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Author Topic: Roll to Dungeon Quest - It's not you, it's me.  (Read 193209 times)

lawastooshort

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Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.88
« Reply #1125 on: December 09, 2013, 05:20:54 pm »

Turn Eighty Eight

INT: A DANK CAVE; DEEP IN THE DURIAL MOUNTAINS. 7.40AM. TUESDAY.

A lady – it is clearly a Lady, and not just a Woman – flees a small horde of miniature ratty lizard type creatures.

She is mounted on a squid.

"Oh, you just what you dongleflanges!" fumes the Lady, incoherently.

She is angry.

At Fate.

Several of the miniature ratty lizard type creatures throw spears at her as she flees.

"I'll be back when numerical superiority is on my side!" she shouts, over her shoulder.

INT: A DANKER CAVE; SLIGHTLY DEEPER IN THE DURIAL MOUNTAINS. 7.41AM: SECONDS BEFORE A SIX. STILL TUESDAY.

A wizard – it is clearly a wizard, and not, say, a mage, a sorcerer, or a nudist, although he could quite easily in fact be confused with any of these three – waves his hands energetically. A red carpet appears in the middle of the danker cave. Literally the middle: it is floating in the air. Something that looks and smells a little like cheap red wine spews forth from the edges of the carpet, or rug, like a floating Niagara Falls of magical wine, but more carpety.

It is a magical potion.

Within seconds the torrent of magical potion increases in strength: two-fold; three-fold; multi-fold. Suddenly it is as if there is a circular tsunami burst forth out of the carpet. ...One of the wizard's companions, a scrawny and deformed young woman, is swept violently away by the river of extra-strength healing potion.

INT: A DANKER CORRIDOR. 7.41AM.

Medha Correo, for it is of course she, the deformed companion, is smashed against a nearby wall, whereupon several broken ribs sprout out of her horrific chest, leap through repulsive bloody wounds, and start beating her about the face.

Her severed ribs have regenerated, and they are back for vengeance.

INT: A DANKER CAVE. 7.41AM.

...Back in the danker cave, the wizard – who is named Whiz, we will soon find out – is alarmed. He has stopped heavily bleeding, which is good. His leg has grown back, which is good.

But so have several other legs.

Not so much back.

Just grown.

They sever themselves and leap off Whiz's terrified body, and start kicking him in the face and head even as more legs sprout from his sides. He huddles on the floor, holding his head in his hands.

The cave begins to fill with violent legs.

They start attacking the cave's occupants in fits of rage.

Just then a very long gut slithers out of Whiz, and snakes towards the door.

A very long sentient gut.

Oh dear.

INT: A DANKER CORRIDOR. 7.42AM.

Bukkar Crangrom is not your typical friendly type drunk. Oh no. He is an angry drunk.

This is irrelevant for now.

He is a hungry drunk.

That is not.

Oh dear.

Suddenly he is confused. He smells... wine? Great quantities of wine? He...

Food?

Sausage!

Kebab!

Joy!

Argh!

Bukkar Crangrom wrestles on the floor with an enormous length of sentient gut. ...He loses. ...The guts start trying to strangle him. He struggles and flails about on the floor in a river of cheap wine.

A typical Tuesday morning for Bukkar Crangrom.

INT: A DANKER CAVE. 7.42AM.

"WHEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOh man stop the room spinning"

Oddly enough, Tackov Cedtry is not sick. He is, however, knocked lightly against the wall by a passing flood of cheap magical wine. He struggles to his feet, pulls a set of fancy clothes out of his inventory, and ...watches in disgust as a nearby leg grabs them and runs off whilst his comrade-in-legship starts kicking Tackov in the groin.

...Tackov collapses to the ground, naked and in pain.

The sentient leg continue to kick him in the crotch.

EXT: A MOUNTAINSIDE: LESS DEEP IN THE DURIAL MOUNTAINS. 7.43AM. TUESDAY.

...In the semi-darkness, a messenger runs through the dawn.

The audience knows he is a messenger, for there is messengery music playing.

He runs.

He occasionally looks over his shoulder.

He occasionally nearly stumbles.

But Gervedder Vietzo is a pro. He keep running through the dawn until suddenly he falls down a hole.

He lands with a bump, in a slick of cheap magical wine, and is immediately set upon by several sentient legs, trying to kick his shins and bite his cheeks.

...He holds them off with his fists as best as he can, even elbowing one in the face as he surveys the dim dank situation.

On one side of the room lays Whiz, his whizzardly companion. He is naked, in a huddle, with nigh on a dozen legs kicking him viciously.

On the other side of the room lays Tackov, his magely companion. He is naked, in a huddle, with several legs kicking him happily in the groin.

Just outside of the room, smashed against the wall outside the doorway, is Medha, his... witchly companion. Bleeding heavily, she is being beaten about the face by her own bones.

And next to her is Bukkar, his drunkardly... acquaintance. He is wrestling a long segment of gut. And losing.

...Just then Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III falls on Gervedder's head.

"Hm... okay."

Wound Acquired: Medha Correo: Very Heavy Chest Bleeding!

Wound Acquired: Medha Correo: Face Damage!

Wound Acquired: Whiz el Whiznificentissimo: Face Damage!

Wound Acquired: Whiz el Whiznificentissimo: Head Damage!

Wound Acquired: Bukkar Crangrom Throat Damage!

Wound Acquired: Tackov Cedtry Crotch Damage!

Spoiler: GM’s notes (click to show/hide)
Current Players:
Spoiler: Tackov Cedtry, Toaster (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Whiz, Chink (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Medha Correo, Errol (click to show/hide)
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Xantalos

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.88
« Reply #1126 on: December 09, 2013, 06:48:20 pm »

OH GOOD, MY BACON CAME TO ME THIS TIME!
INSERT GUTS PUN!


Pull the guts off my throat, Rage Lazors it, then eat it as I barbecue it.
« Last Edit: December 10, 2013, 11:17:54 am by Xantalos »
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.88
« Reply #1127 on: December 10, 2013, 02:45:28 am »

"Well."

Charge at the flock of sentient legs, try to eliminate them somehow.
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Dwarmin

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.88
« Reply #1128 on: December 10, 2013, 03:24:21 am »

Having taken an unspoken moment-it wasn't even mentioned in the turn for being so grisly-staring into pools of shiny wizblood and admiring her youthful reflection in it's murky glow, Lady Foxglove was back in action!

"Oh dear! I think it's we best disARM these limey limbs as quick as possible before they HAND us a deFEET!"

...wait, there's no arms here! Damn!"
Lady failquipped.

Action: Pop goes the crossbow! Aim for their knees! They ain't no adventurers anymore!
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Toaster

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.88
« Reply #1129 on: December 10, 2013, 10:38:03 am »

So, Gervedder.

You elbowed a leg.

In the face.
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

Toaster

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.88
« Reply #1130 on: December 10, 2013, 11:16:31 am »

Wind Blast I away the legs!

"The game is afoot!"
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

Chink

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.88
« Reply #1131 on: December 10, 2013, 08:31:01 pm »

Use Shield I, and then start chopping legs.
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Dwarmin

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.88
« Reply #1132 on: December 11, 2013, 03:18:27 am »

"The game is afoot!"

"Don't even try!"
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Toaster

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.88
« Reply #1133 on: December 11, 2013, 08:21:16 am »

"You could always just leg it, you know."
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

Dwarmin

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.88
« Reply #1134 on: December 11, 2013, 09:06:05 am »

"You could always just leg it, you know."

"Sure, but I'll give you a HEAD start."
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Dwarmin's fell gaze has fallen upon you. Sadly, Your life and your quest end here, at this sig.

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Errol

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.88
« Reply #1135 on: December 11, 2013, 02:26:07 pm »

"Eff you! I ain't done nothing wrong to you! Now go back to your rightful ribby places or I'll look for replacements! Arseholes."

Retrieve some bone marrow. Craft curse from rock, marrow, alunite, shiny stone, wood, rune dagger and anger. Curse bones!
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Toaster

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.88
« Reply #1136 on: December 11, 2013, 05:00:48 pm »

"I don't get it."
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

lawastooshort

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Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.89
« Reply #1137 on: December 12, 2013, 04:55:42 pm »

Turn Eighty Nine

Retrieve some bone marrow. Craft curse from rock, marrow, alunite, shiny stone, wood, rune dagger and anger. Curse bones!

"Eff you, bones!" squeals Medha, bleeding heavily all over herself.

"I ain't done nothing wrong to you! Now go back to your rightful ribby places or I'll look for replacements! Arseholes."

She grabs one and smashes it open, picking up the squelchy bone marrow and squeezing it vigorously between her fingers. She starts to think of a horrifyingly cunning curse to inflict on these bony feckers, and summons all her anger and alunite!

But unable to resist the lovely squelchy feelings, Medha suddenly decides to rub the bone marrow all over her face whilst contorting with pleasure as she chants! She notices something feels very wrong when her face begins to feel almost exactly like she imagines shiny stone might, except sharper and angrier and rockier!

Oh no!

Deformation Acquired: Medha Correo: Shiny Rock Face!

The bemused set of Medha’s ex-ribs attack ineffectually, and then scamper off to the north with a gentle clatter.

Medha sighs to herself, and continues to bleed.

Action: Pop goes the crossbow! Aim for their knees! They ain't no adventurers anymore!

Tossing back her hair and checking her reflection in some nearby blood – it’s perfect – Lady Foxglove whips out her crossbow, pausing only to exchange bewilderingly bad puns with her naked wizard colleague, and takes aim.

Just then the nearest sentient leg leaps up, and tries to kick her in the face! It misses, crashing to the ground in an undignified heap next to Lady Foxglove, whereupon she blasts it in the knee, severing the tendon and sending the severed part flying in an arc!

The leg retches!

The leg vomits!

The leg gives in to the pain!

Flushed with success, Lady F hastily reloads and blasts a bolt right through the next leg’s calf. It winces, and starts to hobble as blood runs down and round its ankle.

Charge at the flock of sentient legs, try to eliminate them somehow.

"Well," comments Gervedder, astutely, before charging at the flock of legs.

He charges well, barrelling the first unfortunate leg to the ground and stomping it feebly in the neck before spinning round and roundhousing one leg in the jaw and then brutally eliminating a third leg in the groin with his knee!

There’s a pair of sickening crunches and baleful moans, and the flock of sentient legs draw back from Gervedder, before one brave leg steps up to face the intruder.

”You killed me friends, ye bastard! Me brothers in arms!” screams the leg in a thick Scottish accent, furious.

He leaps into the air in slow motion, and brushes his thigh lightly against Gervedder’s face!

Gervedder violently snaps the leg’s neck with a swift movement, throws the corpse to the ground, and steps towards the flock of legs, who shrink back towards the other side of the room.

Use Shield I, and then start chopping legs.

Seeing the crowd of his legs come near, Whiz moves to raise shields – but a host of his own sentient detached legs gets into action before he manages!

...The first leg to break through his defences severely knees Whiz in the funnybone – twanging his elbow and bringing a gruesome grimace to the wizard's face! As Whiz hops about in pain, a second leg approaches, and dropkicks the wizard's guts right through his body and out the other side! Blood fountains out front and back! Whiz keels over in hideous agony, ...and has just enough strength left in him to summon a magical shield and reflect that he only recently had his guts repaired.

Wound Acquired: Whiz el Gutlessissimo: Extra Severed Guts!

Wind Blast I away the legs!

Across the room, Tackov feels the only way to match the mediocrity of his punning duel with Lady Foxglove is by casting some mediocre magic!

...He points his hands at the swarm of legs nibbling towards him, and blows them back slightly! One even falls over!

Pull the guts off my throat, Rage Lazors it, then eat it as I barbecue it.

Just outside the small leg-filled room, as can now be clearly seen on the enclosed map, Bukkar is getting enraged at the gut strangling him.

Totally enraged!

So enraged the rage is beginning to pour forth out of his eyes like some kind of laser superpower!

...But at the last moment he gets distracted trying to think up some pun on the theme of guts, and he misses with his laser superpower, instead burning angry patterns into the rock beneath.

Frustrated, he makes up for it by punching the gut repeatedly and damagingly in the face. ...Unsurprisingly, the gut is almost powerless to resist.

Spoiler: GM’s notes (click to show/hide)
Current Players:
Spoiler: Tackov Cedtry, Toaster (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Whiz, Chink (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Medha Correo, Errol (click to show/hide)
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Xantalos

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.89
« Reply #1138 on: December 12, 2013, 05:07:14 pm »

I'LL DIGEST THE HELL OUT OF YOU WITH MY OWN INTESTINES, YOU GUTS!

Eat that guts! Chew it to pieces!
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Quote from: BFEL
XANTALOS, THE KARATEBOMINATION
Quote from: Toaster
((The Xantalos Die: [1, 1, 1, 6, 6, 6]))

Harry Baldman

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.89
« Reply #1139 on: December 13, 2013, 09:35:01 am »

"Hm."

Run over to Whiz, pick him up and then wrap him in his Red Carpet.
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