Bay 12 Games Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  
Pages: 1 ... 96 97 [98] 99 100 ... 244

Author Topic: The Forgotten Art: Approaching the Nexus  (Read 270991 times)

Harry Baldman

  • Bay Watcher
  • What do I care for your suffering?
    • View Profile
Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1455 on: May 01, 2014, 01:13:15 pm »

"Er, is that you, God?"

Halesey whispers this, keen not to be seen talking to himself in public, at first.

"You know, I wanted to embrace the potato, even before I knew it led to heaven... I want to, but I have a date this evening with a really nice girl, the kind you'd be pleased to take home to meet your mother, and chances like the love of your life don't come along often, you know? What I guess I'm trying to say, God, is that if I open the gate to heaven, will I be able to get back in time for dinner?"

"Yes! It is likely!"
Logged

The Froggy Ninja

  • Bay Watcher
  • Crying on the floor due to losing my entire hoard.
    • View Profile
Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1456 on: May 01, 2014, 02:08:59 pm »

MOAR SPELLS!

lawastooshort

  • Bay Watcher
  • goodness what
    • View Profile
Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1457 on: May 01, 2014, 03:37:48 pm »

"Er. Okay then. I guess you're the boss. But if you can help me get back in a decent state in time for my date I'd appreciate it, okay?"

Order another beer, neck it, and order some peanuts or something for strength, and eat them.

"Here goes..."

Head to the bathroom and find an empty cubicle. Enter and close the door. Stand on the toilet and cast Potato Vortex at the ground.
Logged

Toaster

  • Bay Watcher
  • Appliance
    • View Profile
Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1458 on: May 01, 2014, 03:56:00 pm »

Larry stares at the man with a frown on his face.  Not what he had in mind.  "Yeah, I see him.  But who is he?"
Logged
HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

Harry Baldman

  • Bay Watcher
  • What do I care for your suffering?
    • View Profile
Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1459 on: May 01, 2014, 05:18:28 pm »

Larry stares at the man with a frown on his face.  Not what he had in mind.  "Yeah, I see him.  But who is he?"

Sherry merely shrugs, looking perplexed.

"I'm Tom, actually. I believe I said as much, yes? And I'll refrain from saying more. It'll just raise further questions. Can't you people just move on? There is another bedroom, you know."

Sherry looks back at you doubtfully.
Logged

Parisbre56

  • Bay Watcher
  • I can haz skullz?
    • View Profile
    • parisbre56 Discord
Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1460 on: May 01, 2014, 05:27:06 pm »

"Hahaha!" Eta joined her friend in laughing, both because she was feeling happy for her happiness and because she just did something awesome.
"Look at this thing! It's huge! And made of animals! Extinct animals! And I caused this to happen! Isn't that awesome?"

Is there anything to indicate the pillar is explosive other than the stickers?
Do they move or do they retain their pillary form?

Harry Baldman

  • Bay Watcher
  • What do I care for your suffering?
    • View Profile
Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1461 on: May 01, 2014, 05:35:41 pm »

"Hahaha!" Eta joined her friend in laughing, both because she was feeling happy for her happiness and because she just did something awesome.
"Look at this thing! It's huge! And made of animals! Extinct animals! And I caused this to happen! Isn't that awesome?"

"It is! It's the greatest thing I've ever seen!"

Is there anything to indicate the pillar is explosive other than the stickers?
Do they move or do they retain their pillary form?


Nothing other than the stickers, though you guess you probably shouldn't try to test their explosiveness with an open flame anyway. Furthermore, they seem to be keeping the shape up without much effort, and being awfully stoic about it, no less.
Logged

Parisbre56

  • Bay Watcher
  • I can haz skullz?
    • View Profile
    • parisbre56 Discord
Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1462 on: May 01, 2014, 07:44:44 pm »

((It's so tempting to just throw a lit match on it to see what happens...))

"Oh!" Eta took a deep breath and tried to stifle another fit of laughter.
This must be how people start going crazy with power. Laughing maniacally in the middle of the street.
"Now come on, let's get out of here before someone shows up and starts asking questions, OK?"
I guess I better do something about that pillar too. Someone might get hurt.

Find a nearby payphone. Call 000/112/911/whatever emergency number there is around here that could probably handle a pillar of explosive animals.
Eta put her coat in front of the microphone and altered her voice to make it sound more deep and male.
"Yes, hello? This is The Anti Conservation Coalition International for the Destruction of Extinct and Nonexistent Taxa. We have placed explosives inside a number of extinct marsupials, covered them with gunpowder and left them near this location. Don't worry, you can't miss them. Evacuate the area now and take care of this affront to reality or any damage will be on your hands.
We demand that the government takes action to remove all extinct species from this world and return it to its normalcy. We will not tolerate the existence of Dinosaurs, Mammoths, Thylacines, Dodos, Mascarene Coots or any other extinct animals. We demand that the government ensures that every citizen can live a normal life without having to worry about the distortion of reality.
This was a warning. If our demands are not met, next time, we will detonate them. That is all."

Perhaps a bit too over the top. Hopefully that should scare them into action.
Then get away from here.

Toaster

  • Bay Watcher
  • Appliance
    • View Profile
Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1463 on: May 02, 2014, 07:57:44 am »

Larry opens his mouth to make another asshole comment, then closes it in a rare moment of restraint.  "You know what?  After the day I've had, this isn't even top five strangest things today.  Screw it, let's just go, okay?"
Logged
HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

Nunzillor

  • Guest
Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1464 on: May 02, 2014, 08:59:14 pm »

How can you resist tossing a match in that thing?  That's impressive-- I don't think I'd be able to just walk away.  I mean, damn.  It's right there!  Good for you, I guess is what I'm trying to say.  Impressive restraint, yes.  Commendable, even.

Edit:  What about a rock?  I don't mean to make unsolicited suggestions, but a measly little rock couldn't hurt, right?  Just an observation really, not a suggestion by any means.  A tiny pebble?  Of course it wouldn't.  And if it did... well, whose fault would that really be?  So unreasonable to think that a little pebble would hurt.
« Last Edit: May 02, 2014, 09:16:55 pm by Nunzillor »
Logged

Harry Baldman

  • Bay Watcher
  • What do I care for your suffering?
    • View Profile
Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1465 on: May 03, 2014, 03:17:22 am »

John, after exchanging contact information with the two kids like a responsible adult, walks off into the night, returning to his apartment after a brisk walk and collapsing on his couch, for a moment forgetting if he locked or even closed the door behind him. As his ass begins to touch the couch cushion, his hand is already on the remote, turning on the TV and switching to the only kind of quality news he can get at this hour - Mortadello's Post-Midnight Journalistic Jamboree. As the cowboy hat-wearing, gravely mustached visage of Mortadello, standing with his hands placed behind his back, a crude green screen with even more low-quality captured footage of Mills High the only background one can see, appears on his TV, he is soothed.

"- so the siege continues. My sources tell me that several large, hairy varmints were spotted leaving the ruins - could these be our terrorists? Could the events of the past few days be only part of a larger plot by the dark, hairy underbelly of the city to destabilize the virtues of our great country? If so, the worst is only yet to come, my friends, the worst is yet to come. If you think about it, it makes sense - a bomb threat, a seemingly unrelated school bombing, a low-angle reverse meteorite in the business district, all on the same evening. If we could say that the dinosaurs and the shampoo were acts of God and not get much opposition, this reeks of malicious intent! Always keep an eye and an ear out - whatever's out there, it's saying that it's on now. Keep your cameras ready, people, and make sure to document anything unusual - only way we're getting through this is if we knuckle down, find out who's doing this, and stop 'em," Mortadello says, looking quite serious. A phone number appears on the screen in white, bold letters. "If you see anything at all, my friends, do not hesitate to call our emergency hotline, and we'll do our best to get to the bottom of what's happening - that's a Mortadello guarantee, you hear?"

* * * * *

As Dave drifts through the barren reaches of the salty denture dimension, he decides to light a match.

[Dave's mind roll: 5+2]

Despite the slight disturbances that the dentures create, Dave manages to light the match and stare into it for long enough to be carried off to a better place, which in this case seems to be the city, except A) slightly futuristic and B) blasted to hell and back. As lightning crashes all around him, Dave has one immediate concern - not getting hit by lightning. To this end, he pops into a nearby ruined car, glad at his immense cleverness as lightning repeatedly strikes the car, yet leaves him unharmed. A few moments pass before Dave becomes aware that somebody else has evidently had the same idea, namely the terrible, many-limbed creature in the back of the car. Dave is about to bid it hello, but it seems to have taken offense at his invasion of its personal property, and punches him in the face so hard that he blacks out, heavenly stars of magical power swimming around his head as he awakens in the salty denture dimension.

Spoiler: Dave's Spell Choices (click to show/hide)

* * * * *

Halesey decides to give God absolutely no backtalk and orders a beer and some peanuts, finishing both in record time and, now rich in protein and sufficiently relaxed for long-distance travel, walks into the men's bathroom, hiding himself in an empty cubicle and standing on a toilet in preparation for the serious shit that is about to go down. Pointing his hand at the floor, he calls upon the power of the potato once more!

[Halesey's affinity roll: 5+1]

Through Halesey's relaxed, pliable form the power flows as power tends to do, which is to say very powerfully, and a vortex begins to form on the floor of the cubicle, the thundering intensifying as it expands beyond the confines of the small enclosure and spreads to the floor of the rest of the bathroom as well, the potatoes shuffling restlessly as the suction of the vortex pulls the cubicle door open. Something seems different about the vortex this time, Halesey realizes. This time it's not quite a homogenous mixture of potatoes - Halesey is fairly sure he can see something else in there as well. A tunnel of sorts. It's difficult to say more, since his viewing angle is hardly optimal, but still, a tunnel is definitely there.

"Descend, Halesey! Journey to the center of my domain!" the voice, coming across much clearer than before, tells him. "Dive into the gate!"

* * * * *

Eta, catching herself going slightly mad with power while regarding the thylacine pillar, decides that maybe it's best not to stick around for too long, turning to Lois.

"Now come on, let's get out of here before someone shows up and starts asking questions, OK?"

"Righto," says Lois, still unable to stop laughing as Eta walks over to a nearby payphone with her. As Eta dials 911, Lois clamps her hands over her mouth and steps away for a few moments, although the sight of Eta trying to sound like a terrorist seems to be testing the very limits of her self-control.

"Yes, hello? This is The Anti Conservation Coalition International for the Destruction of Extinct and Nonexistent Taxa," Eta tells the person who picks up on the other end, putting on a not overly convincing impression of a baritone bandit. "We have placed explosives inside a number of extinct marsupials, covered them with gunpowder and left them near this location. Don't worry, you can't miss them. Evacuate the area now and take care of this affront to reality or any damage will be on your hands. We demand that the government takes action to remove all extinct species from this world and return it to its normalcy. We will not tolerate the existence of Dinosaurs, Mammoths, Thylacines, Dodos, Mascarene Coots or any other extinct animals. We demand that the government ensures that every citizen can live a normal life without having to worry about the distortion of reality. This was a warning. If our demands are not met, next time, we will detonate them. That is all," she continues, and can hear the dispatcher emit a sound somewhere between a "What?" and a gasp before she hangs up and runs off with Lois, getting well clear of the general neighborhood of the pillar.

"Hopefully they've got experience at this sort of thing, huh?" Lois says when they finally stop, then bursts into laughter once again.

* * * * *

Larry, though sorely tempted to do otherwise, decides not to comment on this situation.

"You know what?  After the day I've had, this isn't even top five strangest things today.  Screw it, let's just go, okay?"

"Good man," Tom says, returning to his newspaper. Sherry glances at him again uncertainly, then looks back at Larry.

"Well... okay, let's go," she finally says, walking over to a nearby door and, finding it to be the bathroom, briefly glances about for other doors, then goes in anyway, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub (which looks like an upended egg chair in many ways) for a moment before deciding that she'd rather lie inside it instead, curling up into a fetal position and sighing softly.
Logged

lawastooshort

  • Bay Watcher
  • goodness what
    • View Profile
Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1466 on: May 03, 2014, 04:26:15 am »

"Sure thing, God!"

Dive headfirst into the vortex!
Logged

Parisbre56

  • Bay Watcher
  • I can haz skullz?
    • View Profile
    • parisbre56 Discord
Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1467 on: May 03, 2014, 07:18:35 am »

How can you resist tossing a match in that thing?  That's impressive-- I don't think I'd be able to just walk away.  I mean, damn.  It's right there!  Good for you, I guess is what I'm trying to say.  Impressive restraint, yes.  Commendable, even.

Edit:  What about a rock?  I don't mean to make unsolicited suggestions, but a measly little rock couldn't hurt, right?  Just an observation really, not a suggestion by any means.  A tiny pebble?  Of course it wouldn't.  And if it did... well, whose fault would that really be?  So unreasonable to think that a little pebble would hurt.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Hopefully they've got experience at this sort of thing, huh?" Lois says when they finally stop, then bursts into laughter once again.
"Yes." said Eta in between bursts of giggling. "I can just picture that so clearly now."
She tried to calm herself, look serious and make her best imitation of a stereotypical general's voice.
"Men, today you will be trained in the handling of Thylacines. And I tell you, it's a damn difficult job. It will seriously test your mettle."
"For you never know how many explosives those damn marsupials have hidden in their pouches."
she added, shaking her fist, before breaking into laughter once more.
"Oh, that was fun. Haven't had that much fun in ages. This is turning out to be a better night than I ever expected."
Which reminds me, I still got some holes in my house. I guess I should better head back, try to patch the damage up somehow. Need to catch some Zs anyway. And I guess I could experiment with some canned goods before sleeping. Wonder if Lois wants to come with? She doesn't have a home, does she?
"Say, Lois, I'm getting kinda tired. You're in the mood for anything else or do you want to come sleep at my place?"

Spoiler: Char Sheet (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: May 03, 2014, 07:24:57 am by Parisbre56 »
Logged

Harry Baldman

  • Bay Watcher
  • What do I care for your suffering?
    • View Profile
Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1468 on: May 03, 2014, 07:30:08 am »

"Say, Lois, I'm getting kinda tired. You're in the mood for anything else or do you want to come sleep at my place?"

"Well, can't really think of anything better to do. Lead the way!"
Logged

Parisbre56

  • Bay Watcher
  • I can haz skullz?
    • View Profile
    • parisbre56 Discord
Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1469 on: May 03, 2014, 08:57:17 am »

"Great! Let's go!"

Go home.

If all's well when I get there, inspect damage to home while showing Lois around. Could I temporarily close the holes with a few pieces from cardboard boxes and tape?
Also see if I've got any food, especially canned goods. Offer some to Lois.


"Well, here we are. Sorry about its less than stellar state. A wizard threw a meteor through it earlier today."
Pages: 1 ... 96 97 [98] 99 100 ... 244