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[Sheb]

Ok, so finally watching. WTF are the sons of the harpy doing cassualy murdering civilians in front of the gates? Also, this whole naval siege thing is really retarded.

[Comrade P.]

Just... wow. Thanks for the spoiler, there.

Well maybe if you were binge-watching instead of hanging around GoT thread you wouldn't get anything spoilered, duh.

For internet is weird and full of spoilers.[/blamingthevictim][/joke]

[Sheb]

Stupid battle. Why can't Rickon Zig-Zag? Why can't anyone wear a bloody helmet?

[Mephansteras]

Stupid battle. Why can't Rickon Zig-Zag? Why can't anyone wear a bloody helmet?

Rickon is probably panicking and suffering from mistreatment. I doubt he's thinking that clearly.

The helmets is a standard stupid hollywood thing. You have to be able to see the star's faces, so they don't wear helmets.

[Sheb]

Also, how do you get yourself surrounded by a phalanx like that? I mean, you could replace Jon Snow by a potato and get a more effective commander here.

And what with the Valemen walking a thousand km through the North unnoticed? What about Moat Cailin? Fuck this show, this is just dumb.

[Xantalos]

Also, how do you get yourself surrounded by a phalanx like that? I mean, you could replace Jon Snow by a potato and get a more effective commander here.

Jon forgot to actually command anything and left everything to Davos who hasn't actually commanded anything in his life, just advised Stannis on morality.

[Sheb]

Seriously though, how did you guess everything LW? Like the Bolton fighting in phalanx?

[Sheb]

Welp, finished the episode. The ability of this show to disappoint me will never disappoint me.

[zombat]

Are the boltons known for fighting with shield walls and pointy stabby sticks?


And that battle was god awful, Jon charges head first at their line like a simpleton so the rest of his army has to give up their dug in position (their only hope against a numerically superior Bolton force) to charge after zombie Jesus and get caught entirely in a horse shoe shield wall then arse fucked by the Karstarks (or was it the Umbras?).

They would've been crushed entirely if Sansa hadn't seemingly stormed off in a tissy after her "Females have opinions too! Nothing useful, but I still have one and I want everyone to hear it!" moment and somehow travelled all the way to the Vale to get Creepy Uncle to muster his entire cavalry force in one night then marched them all the way back up to Winterfell.

And you know how the retaking of Winterfell should've ended?
Ramsey going "So hey, hows about that honorable duel" and Jon replying with one word: "Loose", as Ramsey's smug face turns into a human fucking pincushion.


---------------------
Btw, did anyone else think Mary-Sue and Yara were going to drop down and start scissoring right there on the floor?

[Sheb]

That would have been a much more satisfying duel, I agree.

And to be fair, the Vale horsemen did set out a while ago. They just had to teleport past most chailin, walk across hundred of km of North without anyone noticing, and then arrive just behind the Bolton army without anyone noticing it either (Seriously, don't anyone have sentries looking anywhere?)

I think one thing I hate in there is that the good guy do nothing to deserve their victory. I'd love to see Jon and Sansa defeat incredible odds to regain Winterfell with diplomacy and cunning. Instead, we have Jon acting so retarded that having all his men sit down and drop their weapons would have been a better battle plan, Sansa and Jon unable to convince even a single Northern Lord from joining them (It's Dave that convince Tiny Mormont), and all being saved by a stupid Deux Ex Machina.

Same for Daeny, who basically just wins everything because magic and bad writing.

I mean, if we're doing things this way, why not have everyone decide to invite Dany to rule Westeros, have all the White Walkers die choking on pretzels and call it an end by the next episode?

[Loud Whispers]

Seriously though, how did you guess everything LW? Like the Bolton fighting in phalanx?

D&D were doing the Battle of Cannae as run through a Total War cgi generator

Ramsay is the Carthaginian force, with superior cavalry (in numbers and quality), infantry, and has forced the Stark army into battle by controlling the vital supply centre of Winterfell. The Starks know Ramsay is a tricksy bastard but also know they can only do the best with what they have, so they choose to engage in battle on the open field where they can see all of Ramsay's deployed soldiers, just as Varro knew Hannibal was a tricksy bastard and did the same. Whether Ramsay knew how the wildlings fought or not, he gambled on getting Jon to charge and getting the wildlings to charge in with them - which Sansa cautions him on, and Jon falls for the cunning ruse. His troops rush forward and attempt to overwhelm the Boltons, who just pepper them with arrows, and once they've overextended just encircle them and begin stabbinating, much like the Carthaginian slingers and line infantry did to the Romans.
Basically spot the similarities

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Btw, did anyone else think Mary-Sue and Yara were going to drop down and start scissoring right there on the floor?

This is how you corner the shipping market on tumblr
Tbh I thought it was kinda nice that Danaerys got some character depth, though Theon is even more disappointing than usual lol. Only scenes I thought were worth watching were BOB, Stavos's discovery and... Yeah there wasn't much. I did find it funny when Jon was explaining his battle plans you got insight into how D&D view their audience.

• Those who read all are pompous bastards who understand military envelopment (Jon Snow, literate since birth).
• Those who just started reading were chill but are beginning to get more grumpy, they understand pincer movements (Stavos Seaworth, only just learned literacy).
• Those who don't read at all have to be explained to like children and only understand not being hit from the sides (Tormund Bearbane, totally illiterate).

We tumblr demographics naow

That would have been a much more satisfying duel, I agree.
And to be fair, the Vale horsemen did set out a while ago. They just had to teleport past most chailin, walk across hundred of km of North without anyone noticing, and then arrive just behind the Bolton army without anyone noticing it either (Seriously, don't anyone have sentries looking anywhere?)

"JL: You just allowed 8,000 men to approach unchallenged.
B: Good thing we're friends or we'd be fucking you in the ass right now."
Moat Cailin means nothing to D&D and sentries have fallen out of use since they became obsolete to teleporters and plot armour
Other than that, dunno lol

I think one thing I hate in there is that the good guy do nothing to deserve their victory. I'd love to see Jon and Sansa defeat incredible odds to regain Winterfell with diplomacy and cunning. Instead, we have Jon acting so retarded that having all his men sit down and drop their weapons would have been a better battle plan, Sansa and Jon unable to convince even a single Northern Lord from joining them (It's Dave that convince Tiny Mormont), and all being saved by a stupid Deux Ex Machina.

Remember, in order to make things realistic, everyone dies randomly, except the good guys who are impervious to death

Same for Daeny, who basically just wins everything because magic and bad writing.

All problems resolved, no more sons of the Harpy, because remember - killing insurgents is possible if you just keep killing harder, worked for Iraq rite

I mean, if we're doing things this way, why not have everyone decide to invite Dany to rule Westeros, have all the White Walkers die choking on pretzels and call it an end by the next episode?

Inb4 Sand sneks invite Danaerys to Westeros

*EDIT
Oh lawdy, reading the critical reviews is too much xD

[Sheb]

Nae, Cannae make sense, but here we didn't have the Boltons have their center fall back to trick the Northnorthmen. They just waited for all their enemies to run in one tight, convenient bunch right close to the corpsewall (Why do they all gather there? Fuck if I know), and then send their phalanx running around. How does that make sense? Well, it doesn't.

Also, I didn't really see the Dany character depth.

[Loud Whispers]

Nae, Cannae make sense, but here we didn't have the Boltons have their center fall back to trick the Northnorthmen. They just waited for all their enemies to run in one tight, convenient bunch right close to the corpsewall (Why do they all gather there? Fuck if I know), and then send their phalanx running around. How does that make sense? Well, it doesn't.

Because D&D

Also, I didn't really see the Dany character depth.

I believe my earlier description of her was this:
"Dany, who has zero flaws, is so attractive people swear loyalty to her on sight, has a perfect sense of justice, is capable of inspiring mass zealous devotion through liberty and beauty, is a flawless general who has never been defeated in combat, fluently speaks Westerosi, Dothraki, Old Valyrian, is capable of making the entire Mongol Dothraki world bow to her (through awe and beauty), rides a dragon, has unique hair and is a Queen of an ancient, powerful magical dynasty from a long-lost Empire of which she is the last remnant and possess magical powers for herself, is guarded by the greatest soldiers alive including mysterious sorcerors and has ambitions to bring world peace through world conquest of which she has no opponents to face."

D&D describe her this way:
"If you're one of the lords of Westeros or one of her potential opponents in the wars to come and you get word of what happened here in Meereen, you have to be pretty nervous because this is an unprecedented threat," said Benioff. "You've got a woman who has somehow formed an alliance where she has a Dothraki horde, a legion of Unsullied, she's got the mercenary army of the Second Sons, and she has three dragons who are now pretty close to full grown. So if she can make it all the way across the Narrow Sea and get to Westeros, who's going to stand in her way?"

Now she's a Mary Sue who's also a flirtatious bisexual, which adds two more words that could describe her character
It's not a lot of character development but it's something

Interestingly there's a Queen in the Norf, Princess Bastard Snek in Dorne, Lady of Thorns in the Reach, Queen of sneeky faith in King's Landing, Queen of the Iron Islands in Meereen, Khaleesi of everything in Meereen, the Riverlands (which is Somalia right now) and Vale (CIA being up to sneeky breeky as usual) remain as key players in the Game of Thrones - all others having perished. Tyrion is already with Dany and Jon will soon be R+L=J so that's the three heads already set

CIA death wen?

[ChairmanPoo]

Seriously though, how did you guess everything LW? Like the Bolton fighting in phalanx?

D&D were doing the Battle of Cannae as run through a Total War cgi generator

Ramsay is the Carthaginian force, with superior cavalry (in numbers and quality), infantry, and has forced the Stark army into battle by controlling the vital supply centre of Winterfell. The Starks know Ramsay is a tricksy bastard but also know they can only do the best with what they have, so they choose to engage in battle on the open field where they can see all of Ramsay's deployed soldiers, just as Varro knew Hannibal was a tricksy bastard and did the same. Whether Ramsay knew how the wildlings fought or not, he gambled on getting Jon to charge and getting the wildlings to charge in with them - which Sansa cautions him on, and Jon falls for the cunning ruse. His troops rush forward and attempt to overwhelm the Boltons, who just pepper them with arrows, and once they've overextended just encircle them and begin stabbinating, much like the Carthaginian slingers and line infantry did to the Romans.
Basically spot the similarities

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The most astonishing similarity is that both battles took place near a site called Cannae

[Leafsnail]

Seriously though, how did you guess everything LW? Like the Bolton fighting in phalanx?

Basically everything that happens in this season was leaked months ago. I assume he was just paraphrasing those leaks like I've seen people do on other forums.

...is this how the Targaryens managed to keep power? They just had magical personalities right up until mr. lunatic came long at which point it all fell apart?

I assume it was something to do with the essentially invincible creatures that can easily annihilate entire fleets/armies, like we saw in this episode.