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[Egan_BW]

12 foot assimilation pole

A normal wooden pole with a heavily engraved metal head. Whenever the head is used to poke a magical trap, that trap is disarmed... by drawing the enchantment into the head. It is recommended that one does not touch the end of the pole after disarming a dungeon worth of traps, but it might make for a quite terrifying weapon.

[Sudurandom]

Football of football

This is a football(American style) that can only be used to play football(Soccer).

[Blood_Librarian]

The Mangled

A large, rusted broadsword, covered in a thin slime. when wielded by its grip, any blows dealt by its blade is instead done towards the user. the only way to properly wield this blade is to throw it at the enemy.

[Maximum Spin]

The Mangled

A large, rusted broadsword, covered in a thin slime. when wielded by its grip, any blows dealt by its blade is instead done towards the user. the only way to properly wield this blade is to throw it at the enemy.

or hold it by the blade

[Blood_Librarian]

Mordhauing a rusty sword covered in slime? bad idea.

[Egan_BW]

Should be fine if you've got good gloves. Thing can't be very sharp anyway.

[NAV]

Even if you cut yourself while mordhauing the cut will be transfered to your enemy.

[Helgoland]

Anti-Depressants: Pills that, when ingested, kill the ingester if and only if they are depressed.

[King Zultan]

Painkillers: Pills that when ingested, kill the ingested if and only if they are in pain of any kind, indistinguishable from ordinary painkillers.

[Derpy Dev]

Anti-Depressants: Pills that, when ingested, kill the ingester if and only if they are depressed.

Spoiler: Raise your hand if you thought of We Happy Few (click to show/hide)

[overseer05-15]

Depressants: pills that, when ingested, cause the ingestor to slowly sink into the ground.

[Helgoland]

Pressants: Instantly turn the ingester into an unwilling recruit for the nearest militia.

[wierd]

Pole of prole

An ordinary looking wooden pole. Literate people struck with it forget one written language per strike. Illiterate people struck with it forget one skill per strike. Can only be used by completely illiterate, no talent wastrels. (On them it only causes bruising.)

[KittyTac]

Suspicious Frisbee:

A frisbee that turns around and hits the thrower in the face when thrown, chasing them if necessary.

More Suspicious Frisbee:

Flies around the target it is thrown at.

Suspicious Bike:

A bike with a negative coefficient of friction. Ends up flying into space at the slightest disturbance, creating a curious anomaly.

Bag of Cats:

Is a portal to the Elemental Plane of Cats, where there are oceans of milk, vast fields of catnip, and mice.

ASCIIPuter:

A seemingly regular computer that outputs everything in an ASCII display.

[Maximum Spin]

ASCIIPuter:

A seemingly regular computer that outputs everything in an ASCII display.

uh

you know that was once the only kind of display computers had, right?

This is not so much a "bizarre magical item" as a "totally mundane obsolete item".