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Author Topic: Murrican Politics Megathread 2016: There Will Be Hell Toupée  (Read 1580793 times)

mainiac

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Re: Murrican Politics Megathread 2016: There Will Be Hell Toupée
« Reply #16920 on: April 26, 2016, 10:03:04 pm »

This is entertaining, but you know all this non-canon stuff you're saying is non-canon, right?

P. sure Thrawn doesn't even exist.

I dont give a shit about what JJ Abrams thinks is non canon.  He just isn't very good at world building.
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« Last Edit: February 10, 1988, 03:27:23 pm by UR MOM »
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Aklyon

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Re: Murrican Politics Megathread 2016: There Will Be Hell Toupée
« Reply #16921 on: April 26, 2016, 10:03:23 pm »

This is entertaining, but you know all this non-canon stuff you're saying is non-canon, right?

P. sure Thrawn doesn't even exist.
Canon is about as reliable as stormtroopers recently. Clearly Thrawn is still there.
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It's known as the Oppai-Kaiju effect. The islands of Japan generate a sort anti-gravity field, which allows breasts to behave as if in microgravity. It's also what allows Godzilla and friends to become 50 stories tall, and lets ninjas run up the side of a skyscraper.

Strife26

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Re: Murrican Politics Megathread 2016: There Will Be Hell Toupée
« Reply #16922 on: April 26, 2016, 10:08:29 pm »

Star Wars is an extended metaphor for the American situation here, note.
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mainiac

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Re: Murrican Politics Megathread 2016: There Will Be Hell Toupée
« Reply #16923 on: April 26, 2016, 10:27:16 pm »

Canon is about as reliable as stormtroopers recently.

The best shot in the empire is Finn, the janitor.
The imperial stormtroopers on Tatooine, a backwater world were good enough shots to impress Obi-wan
A legion of the emperors best troops on Endor were horrible shots but did actually succeed in shooting Leia at one point and killing a few ewoks.
The 501st on the death star never hit anything

It's obvious that the correlation runs the exact opposite direction of what you would expect.  The more elite the troops, the worse their shooting.  I think the explanation is obvious, the empire is reading the marksmanship scores backwards.  Finn probably hit every target in his marksmanship test and was graded as the worst shot in the empire at 0%.  And doesn't that say a lot about Palpatine's leadership?  He has fostered such an ineffective government that they can get the scores completely backwards and no one fixes it?
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« Last Edit: February 10, 1988, 03:27:23 pm by UR MOM »
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Shadowlord

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Re: Murrican Politics Megathread 2016: There Will Be Hell Toupée
« Reply #16924 on: April 26, 2016, 10:32:28 pm »

Well, obviously Darth Plagueis reincarnated as Darth Jar Jar, who reincarnated as The (apparent) Big Bad in JJ Abrams' movies, who looks like Darth Plagueis because his apprentice Darth Sidious is very dead now so there's no further need for clever disguises. ;)

But I have no desire to read all 1522605027922533360535618378132637429718068114961380688657908494580122963258952897654000350692006139 star wars books, or even all of wookiepedia.

P.S. Episode-1 Darth Maul would have sliced everyone who wielded a lightsaber in The Force Awakens into ribbons. So would Episode-3 Obi-Wan... Lightsaber skills have really fallen far.

P.P.S. If the 501st were the troops Vader had harassing the players rescue party on the first Death Star, obviously they were ordered to miss, and to let them free the Princess, so that she would lead the Death Star straight to the rebel base.
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Frumple

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Re: Murrican Politics Megathread 2016: There Will Be Hell Toupée
« Reply #16925 on: April 26, 2016, 10:35:34 pm »

I rather imagine the notably more obvious conclusion is that the stormtrooper depictions available are generally as factual as my mother's left testicle :V

Y'do have to consider most of the available texts were written from a very one sided perspective. Fact bending here and there to make the enemy look incompetent is fairly standard as that goes...

Though SL's note on the 501st makes a lot of sense, hrm.
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mainiac

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Re: Murrican Politics Megathread 2016: There Will Be Hell Toupée
« Reply #16926 on: April 26, 2016, 10:38:20 pm »

The old, Obi Wan is a cheeky bastard theory of "only imperial stormtroopers"?  I used to like it but my new explanation is even more nerdy and thus even better.

P.P.S. If the 501st were the troops Vader had harassing the players rescue party on the first Death Star, obviously they were ordered to miss, and to let them free the Princess, so that she would lead the Death Star straight to the rebel base.

But imperials who couldn't possibly have been part of such a plan were just as inaccurate.
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Aklyon

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Re: Murrican Politics Megathread 2016: There Will Be Hell Toupée
« Reply #16927 on: April 26, 2016, 10:44:16 pm »

It couldbe general orders to look incompetent. Then they invade you and shoot accurately.
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It's known as the Oppai-Kaiju effect. The islands of Japan generate a sort anti-gravity field, which allows breasts to behave as if in microgravity. It's also what allows Godzilla and friends to become 50 stories tall, and lets ninjas run up the side of a skyscraper.

Shadowlord

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Re: Murrican Politics Megathread 2016: There Will Be Hell Toupée
« Reply #16928 on: April 26, 2016, 10:48:07 pm »

The other common explanation is that Luke was unintentionally making them miss with THE FORCE, even though I'd tend to expect him to have needed some practice to do anything like that (and nobody else ever does, unless Vader manipulates the path of Han's blaster shots when Han shoots at him in Episode V, before pulling the blaster out of his hand).

Not mentioning The Force Awakens, of course, where you have someone who can stop blaster bolts in midair but is still shit enough at lightsabers that a non-force-user can hold his own against him for a couple minutes (seeing as that's all action-y and I wasn't looking at the time, my time estimate could be wildly wrong).
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mainiac

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Re: Murrican Politics Megathread 2016: There Will Be Hell Toupée
« Reply #16929 on: April 26, 2016, 10:54:09 pm »

Does anyone want to do a vice president prediction contest?  I'm not sure what the rules would be like.
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« Last Edit: February 10, 1988, 03:27:23 pm by UR MOM »
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TheDarkStar

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Re: Murrican Politics Megathread 2016: There Will Be Hell Toupée
« Reply #16930 on: April 26, 2016, 11:01:31 pm »

Does anyone want to do a vice president prediction contest?  I'm not sure what the rules would be like.

1. Vice president predictions must be human (no, eldritch horrors do not count) and eligible for the office (so no predicting that a 2-year-old will be the VP).
2. 10 points for every day in advance that an actual VP (for any of the presidential nominees) is predicted before the official announcement.
3. -1 point for every day in advance that someone is falsely predicted.
4. You can make as many predictions as you want, but they will all be scored whether they are right or wrong.

Sound good?
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Re: Murrican Politics Megathread 2016: There Will Be Hell Toupée
« Reply #16931 on: April 26, 2016, 11:04:27 pm »

I rather imagine the notably more obvious conclusion is that the stormtrooper depictions available are generally as factual as my mother's left testicle :V

Y'do have to consider most of the available texts were written from a very one sided perspective. Fact bending here and there to make the enemy look incompetent is fairly standard as that goes...
This is still the best explanation, as far as I can see. The movies are entertaining, but definitely pro-rebel propaganda. WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW MORE?

Does anyone want to do a vice president prediction contest?  I'm not sure what the rules would be like.
Sure; I'd join in.
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mainiac

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Re: Murrican Politics Megathread 2016: There Will Be Hell Toupée
« Reply #16932 on: April 26, 2016, 11:06:45 pm »

My republican hunger games prediction rules were arcane but the way to play the game was straightforward, you just ranked them according to what you thought their staying power was.  This seems like the rules are straightforward but the way to play the game is arcane.

In many situations that's a plus.  I feel like it's not what we want here however.  Maybe people want that?
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Cruxador

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Re: Murrican Politics Megathread 2016: There Will Be Hell Toupée
« Reply #16933 on: April 26, 2016, 11:08:05 pm »

This is entertaining, but you know all this non-canon stuff you're saying is non-canon, right?

P. sure Thrawn doesn't even exist.

I dont give a shit about what JJ Abrams thinks is non canon.  He just isn't very good at world building.
The Expanded Universe ain't exactly Tolkien either.

Well, obviously Darth Plagueis reincarnated as Darth Jar Jar
I actually really like that theory that Jar Jar was originally going to be a major villain.
Does anyone want to do a vice president prediction contest?  I'm not sure what the rules would be like.
1. Vice president predictions must be human (no, eldritch horrors do not count) and eligible for the office (so no predicting that a 2-year-old will be the VP).
Cheney was a VP, mate.
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mainiac

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Re: Murrican Politics Megathread 2016: There Will Be Hell Toupée
« Reply #16934 on: April 26, 2016, 11:20:56 pm »

The other thing about a veep contest is that there are a lot of possible veep candidates this year.  Trump could pick almost anyone with a pulse because he is Trump.  Because of how non-traditional a Clintonvs Trump match up is, Clinton could be all over the place, anyone from Ralph "more pure then you" Nadar to Jim "killed a man" Webb.  So the rules might need to accommodate a strategy of "hey, here's 20 different names I want to get out there".
« Last Edit: April 26, 2016, 11:23:04 pm by mainiac »
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