Turn Ninety SevenQuaff healing potion (if that cures/improves gutbleed), shove my staff up the ass-attacker's... well, attack the hungry one.
"Eeee!" cries Rattlefang the Chiefto-Shaman,
"Lumpy fatlings too strong, hideous looks give them freakish strength maybe!"Instead of concluding that what the fatlings clearly need for him to defeat them is a kobold makeover, he decides to take a drink, whereupon his guts immediately stop bleeding, or at least the ones that aren't on the nearby wall.
And
then he sees someone who could totally do with a kobold makeover, and he steps towards the hovering spinning naked anger monk, and shoves his staff right up...
...his face, and decorates it with some serious heavy bleeding!
Yeah! He was aiming for the first most popular style of kobold makeover, but the second most popular type will do!
Wound Acquired: Bukkar Crangrom:
Very Heavy Face Bleeding!Then he remembers he's a serious shamano-kobold, and starts bashing away again on his dronebongo, and Tackov the Terrifying suddenly realises he's temporarily forgotten how to turn invisible.
Bother!
Keep shuffling - also, shoot Rattlefang in the groin while I'm at it.
"Well,” murmurs Gervedder, stoically accepting that he couldn't make a drum explode with a crossbow bolt,
"I suppose that was too much to hope for, really."Little does he know of the terrible consequences of his actions!
…Then he suddenly has a good idea, and pops one (a crossbow bolt) off at Rattlefang's groin, but it bounces off as if there's some kind of hidden armour plating down the kobold's pants.
Which there isn't, because it would be marked on his sheet if there were.
Action: Tactical aerial retreat! Time to drink my strawberry peppermint flavored diet health potion when I'm out of range!
"That's my pole-dancing leg! You'll pay for that!" shouts Lady Foxglove, deliberately not clarifying that she meant later, and not immediately, because that would have been a little less menacing.
She floats towards the other end of the Throne Room on her squid, pondering the blood ruining her favourite leg. She has an idea.
"An ounce of preparation saves a gallon of exsanguination...
Hey, that's quite clever. Someone write that down! Tacky, write that down - that's an autobiographical quality quip."She continues to float out of range, and as she drinks she's rather pleased to find her leg is no longer ruining itself, or the attached boot.
Try to throw myself towards Rattlefang by tossing my own arse and thus myself at it! Then begin eating him.
INTERFRENCE IN MY HOLY TECHNIQUES?! I'LL EAT YOU!Forgetting for a while that he is still hovering about through the power of rage, Bukkar Crangrom tries, non-suggestively, although nakedly, to grab his own arse, and as he contorts about,
…he suddenly manages to get a firm grip on one of his buttocks – which feels very strange, entirely paralysed – and tries to hurl it – and him – towards the kobold shaman, whereupon he completely loses his balances and falls slightly towards the ground, spinning uncontrollably, and feeling, if possible, slightly sicker than normal.
Destroy!
And suddenly doom pounces upon yon Bukkar Crangrom!
Rattlefang's injured yet animated-by-its-very-injury-and-the-GM's-whim-which-is-unfortunate leaps out of its master's bongoing hands, and hurls itself, fangs bared, at Bukkar's neck!
…The head is quite entirely severed!
It almost flies off in an arc, but somehow manages to keep itself attached by a tiny sliver of skin though, as if severed by a master decapitator – which the dronebongo seems to be.
Its beady eyes look around the room, searching for another victim.
Wound Acquired: Bukkar Crangrom:
Severed Head!
OVERDRIVE MODE ENTERED: BUKKAR CRANGROM: 1HP
Typhoon back up Wind Blast II.
Tackov, caught between the horror of seeing Bukkar's head held on with a tiny flap of skin and the uncontrollable urge to take minutes for Lady Foxglove's future autobiography, steps back out of the whirling melee, and concentrates his forces.
He feels a deep rumbling burst of wind build up, deep within him.
Kill!
Then, rather anticlimactically, the four remaining kobold minions get back into the fray. The corporal slashes at the horrible mummywhiz,
doing no damage at all, and even somehow managing to visibly blunt his sword a little. The sergeant stabs at Tackov, doing as equally little damage, and seeming even to slightly sprain his right finger whilst wielding his weapon. And
then the two unterminions with their crossbows raised loose off a volley at Gervedder, still peering through the hole in the ceiling,
…and manage to completely miss, although without exceptionally minor injuries to themselves or their weapons, so it's an improvement I guess.
Charge kobold leader with Cutlass, using Fast Whiz I.
Slash.
Stab.
Stab.
Stab.
Finally, Whiz the Whiznificent Mummy lurches a spell out of his brain, and suddenly becomes at once very slow, and very very fast.
I'M INVINCIBLE he shouts, visibly in all caps, and audibly not quite feeling himself. He draws his cutlass and advances menacingly on Rattlefang, moaning like a mummy should, and once he finally gets there he slashes up, he slashes down, he slashes all around! He multislashes all around the astonished Rattlefang,
…who is pleased Whiz hadn't lurched forward another foot or so, which would have let him multislash Rattlefang in the face, rather than just in the air in front of him.
Blast.
Actions in initiative order.
Mission: Retrieve the Magical Mandolin Part from the Fortress of Koboldy Doom.
Map:
Everyone is in the Throne Room, except for Gervedder, who is above it, and Medha, somewhere to be decided.
Name: Tackov Cedtry
Class: Level 3 Gusty Wind Mage
Status: +1 missile defence. +1 to future gut damage. -1 to melee. Naked!
Health: [HP: 40/60] |
Severed Guts! |
Very Heavy Head BleedingAbilities: Magical Typhoon I,
Wind Blast I,
Wind Blast II,
Wind Step I,
Squishy,
Sissy Slap FightInventory: Minor Mana Potion x1,
Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1,
Mouldy Wizard Hat, You Bastard the Mangy Donkey,
Cloak of Camouflage, 524 Green Farthings, 54 Yuros, Several heavy rocks, saucepan.
Name: Whiz
Class: Level 3 Whiznificent Whiz Wiz(ard)
Status: +1 to lower leg defence. -1 to social interaction except with rats. +1 to balancing. +1 to strength. Last in initiative rolls. +2 to defence for 1 turns.
Health: [HP: 60/85] |
Giant Rat’s Tail! Mummy! |
Heavily Bleeding Chest!Abilities: Red Carpet,
Shield I,
Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast II,
Obviously a Powerful Wizard,
It’ll Make You Blind!Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Raider’s Dress of Shin Protection, 100 Yuros,
Middling Mana Potion x1, Cutlass, Three daggers,
Minor Health Potion x2, +1 Bolt of Accuracy x4, +1 Bolt of Burning x3, +1 Bolt of Paralysis x1,
Carrying Serf x0 (not currently mounted), 0 Green Farthings.
Name: Medha Correo
Class: Level 3 Alchemist Curse Crafter
Status: +1 to gut defence. +1 to chest defence. -1 to non-stone-based social interaction.
Health: [HP: 46/85] |
Draconic Ribcage! Shiny Rock Face!Skull Spider Health: [HP: 25/25]Abilities: Craft Curse Grenade,
Opportunistic Attack I,
Curse Crafter,
Curse of the Fool,
Wandering Asshole,
Curse of the Curse CrafterInventory: Dagger, Half a dress, 59 bandages,
Neckless of the Ribless, Dagger, Lock picking kit,
Iron Cuirass, 111 Yuros, Crossbow,
Brittle Jagged Groinbone Dagger of Good, 4 vials of human blood, 6 vials of kobold blood,
Grenade of the Fool x0, Serpent's Benediction plant x1, Faery-weed x1, A Shiny Stone, Bottle of Dragon Blood, a six foot plank of wood, a rune dagger,
Curse of Being Stepped Upon! Name: Gervedder Vietzo
Class: Level 3 Damaged Opportunistic Messenger
Status: +1 to gut and chest defence. +1 defence if moves.
Health: [HP: 85/85]Abilities: Just a Brainflesh Wound,
Nimble Feet,
This Messenger Delivers,
Make Way for the Messenger! Important,
Stop For DirectionsInventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 0 bandages, 2 Yuros,
Iron Cuirass, Crossbow, Gerald the Mule, Two weeks rations and a bedroll,
Apprentice Herbalist's Manual,
Herbalist's Containers x5, Large Cork x1.
Name: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III
Class: Level 3 Glamorous Ravenhaired Crusader
Status: +1 to head, chest and groinbone defence.
Health: [HP: 70/85]Abilities: Ravena’s Ear,
Silent as a Raven’s Wing,
Opportunistic,
Honeyed Tongue,
Vain,
Self-RelianceInventory: Minor Health Potion x1, Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Masterwork Helm,
Flying Warsquid, Sword,
Mercenary Squidrider Uniform,
Masterwork Poledancing Pole,
chainmail lingerie, 34 Yuros, 10 bandages, Decent provisions (day) x4, Live eel x649, Red dragon-scale vest,
Curse Grenade of the Slimy Eel.
Name: Bukkar Crangrom
Class: Level 3 Sprayin' Ragin' Mage
Status: Naked! -1 to Arse.
Health: [HP: 1/85] |
The Vomiting! |
Heavy Face Bleeding! |
Paralysed Arse! |
Very Heavy Face Bleeding! |
Severed Head!Abilities: Rage Flight,
Rage Lazors I,
Ass of the Flaming Foot I,
Lightning Fist I,
Always Looking For a Fight,
Always HungoverInventory: Sword of Severing! Crossbow, 0 Green Farthings,
Large Sealed Bling Barrel, Large Cork x1, pick.
Name: Rattlefang the Perfidious
Class: Level 4 Kobold Shamano-Chieftain
Status: +1 to ranged defence. +1 to attacks next turn. +1 to defence against spells. +1 to head and chest defence.
Health: [HP: 60/75]Abilities: Monologue Boss,
Lost in the Scuffle,
Shinkicker I,
Slippery,
Mighty Warrior....
Inventory: Turtleskull Staff! Fur Cloak! Dragon Skull Helm! Dragon Groinbone Breastplate! Shamanic Dronebongo! Middling Mana Potion,
Minor Health Potion x0 (all with melee weapons and crossbows)
Name: Kobold Sergeant
Health: [HP: 60/60]Abilities: Sneaky ChargeInventory: Fancy SwordName: Kobold Corporal
Health: [HP: 40/40]Abilities: Sneaky ChargeName: Kobold Bodyguard x2
Health: [HP: 20/20]Abilities: Look Out Srrrraaargh!Name: Rattlefang’s dronebongo
Health: [HP: 20/30] |
Heavy Bongo Part Bleeding!
Author
Topic: Roll to Dungeon Quest - It's not you, it's me. (Read 194192 times)