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[lawastooshort]

Awesome! Sheet updated to reflect potentially cleaner trousers.

"Er. You bastard, dude. That was the high point of my day, man, and you just ruined it. He wasn't even wearing 'em anymore anyway. Let's go, man! Let's sell some porn!"

Do the above! Wander the streets again looking for a buyer. Approach first person we see who isn't a cop. If we happen to see criminals, potato vortext them!

Spoiler: Halesey the Fiendish Potato Mage (click to show/hide)

Current Name: Halesey
Inventory: Magic Binder, mobile phone, clothes (slightly too small trousers, hoodie, white tshirt, white trainers). Loose change. Half pack of chewing gum. Some alcoholic beans.
Stats:

• Body: 1
• Finesse: 2
• Mind: 3
• Affinity: 1

Spell List:

• Potato Vortex
• Wall of Pigeons
• Bolt of Indestructible Beans
• Stupid Desk Shield
• Musical Garbage Blast
• Hairy Mafioso Barrier

[Toaster]

"Just watch out for stains, bro."

Assist!  Except use my mushroom-based vortex!

[Harry Baldman]

Larry decides to burst the bubble of happiness Halesey's got swelling for him with his new pants and whatnot.

"Dude, you don't know what he's done in those."

Halesey doesn't feel quite as good anymore, it goes without saying.

"Er. You bastard, dude. That was the high point of my day, man, and you just ruined it. He wasn't even wearing 'em anymore anyway. Let's go, man! Let's sell some porn!"

"Just watch out for stains, bro."

They head out immediately, porn in hand, looking for people who seem like prospective buyers and who also don't look like cops. Fortunately, one such individual, a smoking woman slowly approaching middle age and sporting a bright red mohawk as well wearing an awful lot of leather, seems to be sitting at a nice, secluded bus stop, probably waiting for a bus that may or may not be coming. Halesey and Larry approach her, hoping that she might want some of their product or at least knows some people who might. As they shuffle closer, the woman raises her eyes. She looks a little drunk.

"What do you guys want?" she asks after a moment of silence.

[Toaster]

_{"You ask her- I almost went to jail over something like this."}

[lawastooshort]

"Er, we're just regular honest door to door adult literature salesmen, ma'am, and we wondered whether you might like some? Adult literature. To purchase. We offer very affordable rates and everything. Peruse before you d- er buy, and all that."

[Harry Baldman]

"Er, we're just regular honest door to door adult literature salesmen, ma'am, and we wondered whether you might like some? Adult literature. To purchase. We offer very affordable rates and everything. Peruse before you d- er buy, and all that."

"What kind of adult literature are we talking here? Show me."

[lawastooshort]

Pick a magazine at random and show her the centrefold. Unstaple it if necessary.

[Pancaek]

"Well, enough putting off the inevitable, I suppose. I'm going to have a word with Trey and Luz, if I can find them."

Go find Trey and Luz, hope they aren't 'busy'

[Harry Baldman]

While Larry stands aside, Halesey prefers to let his product speak for itself, producing a magazine from the bag and going for the centerfold, which turns out to also be stapled and covered in warnings. He brandishes it at the woman, unstapling it with a mighty rip.

The lady, to put it mildly, does not see it coming, and she is immediately incinerated very much like the man before, leaving a hot, molten depression in the bus stop seat and a pile of ash. This time, though, Halesey is ready, and draws his hand back from the fiery scene of destruction, which results in the magazine coming out of the ordeal completely unharmed. It seems to actually be the exact same magazine as before, too!

* * * * *

John decides that he'll go see those two crazy kids, find out what they're up to - he hopes that it's nothing too serious. However, as he searches the second floor of the house, he finds nobody in plain sight, though there is a locked door up there. John wonders how subtle he should be trying to be here.

[lawastooshort]

"Holy shit. Let's get out of here too. Bet she didn't see that coming, so to speak."

Casually flee. Carefully fold away the destructoporn for quick draw access in case of emergency. Consider options. Observe potential buyers in new location.

"Er. I hope that pigeondevil didn't get too much of that particular issue. Crap. As long as we don't look at this stuff the options are endless... Or get caught porncinerating innocents. Crappants."

Edit: spelling.

[Toaster]

"You fucking dumbass!  Why'd you centerfold someone else?!"

He pants as he runs from this scene as well.  He doesn't like running.

"Hell, it might better if that demon thing does get incinerated.  Unless he wants to buy more."

GTFO.  Assess.


((Har har.  You just can't resist casual arson, can you?

EDIT:  Also this is relevant.  (Despite the name, content is work safe) ))

[Nunzillor]

Casual arson?  More like casual murder.  Jesus Christ guys...

[lawastooshort]

"I thought it'd be a different one, man! How's I to know you spumed up a thousand copies of the same double page deathcrotch?! We'll be lucky if the pawn shop isn't burnt down next time we wanna stock up..."

((totally thought your action was "asses"))

[Pancaek]

Yes, I can't scare them, I have to be real tactful about this.

"HEY KIDS, ARE YOU IN THERE, WE NEED TO TALK, MISTER LEE SEND ME"

slam fist on door, shout the above

[Toaster]

"I thought it'd be a different one, man! How's I to know you spumed up a thousand copies of the same double page deathcrotch?! We'll be lucky if the pawn shop isn't burnt down next time we wanna stock up..."

"Why don't you look yourself next time?"