What is this "distance" my rockets keep flying into? Strut it together, make it a rocket, and follow kerbals.
[4] YOU THROW A STRUT AT THE HORIZON. IT LATCHES ON. [3] THE ROCKET IS TOO LONG. YOU WILL REQUIRE ADDITIONAL BOOSTERS IF YOU WANT TO GET MOONSIDE, BUT YOU'RE FOLLOWING THE KERBALS, GAINING AN ALTITUDE OF [5] 70 KILOMETERS.
Lift off in a generic manner that doesn't get recorded because it isn't interesting.
[2] THE ROCKET TURNS OUT TO BE AN OVERSIZED JUDGE DREDD VOICEBOARD. YOU SUCCESSFULLY PRESS THE RED "I AM THE LAW" BUTTON. THIS TURNS OUT TO BE VERY EXCITING, INTENSE AND SPECIAL. SEVERAL NEWS AGENCIES APPEAR IN HELICOPTERS AND REPORT ON THE SITUATION LIVE.
Fire upon the moon! then start reeling it in. recruit sharks to help pull it in
[4] YOU FIRE AT THE MOON! [1v3] THE MOON ORBITS OUT OF THE WAY, MOCKING YOUR AIM. [6] YOU RECRUIT THE SHARKS! THEY INTERPRET YOUR ORDERS AS EATING YOUR LEGS. THEY ARE SUCCESSFUL.
Go to Mars. Ask Martians to help me go to the moon.
[2] YOU FORGET HOW TO SPACE MOMENTARILY. [5] YOU ASK A LOCAL MARTIAN COSPLAYER FOR HELP. SHE DIRECTS YOU TO THAILAND. HUH.
Shoot the kerbals down !
[3v6] AS YOU FIRE AN ANTI-AIR MISSILE, A SPENT SOLID ROCKET BOOSTER [5v1] SLAPS YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE. THIS KILLS YOU. RESPAWN?
Hire russians, take over area 51
[1] THE RUSSIANS ARE GRAVELY INSULTED BY THE AMOUNT OF VODKA OFFERED. BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU. ALSO, YOU DIE. RESPAWN?
Go to Japan. Go to cosplay cafe. Ogle maids. Remember why came to Japan. Go back to ogling. Remember again. Go recruit whiny japanese kid and his giant spoilers kindamecha.
[2] YOU BLEW ALL THE CASH ON POCKY, DONKLORD. IT WAS STALE TOO. [4] UNFAZED, YOU PUT ON YOUR FINEST
HAT AND HEAD TO A COSPLAY CAFE. [2] MOTHER OF GOD THEY'RE ALL WEARING SLENDERMAN OUTFITS [4] YOU SIR WANTED TO GO TO SPACE. IT'S RIGHT IN THE OP AND WE'RE NOT EVEN PAST THREE PAGES [2] AND THE BARTENDER'S DOING HIS/HER BEST BRIDGET IMPRESSION AND SOMEONE'S HITTING ON HIM/HER OH MAN [5] WHOA LOOK AT THAT NERD FUCKING AROUND WITH SPIRALS AND SHIT. YOU GRAB HIM BY THE SHOULDER AND PULL HIM ALONG, BECAUSE FUCK YOU AND YOUR MOVIES.
Become taikonaut!
((This insight will prove valuable, and is sure to give me a massive boost over the competition.))
[3] THE CHINESE GLADLY TRAIN YOU IN THE ARTS OF SPACE. +15% SPACE TRAINING.
Alright, we got this. Pull a polar, we're going for a sling here.
[5] THE KERBALS REMAIN IN CONTROL OF THE CRAFT AS THEY SKILLFULLY TURN THEIR ORBIT INTO A POLAR ONE. [6v3] A PREVIOUSLY FIRED ROCKET HITS THEM STRAIGHT IN THE COCKPIT, DESTROYING IT! [3] THE KERBALS DON EVA SUITS AND SWITCH TO MANUAL CONTROL!
MOON: BEING A LEGENDARY+5 ORBITER
ORBITSIDE:
KERBALS: PROFESSIONAL ASTRONAUTS, KEEPING SHIPS TOGETHER BY FORCE OF WILL
SQUIDGEN: FLYING HORIZONS LIKE HE KNEW WHAT HE'S DOING
PLANETSIDE:
NIRUR TORIR: GETTING SHIT DONE, 15% SPACE TRAINED
LALASA: FAMOUS AS ALL HELL
LENGLON: ENJOYING EXERCISES IN LEGLESSNESS
DORSIDWARF: BEING THE AIR WARFARE HERO EARTH DESERVES
CHEESECAKE: QUESTIONING THE COSTUMEBEARER
PANCAEK: STEREOTYPICALLY INSULTING THE STEREOTYPE
SPINAL_TAPER: ABSOLUTELY NOT SUSPICIOUSLY SHOVING A KID OUT OF A CAFE
fuck these are starting to take long to write
eh i'm making it work i guess
p.s. i totally did not miss cheesecake's status right now thankfully nobody ever checks these