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[Aseaheru]

It turns out to be a massmurder who frames you. have fun in jail!
I wish for STAARRRSSSSSSSSS to go away from me.

[Zephyr]

granted. the sun included... we all freeze to death. thanks x_X

i wish i had some general tao's chicken >,>

[pisskop]

Granted, its that bad kind that drips with cheap sauce and you can tell its really just smothered chicken fingers.

I wish I had connections at the hospital. . .

[Remuthra]

There's no such thing as general tao's chicken. Your wish selfdestructs to prevent a dangerous reality instability. A great amount of force is released at the wish site, and you get the idea.

I wish it was Valentine's Day.

[Gentlefish]

Granted. It is a day we celebrate the murder of Saint Valentine.

I wish I had an energy drink right now.

[RAM]

Granted. Enjoy an unlimited supply of Radiofresh: guaranteed to remain in your digestive tract until it reaches critical mass!

I wish for a monopoly on practical interstellar transit.

[Remuthra]

Granted. All copies of Monopoly now double as FTL drives.

I wish I didn't have to go through that file hosting process.

[RAM]

Granted, you now have to go through door-ways like everyone else...<insert easy 'the internet is gone' comment>

I wish that I could transform into a chair.

[Guardian G.I.]

Granted. A giant lardass sits on you and crushes you.

I wish I had a safe and reliable time machine that can navigate through space-time continuum, alternate timelines and alternate universes without the threat of being annihilated by time paradoxes.

[lemon10]

Granted. It requires a pound of diamonds to power it up the first time. Sadly you can never afford them, and look at the time machine in your corner with regret at what could have been for the rest of your life.

I wish England, France and Germany team up to fight the war of aggression started by the newly founded Australian empire.

[Guardian G.I.]

Granted. Suddenly, Russia and China team up and conquer both Australia and England, France and Germany.

I wish Muse would go on a concert tour in my country.

[Svarte Troner]

Granted, exclusively for Mr. Lukashenko's enjoyment.

I wish any notable European black metal band that I like would go on tour in my country. in a forest near me.

[Emral282]

Granted. The person in front of you in line gets the last ticket.

I wish that humanity did not need to sleep.

[NRDL]

Congratulations, the whole world is doomed to the "Russian Sleep Experiment".

I wish we could live in mobile tank-like units, like the Daleks in Doctor Who.

[Guardian G.I.]

Granted. The inability to touch things with own hands makes everyone go insane.
I wish I had a radio-controlled Dalek, which is not actually sentient, doesn't have a death ray, and is not programmed to kill me or anyone else.