to keep people from savoring it.

I wish to become a cyborg.

[RAM]

You are reprogrammed and serve faithfully as a car-safety test-dummy for the rest of your days.

I wish for the words "wish" and "sandwich" to exchange meanings.

[dragnar]

I sandwich for a wish.

[pisskop]

Granted, you sandwich between Pigpen and a sweaty fat guy.  Enjoy and wish well.

I wish for healthy, cleansing yoga and some citrate of magnesia.