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[Dorsidwarf]

Shoot the kerbals down !

[Pancaek]

Hire russians, take over area 51

[Spinal_Taper]

Go to Japan. Go to cosplay cafe. Ogle maids. Remember why came to Japan. Go back to ogling. Remember again. Go recruit whiny japanese kid and his giant spoilers kindamecha.

[Nirur Torir]

Become taikonaut!

((This insight will prove valuable, and is sure to give me a massive boost over the competition.))

[LordSlowpoke]

TURN THE THIRD

What is this "distance" my rockets keep flying into? Strut it together, make it a rocket, and follow kerbals.

[4] YOU THROW A STRUT AT THE HORIZON. IT LATCHES ON. [3] THE ROCKET IS TOO LONG. YOU WILL REQUIRE ADDITIONAL BOOSTERS IF YOU WANT TO GET MOONSIDE, BUT YOU'RE FOLLOWING THE KERBALS, GAINING AN ALTITUDE OF [5] 70 KILOMETERS.

Lift off in a generic manner that doesn't get recorded because it isn't interesting.

[2] THE ROCKET TURNS OUT TO BE AN OVERSIZED JUDGE DREDD VOICEBOARD. YOU SUCCESSFULLY PRESS THE RED "I AM THE LAW" BUTTON. THIS TURNS OUT TO BE VERY EXCITING, INTENSE AND SPECIAL. SEVERAL NEWS AGENCIES APPEAR IN HELICOPTERS AND REPORT ON THE SITUATION LIVE.

Fire upon the moon! then start reeling it in. recruit sharks to help pull it in

[4] YOU FIRE AT THE MOON! [1v3] THE MOON ORBITS OUT OF THE WAY, MOCKING YOUR AIM. [6] YOU RECRUIT THE SHARKS! THEY INTERPRET YOUR ORDERS AS EATING YOUR LEGS. THEY ARE SUCCESSFUL.

Go to Mars. Ask Martians to help me go to the moon.

[2] YOU FORGET HOW TO SPACE MOMENTARILY. [5] YOU ASK A LOCAL MARTIAN COSPLAYER FOR HELP. SHE DIRECTS YOU TO THAILAND. HUH.

Shoot the kerbals down !

[3v6] AS YOU FIRE AN ANTI-AIR MISSILE, A SPENT SOLID ROCKET BOOSTER [5v1] SLAPS YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE. THIS KILLS YOU. RESPAWN?

Hire russians, take over area 51

[1] THE RUSSIANS ARE GRAVELY INSULTED BY THE AMOUNT OF VODKA OFFERED. BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU. ALSO, YOU DIE. RESPAWN?

Go to Japan. Go to cosplay cafe. Ogle maids. Remember why came to Japan. Go back to ogling. Remember again. Go recruit whiny japanese kid and his giant spoilers kindamecha.

[2] YOU BLEW ALL THE CASH ON POCKY, DONKLORD. IT WAS STALE TOO. [4] UNFAZED, YOU PUT ON YOUR FINEST HAT AND HEAD TO A COSPLAY CAFE. [2] MOTHER OF GOD THEY'RE ALL WEARING SLENDERMAN OUTFITS [4] YOU SIR WANTED TO GO TO SPACE. IT'S RIGHT IN THE OP AND WE'RE NOT EVEN PAST THREE PAGES [2] AND THE BARTENDER'S DOING HIS/HER BEST BRIDGET IMPRESSION AND SOMEONE'S HITTING ON HIM/HER OH MAN [5] WHOA LOOK AT THAT NERD FUCKING AROUND WITH SPIRALS AND SHIT. YOU GRAB HIM BY THE SHOULDER AND PULL HIM ALONG, BECAUSE FUCK YOU AND YOUR MOVIES.

Become taikonaut!

((This insight will prove valuable, and is sure to give me a massive boost over the competition.))

[3] THE CHINESE GLADLY TRAIN YOU IN THE ARTS OF SPACE. +15% SPACE TRAINING.

Alright, we got this. Pull a polar, we're going for a sling here.

[5] THE KERBALS REMAIN IN CONTROL OF THE CRAFT AS THEY SKILLFULLY TURN THEIR ORBIT INTO A POLAR ONE. [6v3] A PREVIOUSLY FIRED ROCKET HITS THEM STRAIGHT IN THE COCKPIT, DESTROYING IT! [3] THE KERBALS DON EVA SUITS AND SWITCH TO MANUAL CONTROL!

Spoiler: STATUS (click to show/hide)

MOON: BEING A LEGENDARY+5 ORBITER

ORBITSIDE:

KERBALS: PROFESSIONAL ASTRONAUTS, KEEPING SHIPS TOGETHER BY FORCE OF WILL
SQUIDGEN: FLYING HORIZONS LIKE HE KNEW WHAT HE'S DOING

PLANETSIDE:

NIRUR TORIR: GETTING SHIT DONE, 15% SPACE TRAINED
LALASA: FAMOUS AS ALL HELL
LENGLON: ENJOYING EXERCISES IN LEGLESSNESS
DORSIDWARF: BEING THE AIR WARFARE HERO EARTH DESERVES
CHEESECAKE: QUESTIONING THE COSTUMEBEARER
PANCAEK: STEREOTYPICALLY INSULTING THE STEREOTYPE
SPINAL_TAPER: ABSOLUTELY NOT SUSPICIOUSLY SHOVING A KID OUT OF A CAFE

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

fuck these are starting to take long to write
eh i'm making it work i guess

p.s. i totally did not miss cheesecake's status right now thankfully nobody ever checks these

[Cheesecake]

Use synapse to mesh all Martians together to make a bioship to get to the Orion system. Ask for help to get to the moon.

[Lalasa]

Take advantage of my new found popularity to gather funds for building an even better rocket ship with new minions.

[Pancaek]

respawn, acquire all of the vodka, buy out all of russia

[Nirur Torir]

First step down, now for the second step of fulfilling my super special unique check-list for beating this.

Search CHINESE Ebay for a method of leaving the atmosphere.

[squidgen]

Using struts, strut myself to the kerbal rocket, and fix it with struts! Struts are the new duct tape

[Lenglon]

Fire at the moon again! warn the sharks that they'll be fired if they eat part of me again! have the sharks help reel the moon in!

[Persus13]

Use shrinkray to shrink the moon in a way that is so totally not based on Despicable Me.

[Spinal_Taper]

Go recruit the other whiny japanese teenager with a kinda mecha.

[LordSlowpoke]

TURN THE FOURTH

Use synapse to mesh all Martians together to make a bioship to get to the Orion system. Ask for help to get to the moon.

[4] YOU MESH A GRAND TOTAL OF FIVE MARTIANS TOGETHER. HARD TO FIND THEM ON EARTH YOU KNOW. [4] AFTER ENGAGING WARP DRIVE, YOU WILL ARRIVE IN THE MEISSA SYSTEM IN [4] 2 TURNS.

Take advantage of my new found popularity to gather funds for building an even better rocket ship with new minions.

[5] YOUR KICKSTARTER IS WILDLY SUCCESSFUL. YOU EARN 6 TRILLION RUBLES AND A FUTON. [3] YOUR NEW MINIONS SLEEP ON THE JOB, BUT A ROCKETSHIP IS COMPLETED.

respawn, acquire all of the vodka, buy out all of russia

[1] YOU ACQUIRE ALL OF THE VODKA. IT HAS BEEN SUCCESSFULLY BOOTLEGGED AND CONTAINS GRATUITOUS AMOUNTS OF METHANOL. YOU TASTE IT AND GET RUN OVER BY A PASSING STAMPEDE OF RHINOS. ALSO, YOU DIE. RESPAWN?

First step down, now for the second step of fulfilling my super special unique check-list for beating this.

Search CHINESE Ebay for a method of leaving the atmosphere.

[2] THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A CHINESE EBAY. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING.

Using struts, strut myself to the kerbal rocket, and fix it with struts! Struts are the new duct tape

[2] THE KERBALS ARE TOO FAR AWAY!

Fire at the moon again! warn the sharks that they'll be fired if they eat part of me again! have the sharks help reel the moon in!

[5] THE MOON IS ONCE MORE UNDER THE HARPOON'S ASSAULT. [5v2] THE HARPOON STRIKES THE MOON IN THE REGOLITH, BRUISING IT! [4] IT LODGES IN THE WOUND SECURELY! [1] THE SHARKS WILL HAVE NONE OF THIS NONSENSE. THEY REBEL AND EAT YOU WHOLE. THIS KILLS YOU. RESPAWN?

Use shrinkray to shrink the moon in a way that is so totally not based on Despicable Me.

[4] A SHRINKRAY IS PRODUCED! IT FIRES! [6v4] CRITICAL HIT! THE MOON IS SHRUNK! [5] IT IS NOW THE SIZE OF PLUTO! IT BEGINS TO SPIN WILDLY!

Go recruit the other whiny japanese teenager with a kinda mecha.

[6] YOU RECRUIT ALL THE TEENAGERS! THEY DUMP YOUR MECHAS ON TOP OF YOU! YOU ARE CURRENTLY CRUSHED! THIS IS GENERALLY UNPLEASANT.

NOT DIE HORRIBLY

[4] YOU STABILIZE THE SHIP USING GINORMOUS AMOUNTS OF SPARE STRUTS.

[6] MEANWHILE, AT NASA...
-EY JAMES DID YOU LOOK AT THE MOON RECENTLY
-NO WHAT THE FUCK'S WRONG WITH IT AGAIN
-I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA IT'S SPINNING AND SHIT
-DID YOU TRY TURNING IT OFF AND ON AGAIN
-FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DOES ANYONE REPLACE BATTERIES AROUND HERE
-WHAT IS THE REMOTE FUCKED
-WHERE IS IT EVEN
-FUCK IT GET THE STRUTS WE'RE GOING MOONSIDE

NASA ENTERS THE MOON RACE!

Spoiler: STATUS (click to show/hide)

MOONSIDE:

MOON: RIDIN' SPINNAZ
NASA ROVER: DUSTING OFF THE WHAT THE CHRIST CIRCUITS

WARPSIDE:

CHEESECAKE: BIOSHIPPING IN ALL SENSES OF THE WORD

ORBITSIDE:

KERBALS: STABILIZING THE EXPLODED
SQUIDGEN: ENJOYING DISTANCE

PLANETSIDE:

NIRUR TORIR: SEARCHING FOR THE NONEXISTENT
LALASA: SWIMMING IN DOSH
LENGLON: TRUSTING NO-ONE
DORSIDWARF: BEING THE FIRST TO ACTUALLY IMPEDE ANYTHING
PANCAEK: EMANCIPATING RHINO RIGHTS
SPINAL_TAPER: DROWNING IN MECHA
PERSUS13: DESTROYING ASTRONOMICAL BALANCES ONE MOON AT A TIME
NASA: FUCKING AROUND LOOKING FOR MOON REMOTE CONTROLS

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

i suddenly realized i have a plethora of moon songs just chilling there waiting for the occasion
meta info: warpside is considered planetside for all intents and purposes

[Cheesecake]

Full speed ahead!