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[Bumber]

https://www.headlinesmasher.com/

4 Offensive Words That Resemble Human Speech

So Let's Extend Wi-Fi to Your Brain Cells

FBI Expanding Its Hacking Probe Into a Musical Adaptation

Carl Sagan's Birthday! Time to Summon Toast Demons

Francis: The Church Is Not a Problem...Oh..wait Wtf?

3 People Have Been Destroyed

Chick-Fil-A Is Testing Missiles

BMW Threatens to Overwhelm Universe

Everything Coming to End, Reports Say Goodbye

Spoiler: Others (click to show/hide)

Police Probe if Wind Played Role in 9/11

Clinton Fury at Former Staff: "Those Assholes Stole Shit"

Science Might Give You Cancer

Exactly 0 Babies Died From Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation

CURT: The Story Behind Grandma Got Run Over by Three NYC Subway Tracks in Possible Hate Crime

Romney Has Done Something Bad

Pelosi Will cut Your Head Off and You Won't Even Know You're Making Nazi Dolls in the Freezer

Potato Island, One of the Century's Finest TV Dramas

RoboCop Wants to F#@k Vampires but Not So Quickly

Here's What Happens When Dragons Go to Jail

Are Those Model Buildings or a Vegan Cheese?

[Akura]

Should probably send that to whatever thread has the randomly-generated nonsense.

Son Eats Edibles With His Hands on Fire Again

A First Look at Boobs

Facebook to Invest $300 Million in Cocaine

Sh*t Just Got Even Worse

It's Almost Impossible to Function in Modern Society

Ex-NFLer Breaks Man's Face for Misspelling a Word

Put Your Dick in Your Carry-On

It's Not Easy Being Black Batman

Body of Toddler Trapped in a Very Stupid Girl

Pretty sure that last one was an alternate title for Juno.

EDIT: One more, because it deserves to be mentioned.

C'thulu and the King of Pop — and It Goes VERY BADLY (Watch)

[scourge728]

Are you telling me we taught A.I how to make clickbait?..... Oh God what have we done

[Kagus]

So, we use that title generator to give prompts to the GPT-2 text generator, and we'll have a fully-functioning news website that runs itself!

We could change the world with this! We'll be rich!

[Iduno]

Should probably send that to whatever thread has the randomly-generated nonsense.

The one over here?

[Kagus]

Should probably send that to whatever thread has the randomly-generated nonsense.

The one over here?

No, this one.

[Bumber]

Should probably send that to whatever thread has the randomly-generated nonsense.

The one over here?

No, this one.

What about here?

[bloop_bleep]

Should probably send that to whatever thread has the randomly-generated nonsense.

The one over here?

No, this one.

What about here?

I was gonna make a rickroll, but I see people have beaten me to it three times over. Shame.

[Dunamisdeos]

Should probably send that to whatever thread has the randomly-generated nonsense.

The one over here?

No, this one.

What about here?

Whoa hey now what the hey

Son Eats Edibles With His Hands on Fire Again.

[Reelya]

I came across a travel article in the mainstream press here:

Big thing I got wrong in Egypt

Selfies are always going to be high on the agenda in a bucket list destination like Egypt — but this traveller learnt the hard way, it pays to listen to your guide, too.

Ok, I'm thinking it'll be some sort of normal touristy bullshit, right? Wrong. Click the article and ...

“It was aliens, wasn’t it?” I was walking out of the Great Pyramid of Giza all sweaty (it’s hot there) and finally had my tour guide alone. I needed to know. Because like every other person who had never been to Egypt before, I believed.

My studies of Ancient Egypt began with drawing impressive pyramids in Grade 4 and later, crushing on Brendan Fraser in The Mummy. From this standpoint, I was certain: aliens were involved. How could they not be?

Because like every other person who had never been to Egypt before, I believed.

^ This line, especially

Dumbass journalist who believed aliens built the pyramids (no matter what scientists might say) is trying to rationalize it as "every other person who had never been to Egypt before" as believing that. But guess what, now she's been to Egypt, so she knows better than all you hopeless never-been-to-Egypt types about who built the goddamn pyramids. The Dunning-Kruger effect is especially resilient in this specimen of human.

[Eric Blank]

I expected, with a line like "but this traveller learnt the hard way, it pays to listen to your guide, too." this would for sure involve this journalist getting bitten by a camel, or camel spider. But no. How unfortunate.

[scriver]

Or being bitten by a camel spider in a camel mouth while bring bitten by the camel

[IcyTea31]

And the spider has a tick in its mouth that also gets in on the biting action?

[hector13]

I don’t think camels are Xenomorphs.

[scriver]

And the spider has a tick in its mouth that also gets in on the biting action?

And the mite in the tick