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[ATHATH]

Skip the banter, get on with the SLAUGHTER, meatbag.

Fixed.

[Teneb]

Maybe we'll advance the plot someday.

Spoiler: Vox Populi (click to show/hide)

PART 33 – Hippiemancy

Tatooine/Ebon Hawk

The will of the people A Thing has spoken: abridged conversations to reduce boring conversations and my workload!



Obligatory transition screen. I initially started using these to show which area I was going to, but now I am just fond of them.


: I’m sorry? What are you talking about?
Maana Demknot: You should be sorry for sharing a species with that… that creature. I swear, “Helena” must be your word for pit rancor.
: Just get out of my way.
Maana Demknot: Get out of your way, out of her way. I’ve already left the cantina and now I can’t walk down the street. Arrogant humans! All of you!

Anyway, we’ve been nice long enough. Time to go full goth dark side.


: I’ll take however as long I want. Understand?
Mechanic: Uh, is there some kind of a problem? I’m just doing my job, I don’t want any trouble from you.
: I think you’re my problem. Maybe I should do something about it.

Actually I don’t say that, it doesn’t give any dark side points so I don’t care. Anyway, he explains how the sandcrawlers we eventually see in the movies being manned by the Jawas are built and owned by Czerka. Things got a heck of a mileage on them if they lasted around 4000 years. He also mentions how the sand people love to attack them and how Czerka is offering a bounty. This bounty, my friends, is how we’ll balance our alignment scale to match the thread title.



Hippie Duros: And don’t tell me to take my concerns to your corporate kiosk! I know when I’m not wanted.!
: What’s going on? Who are you?

We are the most polite darksider.

Duros: I’m done talking in this office. They aren’t interested in listening to me. I doubt they will even acknowledge I was here. Typical corporate evasion. That’s what happens when they own everything. No accountability. Don’t even bother bringing it up.

Does this mean we’re shadowrunners?



Poor lady doesn’t even have a name. And she’s a pretty big part of the plot here. Even if only as the dispenser of our blood money.


Protocol Officer: If this is about employment, I’m afraid all regular mining positions are full. And before you ask, we are also no longer selling hunting licenses.

Don’t do this, lady. You won’t like me when I’m angry.

: I’m looking for a miner named Griff.

Oh yeah, we’re also doing this. I won’t blame you for forgetting. If I had been doing this blind I probably would’ve.

Protocol Officer: Griff? Uh... there’s no Griff here. Never heard of him. No, I… I don’t remember a single Griff on the Czerka Corporation payroll.

Wow, he sure left an impression.

We can use persuade or force persuasion to deal with it, but we can also just shell 20 creds and be done with it. This is what she has to say about the grifter (oh BioWare, you are so clever with names, it’s like you are doing this on purpose.

Protocol Officer: We hired that Twi’lek some time ago. Not a good worker according to his crew chief: always complaining and faking injuries to get out of work. He entered false time sheets and slept through his shifts. We even suspected him of stealing Czerka Corporation supplies, although we could never prove it.
: Yes, that sounds like him.
Protocol Officer: We would’ve fired him but we needed workers. It would have been better for him if he had been fired. Then the sand people wouldn’t have gotten him.
: You mean he’s dead?
Protocol Officer: He was lost in a Sand People raid we suffered not too long ago. There were prisoners taken, but our rescue parties never found anyone alive. In the it just wasn’t cost effective to keep searching. All miners sign a waiver absolving Czerka Corporation of liability in these circumstances.
: Did the sand people kill Griff or not!

I AM NOT SHOUTING!

Protocol Officer: We didn’t find his body so we have to assume he was taken prisoner. Whether he’s still alive, I couldn’t say.

So it was a Disney-esque death. Huh.

Protocol Officer: That’s all I can tell you. I shouldn’t even have said this much; this is all privileged corporate information. I could lose my job!
: Is there some type of reward for saving him?
Protocol Officer: As I said, all employees have signed waivers absolving Czerka Corporation of any financial liability if this occurs. It is the industry standard. I suppose you could apply for special dispensation from Czerka Corporation Representative Kisosk on Corsuscant. Business hours only, please.

This is how you say “ha ha no” in corporate.

Anyway, asking about the licenses has her tell us there are too many people “cavorting” outside the walls. But there may be a way…


She wants us to massacre go Anakin on the sand people living nearby. If we agree, we get the license, plus a bounty for each of their gaffi sticks, and an extra for their chieftain’s stick.

: Why pay for the gaffi sticks? Why not their heads?

You thought blood money was an euphemism?

Protocol Officer: Which would you rather have dumped on your office floor? Besides, they are ceremonial weapons unique to each warrior. It’s just as good.

Yeah, it’s not like they can be falsified or anything. This better pay more than monkey hunting though, or things won’t end well for Czerka. Either way, we agree to it because we are too light-sided.

Protocol Officer: Excellent. Now, just so we understand each other, this is an enforceable contract. Czerka Corporation takes this very seriously.

Wait, but we didn’t sign anything. Are all contracts purely verbal in The Galaxy Far Far Away?



There’s this guy who basically runs another general store. Trying to grill him for info will just end up with us being pointed to the nameless protocol officer. With that done, we go outside, only to be interrupted by an angry hippie bent on preventing us from completing the neutral challenge.



Yeah, hello to you too.

: Is this about Czerka wanting the sand people chieftain killed?

Thank you anonymous writer, thank you for writing just Czerka.

Duros: So, you are the killer that they hired. Just going to walk out there and wipe them out? I’d expect no less from fools. The sand people aren’t animals. I’ve watched them, and they are intelligent.

This never stopped any murderhobo RPG protagonist before.

Duros: There must be a way to peacefully stop the attacks… I know it. But no one will try, of course. You can’t even leave the city without Czerka approval and they want the sand people dead.
: Why would you know any better?
Duros: Perhaps I’m no expert on diplomatic situations, but I know when there is a lack of due care for the environment and the residents of it.

What would be the Tatooine equivalent of a Green Party anyway? Brown Party?

Duros: What would you have done? To the sand people, it must have seemed like an invasion. There were no negotiations for territory or resources.

Keep in mind Duros are pretty much a race of ayy lamao.

Duros: I don’t think the killing has been justified, but as a conservationist I’m hoping someone at least tries to talk this out.

And now he shows his true colours.

Anyway, we can ask about why no one has tried talking it out and he admits no one knows their language. Also a Jedi showed up and tried, but it “ended in blood”. We can actually find the body later.

He mentions (THIS IS A HINT, PLAYER, ARE YOU GETTING THIS HINT?) that maybe with a protocol droid you could do it, and what do you know there is an unique one right here in town on the droid shop!

We just say we’ll think about it and he walks away.

But since we bothered to ask about Griff, let’s check on Mission.

: I want to talk to you about your brother.
: Talk? What is there to talk about? Those sandpeople [sic][/i] took my brother prisoner! Griff may be a slime but we have to go rescue him! We can’t just leave him with those… those… those monsters![/i]

Something, something, Skywalker, something.

: Don’t worry Mission – we’ll get him back.
: I knew I could count on you! There’s definite fringe benefits to being friends with a Jedi!

And since we’re resolving sidequests…

: It’s not that I look forward to seeing her, I just can’t help but wonder what she wants. But… perhaps we have better things to do.

And since we bought the damn skull plate…


Not what I expected, didn’t even know he had this dialogue.

: I have something to sell you.
Fazza Utral: So I see. That’s the biggest desert wraid skull plate I’ve seen in a season. Whoever got that was a skilled hunter. I’ll give a premium price on that one. I’ve a buyer that put in a special request. Does 500 credits sound fair?

That’s how much we paid for it. Somewhere, a space monkey is laughing.

By the way? No persuade or force persuade or bargaining or anything. Take it or leave it. So it’s literally free light side points. Damn it and damn me for not checking beforehand.



We also get threatened by a Jawa.


Could it be?



Yes, it is. Swoop racing is back. We can talk to the racers, but most are jerks. That’s ok, though, since we can be jerks too!


Also this lucky guy.


Of course, any remotely semi-legal thing has to have a Hutt nearby.

Motta: Let’s have a look at you. Hmm… just a human… nothing really special. You race? Maybe own a swoop.
: I raced on Taris. I won the season opener there.
Motta: Ha! You and twelve other liars. Planet blows up, race records are lost, and now everyone is a champion.
: My friend tells the truth. I am a Jedi… are you going to imply that I am lying, as well?
Motta: Ho ho! Now you are champion and travel with Jedi? Does the story get bigger with every telling?

Motta is the best jerk in Tatooine.

: Nobody here can compare with the racers you rode against on Taris. You’ll wipe every record from the books on this backwater track!

Actually, Taris is the easiest race in the game due to being mandatory.

Motta: Okay, okay, enough of the funny stuff. You think you’re a racer, you’ll be one. You have your own bike?
: I have my own bike stored on my ship.
Motta: You got a bike, then you can race. I don’t care about experience, so long as you can get out on the track. And if you crash and burn, that’s your problem. I just need warm bodies to pad the roster between the pros.

Gotta pay 100 creds to get in, though. I pity the inexperienced player with no cash (read: me when I first played this). He also offers us a job on the side. He has a star racer, see, but he wants more. An exclusivity contract where Motta pays for expenses but takes a pretty big cut of the winnings.

: I talked to Motta about you.
Nico: Did you? I’m not sure that it’s any of your business. Top racers keep to their own. I don’t know you. Maybe if you were better on the track I might feel like talking about it. Someone who can turn out the fast times might understand.

So we gotta race. First race has a time of 0:23:90 we need to beat. I make it in about 22 seconds.



Oh yeah, he also pays us in racing bonds instead of actual cash. They’re worth about 60 each, but only once per race tier. The time we beat was Garm’s , the rodian we talked with.

Still not enough for our boy Nico it seems. I didn’t bother screencapping the second tier, but I won anyway.


We can be an asshole to Yuka Rill here, whose time we beat in tier 2.

Yuka: You don’t look like anyone I owe. Stop fooling with me.
: [Force Persuade] You know you need to pay me.
Yuka: [Success] I know I need to pay you. It’s obvious my old loans have caught up to me. I knew it would happen.
: *whisper* The Force should not be used for profit and personal gain. As Jedi we should be above such things.
Yuka: Here, this is everything I have. Now just leave me to figure out how I’m going to pay for track time.

Dark side!


Garm: Uh, I didn’t mean anything. I don’t want any trouble.
: [Force Persuade] Go away. *Now.*
Garm: I’m not waiting around for you to snap. I’m no fighter. I just race.


Sweet karma meter.

[Teneb]

I swear, the space monkeys. They torture me so. Remember how I killed them all? I also looted a box with three glands near the poachers before doing them in. That means I sold ALL glands to the poachers. Problem? A quest in Tatooine calls for three glands. Apparently there may be a way to get them still, but only after getting another quest in Manaan that will send me back to Kashyyyk. I cannot express how annoyed I am.

[A Thing]

I swear, the space monkeys. They torture me so. Remember how I killed them all? I also looted a box with three glands near the poachers before doing them in. That means I sold ALL glands to the poachers. Problem? A quest in Tatooine calls for three glands. Apparently there may be a way to get them still, but only after getting another quest in Manaan that will send me back to Kashyyyk. I cannot express how annoyed I am.

Knights of the Old Republic Part 34: The Phantom Monkeys.

[BFEL]

I swear, the space monkeys. They torture me so. Remember how I killed them all? I also looted a box with three glands near the poachers before doing them in. That means I sold ALL glands to the poachers. Problem? A quest in Tatooine calls for three glands. Apparently there may be a way to get them still, but only after getting another quest in Manaan that will send me back to Kashyyyk. I cannot express how annoyed I am.

I think that the genus of those space monkeys was "zapbranigus monkotus"

[Teneb]

This is... bizarre. I can't post the update because it says the message body is empty when it's not? Yet I can post this just fine?

Can't edit it in either. WTF. And now, by magic, I can. Forums, how do they work.

Spoiler: Learn to play, noob (click to show/hide)

PART 34 – Pazaak Shark

Tatooine/Ebon Hawk

The third tier for Tatooine’s swoop race is actually pretty hard. I fail a couple of times before getting it done.


While most of this update was recorded two days ago, this initial bit was months ago. I stopped because I got tired of trying to win this race and then stuff happened. Apparently I ran off the racer that holds the time we got to beat and didn’t screenshot it while wrapping that session up.

Anyway, we finally win.


Motta: That’s the last I’ll be giving you, I hope. You’re too fast for most of my racers.

Yup, swoop racing quest is now officially done. By the way, if we were to go back to the hunting lodge, they’d mock us as a “swoop-head”.

But that means we can talk to Nico now.


Nico: I suppose you’ve got a right to know track business, what with the times you’ve been posting.
: Why don’t you want the deal with Motta?
Nico: It’s not that I’m not grateful. I mean, it would get me into the pros. I don’t have the credits to get in on my own.

It’s worth nothing that Nico does not use the two looped “alien speak” lines most twi’leks do. They actually got a voice actor to say his lines.

Nico: Not that I care about credits. I just want to race… but the deal with Motta is pretty bad. He’ll get most of what I win.

Didn’t you just say you don’t care for the money?

: I think you should sign the contract he offered.
Nico: Do you now? You might know a good deal, I guess. You sure know your way around the track.
: [Force Persuade] You will sign the contract with Motta.
: Forcing the boy to sign his life away? Is that really necessary?
Nico: [Success] I… I’ll sign the contract. Yeah, I guess it’s best. I mean, the deal can’t be all bad, right? I mean, you’d know, right? And all I want is to race. Who cares about the credits… who cares. Thanks for… making things clear. If you don’t mind, I think we’re done. Goodbye.

Suddenly too famous to talk to me, huh?

: That promoter’s going to bleed that poor kid dry… but I guess he’s got to learn the only way to get by in this life is to look out for yourself!



Oh yes.


We are so close… but would you believe we will leave this rock with still a blue tint to our beautiful grey fog?



Looks like we got ourselves a fan club.

Anyway, let’s tell the Hutt we got him his indentured servant.


Motta: I thought he would. Very good. I’ll have him training off this barren rock as soon as possible. He’ll make me rich. Now, I think I offered 20 racing bonds for the job. I’m happy to pay it.
: This will be fine. Good luck.
Motta: He’ll be the best there is one day, and I’ll own him.

Speaking of fans, when we step outside…

: What? My autoprint? Are you serious?
Fan: Sure I am! You are fast for a human, and once the races are running regular again, you’ll be famous. Well, maybe you will. If you start winning on the real tour, I want to be able to say I saw you when you were just starting out. How about it?
: Sure, why not. Scan away.
Fan: Really? That is great of you. You will be a fan favorite. Some of the racers sell their prints, but that is just rude. Here, just put your hand on this pad. Thanks again. I know I’ll be seeing more of you, human.


But we’re not done with our fanclub, oh no.

Dark Jedi: Lord Malak was most displeased when he learned you had escaped Taris alive! He has promised a great reward to whoever destroys you.

Anchorhead Street Fight

This music actually plays during a few battles in Taris. Most of the soundtrack is pretty good, and this one is one of the best.


One of the Dark Jedi is a douchebag that keeps using drain life.


See how mission is down? This will be a problem later.

Tatooine/Ebon Hawk


Anyway, loot includes a datapad.

This datapad contains detailed descriptions of you and Bastila. It also has a brief message: Bastila has escaped Taris. Whoever can find and dispose of her and her Jedi companion will be greatly rewarded by Lord Malak himself.

I give Bastila one of the Dark Jedi robes they dropped because she’s about to be edgy and it’s slightly better than her current robes.




Behold the cantina. Also behold how a dude is staring at a shitty hologram of a musician when there are actual musicians on a stage slightly to the side.


Here are two Czerka officers who talk about how Tatooine was supposed to be full of good ore, but instead has trash ore.


This man that actually has his own unique voice (they probably reused a voice actor for him, but the voice itself can’t be heard elsewhere in the game) and talks about swoop.


This Jawa. Talk to it.


: ”We that are taken?” Are some of your people missing?
Jawa: Is this interest? Not from your kind, though Iziz thinks otherwise. Speak to him if you are acting and pretending. Jawas are tired of giant-speak. Might as well slave to the gaffi. So you trade, but what is that if no help is given?

Yup, a random Jawa in a bar is who gives you directions to who we need to talk to finish the planet. Tatooine is actually really fast.


The bartender will sell us basic supplies and refuse to answer questions. We buy Gizka poison from him.


: Okay, let’s talk Pazaak.
Furko: Ha ha! Very good! Would you… care to wager on a game?
: I’ll play. What is the wager?

I missed the shot, but it’s fifty credits.

Furko: To be fair, I’ll use my practice deck as well. I don’t want to scare you off, you understand.
: Let’s go.
Furko: Ha ha! Very good. Now, don’t worry if I beat you too harshly. It is a learning experience.

He’s an asshole, though. Anyway, I win.

Furko: Would you like to have another round of Pazaak? I mean, I don’t want to say that it was beginner’s luck, but you should play again to truly get a feel for the game.
: I’ll play. What is the wager?
Furko: Hmm… you have some rudimentary skills. I think I’ll use my second best deck this time and up the stakes. 200 credits will be the wager. I trust you will have the money on hand?
: You’re on. Let’s have at it!
Furko: You won’t be so eager in a moment. I promise you.

I win.

Furko: Would you like to have another round of Pazaak? It’s only fair, after all. You have won against me twice, but I still think I can teach you a thing or two.
: I’ll play. What is the wager?
Furko: Well… you have proven quite the opponent, but I think the time has come to end this. You will not win again. I usually only use this deck at tournaments, but I think you’re worthy of it. Shall we say… 500 credits on the outcome?
: Bring it on.
Furko: Yes… well then, 500 credits on the line. Heh… here we go.

I win.

Furko: Would you like to have another round of Pazaak? However, you’ll understand if we don’t have any wagers. I… respect your ability too much to insult you by betting on you losing.

Winning three times will have him refuse to play you for money again, though you could play for fun I guess.

: Right. Goodbye.
Furko: Stop by anytime. I’d like to visit my money.

And so it was that we parted a man from his money.

Finally…


: I am here, Mother. Or don’t you recognize me?
Helena: What do you expect, when I haven’t so much as had a picture of you since you left? Do you know how long I’ve been trying to find you?
: You know as well as I communication would be impossible once I joined the order. Now what is this about? Where is Father?
Helena: Then you haven’t heard. I should have known.
: Has something happened to him? Are you going to tell me or not?
Helena: Your father is dead, Bastila. That is part of the reason why I was looking for you.
: Dead? What happened? What did you do to him?!
Helena: Isn’t this a lovely reunion? Already she is flinging insults at me. Tell me… you’re one of her friends. Do you treat your mother this way?
: My mother is long dead, if you must know.
Helena: Is that so? Well, I’ll be joining her soon enough, I suppose.
: I was told you were sick. Are you actually dying, or is this merely melodrama for my benefit?
Helena: Such sweet things you say. *sigh* Perhaps I should tell you everything, first, before we start arguing again.
: You could start by telling me what you got Father into that killed him.
Helena: I hadn’t realized Jedi were so spiteful. You want me to tell you I brought you father here for an expedition, do you? You want to blame me for his death? You never accepted that your father loved going on his treasure hunts, leaving you alone with me. I was always to blame for everything, what else is new? So yes, fines. I brought your father here to look for krayt dragon pearls. He took an expedition into the Tatooine desert and he died.
: How can you be sure of that? Father is an experienced –
Helena: Do you think I would look for you if I wasn’t sure? They were attacked by a krayt dragon and one of the guides fled the battle. He saw your father killed.
: I… see. So what do you want from me? Credits?
Helena: Don’t be insulting. I want you to use those senses of yours. I want you to find him. I want you to bring back his holocron.
: Why? So you can sell it?
Helena: Is it too much to ask  that I have something to remember your father by? Of course it is, isn’t it? You couldn’t be bothered.
: We’re very busy on a mission from the Jedi Council. I doubt I’ll have the time. Ask my companions if you doubt me.
: Don’t you want to find your father’s remains, Bastila?
: What remains would there be? Krayt dragons are huge predators, easily able to devour a human, and the desert is a harsh environment. Finding my father’s remains would be an even more impossible task than finding his holocron. An ignoble end to a fine man.
: Why don’t you get the holocron yourself, Miss… er… Helena?
Helena: As my daughter is quick to point out, I haven’t got the coin to hire another expedition. Nor am I the adventurer my husband was.
: What about your mother’s sickness?
: It doesn’t seem to have anything to do with what she’s asking. Are you actually sick, Mother?
Helena: What difference does it make to you? None, I’m sure. Just find your father’s holocron and you won’t have to worry about me again either way.
: That’s the kind of response I would expect. Very well. We’ll look for the holocron if we have time. I can’t promise any more than that.
Helena: I believe your father was headed north towards the sand people enclave. I would check that route, dear. Do please hurry.

Looks like the writers got confused here. Everyone else says south, and indeed it’s south. Anyway, let’s wrap this up. We’ll finish Tatooine next update I think.

[Teneb]

This update is brought to you by Imgur's horrible new interface that also scrambles the image order because screw you.

Spoiler: I’ll be back (click to show/hide)

PART 35 – Come with me if you want to kill

Tatooine/Ebon Hawk

Let’s start off by talking to Bastila.


: About my mother? I am unsure. I seem to find it difficult to remain objective when it comes to her. I find that… disturbing.

Keep in mind I have not actually moved away from Helena for this conversation, so she’s hearing it all.

: You don’t think we should look for the holocron?
: We have more important things to do. Still… my father is dead. Just because we find the holocron doesn’t mean I have to give it to her.
: Why do you think she wants it so badly?
: Father recorded all his personal thoughts in that holocron even when I knew him. Having it would be like having him with you. I don’t see why she deserves it, however. She drove him to his death. I loved him… and I didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye.
: Maybe you’re right.
: Yes… maybe. I don’t feel good about it, still. Please, let’s just keep going.

On our way to our next and final destination in Anchorhead…

: I would never use the Force for such a petty and trivial revenge! The mere thought of it is preposterous!
: Ah, come on. There’s got to be times when you’ve thought about it. Don’t be so stuck up – you can tell me.
: I am not stuck up. I merely have the years of training to give me the wisdom and understanding to see how childish such an act would be.
: Childish? Is this a crack at my age? You ain’t much older than me, miss high and mighty! Just ‘cause you’re some Jedi doesn’t mean you can be a prissy little…

: What the -?? Hey, that wasn’t funny!
: I have no idea what you’re talking about, Mission. Come now, we have to get going. Please do try to be less clumsy in the future.

Light side!

Here, have a random thing:




Hello there.


This is Yuka Laka, brother of the ithorian swoop racer we extorted money from. He sells droid stuff, of which I buy everything, spikes and parts, of which I buy a lot. But I also inquire about the red droid in the corner.

: What do you have available on your shop?
Yuka: You are lucky to have come at this time. I have one droid ready to go. I just took possession of it. An HK-47. It’s a fine protocol translator. I think it’s been modified. It claims to understand the sand people dialect, and also has some armor mounts. Combat ready, perhaps?
: Did the Jawas bring you this HK-47?
Yuka: No, they keep assembled or working units to sell themselves. They don’t have them often. No place to store them. Mostly they bring in parts. There’s the occasional antique. Old blasters and the like. Tatooine has a few buried secrets.
: Let me ask you a few questions about HK-47.
Yuka: Of course. Just let me say that every function I’ve tested has performed perfectly. Those that I could find, anyway.
: You don’t seem to know much about it.
Yuka: The unit has been a little uncooperative. They get that way when they go too long without a memory wipe.

I find it weird that no Star Wars media I know of ever goes into the ethics of having sapient machines enslaved and having their memories regularly erased.

: And if the unit proves even more ‘uncooperative’ once we purchase it?
Yuka: You can leave it alone if you find its mannerisms amusing. It might be a little eccentric, but it’s stable.

Amusing is an understatement.

: Why haven’t you wiped its memory?
Yuka: I would have, but I can’t seem to access any inner circuits. It’s definitely built for security and built to last. At any rate, it claims that it doesn’t have access to its own memory core anyway. Could be telling the truth, it’s hard to say.
: What functions have you tested?

I’m not abridging this because if you haven’t guessed, HK-47 is our last party member.

Yuka: I haven’t examined its programming, but I have made some observations. It has obvious protocol and translation skills, including sand people dialects, apparently. Surprisingly, it also handles weapons exceptionally well. I’d even say it’s seen combat, but it won’t tell. Stubborn thing. It needs to sell itself better. Two moisture farmers have been in, but it just stood there.
: What does the HK-47 designation mean?
Yuka: Haven’t got a clue. It doesn’t match any protocol or utility standard. I assume it’s a retired model. I’d tell you to ask the thing yourself, but it’s pretty stubborn. Quality construction, though.
: Where did you get this HK-47?
Yuka: I acquired the droid from a friend that manages an off-world Czerka warehouse. It was in trade for a debt he owed.

So it fell off the back of a speeder.

: Gee, that doesn’t sound suspicious at all. Warehouse workers have a bad habit of paying off their debts with other people’s property, you know.
Yuka: He said no one would miss it. Might have been surplus. It doesn’t look like it was Czerka-made though.
: I’m interested. Let’s talk price.
Yuka: Well, normally I’d give a discount because I hear you are a swoop racer like my brother, but times are hard right now. It’s a very solid machine, in good shape. I can’t let it go for less than 5000 credits.

We could bargain, but fuck it. I have infinite Pazaak money.

: 5000 is steep, but I’ll pay it.
Yuka: You will? I mean, of course you will! Let me just withdraw those credits… hey, you weren’t lying.

I guess the devs expected you to not pay much attention to Pazaak. I think I have around 3 million credits. … I don’t have a problem, I can stop any time I want.

Yuka: Well, thank you very much. Just go on over and talk to it. I’ll deactivate the restraining bolt when you take possession. It’s a good purchase, especially if it actually speaks a sand people dialect like it said. Of course, I don’t think it was telling me everything. Not many droids are programmed to lie, though.

And now, the moment you’ve been waiting for. Our 9th and final party member.

: My restraining bolt will be deactivated when you take possession of me. Am I to accompany you now? Shall I kill something for you?

Small spoiler, but HK-47 is one of the characters that return in the next game. While his voice acting in this game is good, I much prefer it in the second. It just has more nuance to it. Here it’s a bit too monotone. Anyway, HK means Hunter-Killer, since I don’t think he will actually mention it.

: Kill someone for me?
: Answer: indeed. I am most eager to engage in some unadulterated violence. At your command, of course, master.
: Travel with me now.

I ditch Bastila for him. This is a mistake, as you will see later.

: Statement:  I will enter into your service now, master. I am certain you will make use of my primary functions. My gears are practically quivering with anticipation.


That alignment.


Also how his equipment screen looks like. He can equip droid arms like T3 can, which are great if you are willing to micromanage them.

HK-47 is a pretty great ranged fighter, especially due to the aforementioned droid arms. Of course, he is pretty great when Carth is the best, so we’ll only keep him around for the hilarity. We can also exhaust his dialogue right now. We can only complete his personal storyline when we get to the endgame, though.


: You don’t have to call me master, you know.
: Query: I don’t? I was under the assumption that organic meatbags such as yourself enjoyed such forms of address.
: ’Organic meatbags’?
: Retraction: Did I say that out loud? I apologize, master. While you are a meatbag, I suppose I should not call you such.
: You just called me a meatbag *again*!
: Explanation: It’s just that… you have all these squishy parts, master. And all that water! How the constant sloshing doesn’t drive you mad, I have no idea...
: Neither do I, come to think of it…
: Statement: Now do you understand the travails of my existence, master? Surely it does not compare to your existence, but still.
: I survive, somehow.
: Commentary: As do I. It is our lot in life, I suppose, master. Shall we find something to kill to cheer ourselves up?

This boots us out of the conversation, so back in we go.

: I would like to know more about your functionality.
: Statement: I know some elements of my functionality, master, but not all.
: I thought you said that removing your restraining bolt would restore you memory?
: Qualification: I suspected that it might ,master. But without memory, I had no way of knowing whether or not I knew that was true.
: So you lied to me.
: Qualification: Err… no so much, master. I spoke out of ignorance. I assumed the ithorian was responsible for my memory loss. That does not mean I am not a fully loyal droid willing to serve its master. Right… master?
: How can you not know parts of your functionality?
: Answer: There have been numerous repairs and tampering made to my system, master. Several systems are not operating as they should be. The fact my memory is incomplete may also be due to meatbag incompetence… or something else I am aware of.
: Are you damaged?
: Answer: I believe I have been damaged several times in the past, master. I have always been repaired… but perhaps full functionality has not been restored.
: Tell me what you can, then.
: Observation: I am sure you are aware of the majority of my skills, master. I can handle various sorts of heavy weaponry with ease. My physical abilities are well-above those of your average meatbag, as are my sensor functions… an assassin if you would.
: An assassin?

METAL GEAR?!

: Caution: Shhh, master! Such a function in a droid is highly illegal.
: Err… I won’t tell anyone.
: Commentary:  Good, for I would hate to be turned into scrap, master. That would be a waste of my genius engineering. Answer: My assassination functions are currently non-functional, having been de-activated by the meatbag Yuka Laka on Tatooine. Were they functional, you as my master would be able to specify a target and I would operate independently to the best of my ability to terminate it.
: Is there any way to reactivate that function?
: Answer: not that I know of, master. I still possess all my normal combat and stealth abilities, however.
: Is there any way to repair you?
: Answer: Some of my motor functions can be safely repaired, master… but anything in relation to my memory core is extremely sensitive. I have safeguards installed to protect that core that I cannot de-activate. It is not impossible that other, lesser, memory functions could be restored, however.
: So I can restore your memory?
: Answer: You may attempt to restore portions  of my deleted memory, master, but some skill at repair is required.

And this is why you want to level repair a bit.

: The deeper functions of my core, however, would still be unavailable to tamper with. Conjecture: It is possible that some external stimulus might result in the memory core being reactivated… but I am unaware of any program in existence to do so.
: So you’re saying that your memory might just… come back?
: Conjecture: There may be hidden programming that awaits certain conditions to reactivate my memory core, master… but there is no way to know.

It’s pretty much true, though. In short, HK’s memory will unlock as part of the main storyline. Sure, you can complete the game without him, but hey. I think you can end the game with only two (technically three, but the third will be unavailable for reasons) party members, even.

: It is quite possible that tampering has simply erased my core permanently. If that is so, a meatbag will surely pay!
: So how do I go about restoring part of your memory?
: Answer: Simply tell me that you wish to make the attempt, master, and I will attempt to walk you through it. Please, do be careful.
: I would like to attempt to try restoring some of your memory.
: Affirmative: If you believe your skills are up to the task, master, then I can certainly guide you through the process. Request: I ask only that you be oh so very careful, master. I am too valuable and well-crafted to perish at the hands of ineptitude.
: Let’s get started.
: [Repair] Statement: As you wish, master. The first stage is the simple one, and that is accessing my central control cluster. This may take a while. First you will need to open three panels…

There is a black screen here, but screw increasing upload time for that.

: [Success] …and now rewire the last three relays… yes, good. Well done, master. I believe your operation was a success. Accessing new memory… Access complete: I have restored a great deal of information about my previous owners, master. Would you like to hear it?

Don’t worry, it’s not that much info. But don’t expect us to actually leave this shop in this update.

: Yes, let me hear it.
: Recitation: The earliest memory of my last owner specifies that he was human, a low-ranking commercial officer for Systech Corporation. I am unaware of his designation. He purchased me from an acquaintance I cannot identify, for the purposes of protocol and bodyguard duties.
: Why can’t you identify his acquaintance?
: Explanation: The previous owner is part of memories that are still deleted, master. It is customary for a droid’s memory to be wiped when it is sold.
: This man… is he still alive?
: Answer: Negative, master. The human was terminated by this HK-47 unit prior to system shut-down.
: You killed your own master?
: Affirmative, master, though I had not been programmed to do so. The human’s termination was accidental. Explanation: My former master had owned me for a duration of two standard months before discovering my assassination protocol. He was pleased by the discovery. The human informed me that a competitor corporation was preparing to market a product that would ruin him personally. He was most agitated. He activated my assassination protocol and instructed me to kill all those responsible for the competing product. I proceeded to carry out my order.
: And how did that result in his death?
: My former master was unaware of this, but the competitor was in fact an arm of Systech Corporation, my master’s own employer. It did not take long for my master to realize his mistake. By then, I had already terminated 104 corporate officers.
: You killed 104 people?!
: Statement: It was nothing, really, master. The majority of them were not even expecting it, and I move very quickly. I do not know why my master was so upset, really. He was an officer of Systech and a potential target, but I cannot terminate my own master. I would assume that being the sole officer remaining, he would surely be promoted. Instead, however, the human chose to go insane with rage and attack me.
: And that’s when you killed him?
: Objection: Naturally not, master! As I said, I am incapable of purposefully terminating my owner. That would not be allowed. My master was not a smart man, however. While he was screaming and stabbing me with a writing utensil, he managed to pierce one of my actuators. The resulting shock terminated me, and, sadly, destroyed my assassination protocol. Pure luck on his part, I suspect.
: Well, it *was* his own fault.
: Statement: I was only doing as I was told, master. I would have told the human the proper codes to deactivate my protocol, had he asked. I shut down immediately whenever my master dies. I can only assume that while I was shut down Systech was dismantled and I was auctioned off as former corporate property. Observation: No doubt my sale price was quite cheap, leading to Yuka Laka’s purchase. How very demeaning.
: Are you sure this actuator can’t be fixed?
: Assessment: I do not believe so, master. It would require complete dismantlement of my chassis… a most involved procedure.
: I’m just glad I acquired you myself.
: Observation: So am I, master, though I apologize for not having an as assassination protocol mode to offer you.
: Did you recover any other memories?
: I have recovered knowledge of some other actuators which will ehance my performance, master. I will activate them now. But as for my own history… negative. It will require further effort on your part to restore them, if you wish… though certain stimuli could always restore my core, still, as I explained. For now, please excuse me, master. I wish to meditate upon the face of my former meatbag master as he was electrocuted. I find it most soothing.
[Because of your repairs, HK-47 now has a permanent bonus of +2 to his dexterity.]

I am pretty sure if you wait until the story trigger that unlocks his memories without skill checks, you don’t get these stat boots. So level repair!

 But, this update is running long, so HK’s murder stories will be finished next update.

Does anyone know of an alternative to image hosting? Most others I found tend to delete the image after a time.

[Akura]

Spoiler: I've always felt that HK-47 (click to show/hide)

Was supposed to be a reference to Hitman. The number designation is the same, and "Hunter-Killer" describes Agent 47's job pretty well. The main difference between the two is that Agent 47 has the personality of a suitcase(filled with guns, mind you), while HK-47 really needs to be in more games and I don't care how that happens.

[Teneb]

Spoiler: I've always felt that HK-47 (click to show/hide)

Was supposed to be a reference to Hitman. The number designation is the same, and "Hunter-Killer" describes Agent 47's job pretty well. The main difference between the two is that Agent 47 has the personality of a suitcase(filled with guns, mind you), while HK-47 really needs to be in more games and I don't care how that happens.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

From memory, he's in KotOR, KotOR 2, TOR, and SW:Galaxies

[Teneb]

Double update madness! Further curses on igmur's design!

Spoiler: Visions of cut content (click to show/hide)

PART 36 – Domo Arigato

Tatooine/Ebon Hawk

This time, we’ll talk to the shop owner again and get HK-47’s dialogue out of the way for good. Seriously, he won’t have more lines until the end of the game. Also, I’ll try to see if I can’t finish this damn LP before it hits two years. I have about six months to do that. Witness my folly.


Yuka: But, since you purchased that worn out HK-47, you will get excellent prices as soon as I am restocked.

Filthy lies, he’ll never get restocked or lower his prices.

: Objection: Worn out?! Listen, you talentless organic meatbag… one word from my master and I will pull you apart limb from useless limb!
Yuka: Err… you’ve gotten a little hostile there, droid, haven’t you?
: I have always been hostile. Now that I need no longer rely on you and your primitive maintenance skills I do not need to hide it.
Yuka: Yes, well… just keep it away from me, then. I’m just an honest businessman.
: Let me ask a few questions about HK-47.
Yuka: You bought it. Sold as is with no guarantees. Sorry, but any problem it’s having is yours alone.
: Observation: I am not a problem, you useless organic meatbag! You and your lack of any organized mechanical skills are a problem!
Yuka: Uhhh… yes, like that sort of problem. Good luck with that.
: Goodbye.
Yuka: That’s quite all right. You’ve made me happy with the purchase you’ve already made.
: Query: Can I kill him now, master? I would like ever so much to crush his neck. Just a little. It is a long-time fantasy of mine.

There is no option to let him. Boo, BioWare, boo.

: Maybe later.
: You hear that, meatbag? I will be back!

Can we do more Terminator references?

Yuka: Err… ahh…

Anyway, let’s get the rest of his dialogue out of the way so the rest of Tatooine is just action as far as the eye can see.


I’ll skip the whole “I want to restore your memory” bit because that never changes.

: Access complete: I have recovered information on my owner previous to the commercial officer, master. Intriguing.
: What’s so intriguing?
: Statement: It appears that my previous owner was a human senator on the planet Coruscant. A man of importance who obviously appreciated quality craftsmanship.
: And how did he get ahold of you?
: Answer: I am unsure, master. Any knowledge of my owner previous to him is still deleted. The senator did assume I was a protocol droid, however. UI do remember that I was very pleased to be the property of a senator. One of his assistants discovered my assassination functions later through questioning. The assistant was quite alarmed and told the senator I should be scrapped quickly to avoid a scandal. Naturally the senator had me eliminate the fool.
: Sounds like my kind of guy.

I really wish these kinds of answer gave minute quantities of dark/light side points.

: Observation: I rather like the human, myself. For a meatbag, his priorities were in the right places. I felt most useful. I was most proud to have partaken in the political system of the galaxy. During the time my owner possessed me, he gained significant rank. Given time, I believe he could have become Chancellor. I even eliminated a few key opponents that he did not ask for… freebies, if you will.
: You can do that?
: Answer: Certainly. Why not? I am an intelligent droid, you know.  I see an opportunity and I take it… and my master was most pleased with my work. Observation: I think he would have done far better had he not allowed his use of me to become personal. He set me on his wife.
: And why would he do that?
: Answer: I am unsure. The human was most agitated and angry. I believe his wife had done something that had displeased him greatly. I was to go to their summer estate and terminate his wife… along with whatever male companion I discovered there.
: So his wife was cheating on him.
: Statement: I have no idea, master. Cheating seems to be a relevant term only when one is caught in the act. Otherwise it is viewed as intelligence, no?

While I am inclined to believe that the writer behind HK-47 just went “oh, look at the killbot not understanding relationships”, I think this line can have a lot of meaning.  It also raises the question of if cheating is indeed a thing outside competitions, and if it’s really such a bad thing even then.

: I journeyed to the southern continent, but it appeared my master was not far behind me. Apparently he regretted his activation of the protocol. When I found the wife and her companion, I proceeded to launch my attack… but my master interposed his own body and was destroyed. It was rather a strange meatbag thing to do, do you not agree? Naturally, I shut myself down, my master being terminated.
: So that’s two out of two masters killed.
: Observation: Only so far, master. There are still more memories not recovered, remember?
: What happened to you then?
: Statement: I believe the senator’s wife was unsure what I was or what to do with me. It was she who sold me to the corporate officer, an acquaintance.

The bonus for this one is +2 to his defense rating. He keeps previous gains.


And now for the next one.

: Access complete: I have accessed information on my owner prior to the senator, master. Most… unexpected.
: What now?
: Answer: It appears that previous to my ownership by the senator, I was the property of one Bochaba the Hutt on the planet Sleheyron.

So, little break right now. Sleheyron is important. Why? Because it was supposed to be on this game, but was cut. Below is a screenshot released by BioWare during production. There was an attempt by a modding team to restore the content, but it seems that it failed, as I cannot find anything other than mentions to the project.



Now back to your previously-scheduled murder story.

: So you were a gangster’s assassin droid?
: Statement: So it appears, master. A rather suitable occupation, would you not agree? Hmm. My memories tell me that, for a time, Bochaba was one of the most feared gangsters on Sleheyron. I helped him with his reputation greatly. Over a span of one year, I terminated a grand total of 322 sentient meatbags. These contracts made Bochoba very wealthy.
: And so what happened to stop that?
: It was unfortunate but inevitable that eventually Bochaba would overstep his bounds. I had just cleared two Hutt households when the Exchange retaliated. Statement: I was not even present when my old master was assassinated. I did appreciate the artistry behind his demise upon my return, however.
: Why? How was he killed?
: Answer: Allow me to say that I have little doubt that residents of that sector were fishing pieces of Bochaba out of their soups for weeks afterward. At any rate, I quickly shut down upon my master’s death. The rival Hutt claimed me along with my master’s other possessions. Observation: If that Hutt had only known my true function, he would not have sold me to a senator he bribed regularly.
: You would have preferred to stay on Sleheyron?
: Observation: It would have suited my character, master. I have enjoyed my existence since, more or less, so I do not miss it.
: You would have been found eventually.
: Observation: No doubt, master. It would have been a glorious battle to end my existence with. I would prefer that to rusting on a junk heap.
: Do you remember anything else?
: Answer: Negative, master. There is still more memory that can be restored, however, if you wish to try. As well, I believe I can restore several more programs the Hutt installed to improve my performance. Yesss… they are now active.  Contemplative: I wonder how many more dead masters I might have out there. A droid can live for a long time, you know.

The bonus this time is that he now regenerates. 1hp every 6 seconds. Not a lot, but can save you repair packs depending on how far apart encounters are in whatever area you are.


Gotta pad out the update with some pictures.  I also like to think the shopkeeper is just listening to this all in pure horror.

: Access complete: I have recovered the last of my deleted memory, master. Unfortunately, my history is still not complete.

That’s because it is full of spoilers. I wish there was another check with a ludicrously high requirement that would spoil it anyway.
: What? Why not?
: Answer: As I did inform you, master, the majority of my memory is still locked within my core. That can only be accessed by the appropriate stimuli. And I have no idea what that stimuli might be, unfortunately. Sadly, it seems my true origins will always be a mistery.
: Are you sure your core isn’t just damaged?
: Observation: If it was, master, you restorations will certainly have ensured that the proper stimulus restores my core’s functions. Sadly, that could have already happened and we missed it, and my core was too damaged to activate. Oh, woe is me.
: You are eager to find your origins, are you?
: Query: Wouldn’t you be, master?

Accidental foreshadowing is still foreshadowing.

: Here I am, surrounded by all these meatbags and all I desire is true perfection. Surely there are more droids like me out there, or is that too much to hope?
: Well…
: Objection: Oh, fine. Laugh at me, master. Humiliate your pet droid, go ahead.
: So tell me about this last owner, then.
: Correction: That would actually be my first owner, master. The first I can remember. I had completed an assassination in Mandalorian space… though I have no knowledge of what my target was or who sent me. Regardless, my motor function had been damaged and I could not return to wherever I had been sent from. A Mandalorian soldier claimed me as ‘booty’, I believe.

Yarr.

: He repaired me… poorly, I might add… and proceeded to use my assassination protocol to raise his rank.
: It appears no-one could resist using your protocol.
: Query: Do you not have enemies that you would desire eliminated, master? If my protocol still worked, would you not use it?
: I suppose I would, at that.
: Statement: See? I provide a function that is useful to others. They merely must learn to use it properly, I believe. At any rate, it seems that my Mandalorian owner finally decided to send me against Mandalore, himself.  My poorest performance, sadly.
: Oh? Why is that?
: Answer: I was captured by this Mandalore during the attempt. He was able to reverse my programming and send me after my own master. It was quite distressing. There was little I could do. Needless to say, I dispatched the Mandalorian soldier efficiently. Once I deactivated, I believe I eventually ended up on the black market and was sold to the Hutt on Sleheyron. *sigh* My darkest day.
: So you couldn’t kill Mandalore, hey?

That “hey” seems out of place. Should be “huh”.

: Statement: With all due respect, master, he *is* the leader of the Mandalorians. Perhaps my old master was foolish to send me after him.

And so ends the tale (for now) of HK-47, murderbot extraordinaire. This gets us another +2 to his dexterity, as well as improving his regeneration to 1 point every 3 seconds.

Let’s end this here or it will be awkward to end the next one mid-action.

[ATHATH]

That regeneration is really good for kiting, by the way. Trade a few blows, run around in circles for a bit until you heal back up enough, then rinse and repeat.

[Teneb]

That regeneration is really good for kiting, by the way. Trade a few blows, run around in circles for a bit until you heal back up enough, then rinse and repeat.

Yeah, the first time I played the game I was... well, I was really bad (as was my grasp of english), and only defeated Darth Bandon by kiting him with Canderous.

[BFEL]

That regeneration is really good for kiting, by the way. Trade a few blows, run around in circles for a bit until you heal back up enough, then rinse and repeat.

Yeah, the first time I played the game I was... well, I was really bad (as was my grasp of english), and only defeated Darth Bandon by kiting him with Canderous.

YOU'RE STILL REALLY BAD

I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN THOSE WASTED POINTS IN DEX

[Teneb]

That regeneration is really good for kiting, by the way. Trade a few blows, run around in circles for a bit until you heal back up enough, then rinse and repeat.

Yeah, the first time I played the game I was... well, I was really bad (as was my grasp of english), and only defeated Darth Bandon by kiting him with Canderous.

YOU'RE STILL REALLY BAD

I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN THOSE WASTED POINTS IN DEX

Nah, I'm just not doing a good build to screw around. If it makes you feel better, I plan to minmax like crazy in the eventual run of KotOR2.

[BFEL]

CONSULT ME WHEN YOU DO
I AM SO ERECT RIGHT NOW