Turn Eighty SevenCurse at feckers that hit me in the back of me head with a goddamn fecking door! Then, move over to curses that actually do something!
Whiz: Cast Shield I spell and spam bolts at the kobolds.
Wind Blast II those damned kobolds away.
”Feck!””Shite!”"OW!"Medha and Whiz turn towards Tackov, their questioning looks and arched eyebrows not particularly visible in the dimness.
"Watch where you're going, you fecking idio- oh look, now you've got kobolds on us. Feck all this!"Just as Medha is about to reply with a shouty outburst from a new language apparently based on tonal variations of the word feck, Tackov waves his hands in fecking annoyance.
Medha doesn't even have time to say her second variation on the theme of feck.
...In fact, no one has the time to say another feck: a stupendous blast of wind shoots out of Tackov's angry hands like the sudden appearance of a raging hurricane in a tiny shed, except more. The horrifying recoil spins the poor wind mage round and round like a murderous magic roundabout, the dizziness blurring his sight and sickening his guts; the awful sights blurring his guts and sickening his mind.
His first victims are, unsurprisingly, the kobolds he did in fact intend to point his massive wind blast at:
...three are blasted backwards so hard that one loses his chest, another his guts, and another his legs: the body parts and deceased and bleeding kobolds alike are flung out of the room and into the corridor beyond, crumpling with crunches against the wall.
...The remaining three are only slightly luckier: one is blown against the wall so hard he disappears into a vaporous bloody mist; another flies against the rock door, smashing his head into unrecognisable bits, and the final fortunate kobold is blown directly upwards, where he shoots off through Medha's hole and into the sky.
Medha is exceedingly lucky.
...Being already smashed into the corner of the room behind the door, she is protected from the main force of Tackov's uncontrollable wind,
...and when the rock door is blown off its rocky hinges she manages to instinctively raise a desperate forearm and parry the blow.
...Whiz is not exceedingly lucky. Whether by design or accident, Tackov's virulent death wind first blasts off his leg; whilst still staggering about after this cruel blow, the Whiznificent One-Legged Whiz is smashed at hundreds of miles per hour against the nearest wall, whereupon his guts fall out, severed, at his feet or rather foot.
"Feck yeah!"Whiz looks sadly at his guts, and wonders whether it’s worth Shielding himself now. He could probably retrospectively cast it, he decides. It is quite unfortunate that he didn’t cast it quicker than Tackov cast
his spell, really.
Medha sits there in the corner, half under the door, repeating the word feck to herself. She wonders if it will actually do something.
Wound Acquired: Whiz the Whiznificent:
Severed Left Leg!Wound Acquired: Whiz the Whiznificent:
Severed Guts!Attempt to smell any bacon in vicinity. Follow the scent.
Hgnagggn, sways Bukkar, swearily,
Hgnagggnnnnggnnh.He sniffs the air furiously,
...but only seems to be able to make out the smell of vomit, which strikes him as a little odd. Curiously enough it makes him feel a little better, and then suddenly there’s the sound of half a dozen kobolds being smashed against a wall, and the light plop of a pair of guts falling out.
It can mean only one thing!
Action: Wade in and start killing kobolds with my sword-fight toward the leader! Go into beauty rage!
Not very far from the aforementioned events but probably not on the same z level, Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III is quite – no, maddeningly enragedly – angry. Not only has no one used her full name and title for several pages, but she is being assaulted by kobolds so peasantish and deranged, so lacking in politesse and a basic respect for the rights and dignity of the other, so… entirely feckingshitemiserholish, that she lets out a blast of foul language, and describes the villains as the only things they merit to be described as.
"Feckingshitemiserholes!" she screams, losing a little of her trademark cool,
"You made me late for powdering my nose! Do you know how annoying a -1 bonus is when we're using D6's? IT'S ATROCIOUS!"The possibly leadery kobold stares at her.
”What??”"Er… Feckingshitemiserholes! Shutup!"BEAUTY RAGE ROLL: 2! BEAUTY RAGE FAILED!Lady Foxglove stomps angrily whilst also probably flying on her warquid, I forget, towards the possibly leadery kobold, and smacks him in the face with her sword.
…At the last moment, unfortunately, she is distracted by the lack of powder on her nose, and only some very heavy bleeding is inflicted on the insolent kobold.
He is quite aggrieved, and tries to smack her right back in the face,
…but is momentarily dazzled by the lack of powder on Lady Foxglove’s terrifying nasal appendage, and misses.
He stares at his minions.
”Well, what the bloody hell are you waiting for?!?!” he seems to say, if only Lady F could understand the impenetrable kobold yippery accent.
Sprint like the devil himself and try to shoot the Brutal Mole before it gnaws, smashes or otherwise kills me to death. Hope the drunkard serves as a distraction.
Gervedder handles drunks like a veteran barmaid.
Which is good, because he is, if you remember last turn, faced with an angry one.
"Perhaps you," he starts,
"Good sir," he continues, edging towards the drunk and away from the nearby rabid Brutal Mole, as large as a small but very muscular fearsomely-toothed horse,
"Would like to take it up with my good friend over there?” …Shoving the drunkard towards the Brutal Mole’s drooling maw, Gervedder watches in horror as the fiendish underground menace snaps the unfortunate stumbling eejit in two, covering his snout and fangs in drunkard blood, and swallowing the legs whole.
This greed proves to be the Brutal Mole’s undoing, for he suddenly starts choking on the left leg. His face turns blue and he keels over onto the ground.
Knowing a good opportunity when he sees one, Gervedder shoots the fecker and flees.
I wasn't lying about the map!
Enemies list:
Name: Kobold Sergeant
Health: [HP: 40/50] Very Heavy BleedingAbilities: Sneaky Charge,
Tiny KoboldName: Tackov Cedtry
Class: Level 3 Gusty Wind Mage
Status: +1 missile defence. -1 to melee. Naked!
Health: [HP: 45/60] |
Severed Guts!Abilities: Magical Typhoon I,
Wind Blast I,
Wind Blast II,
Wind Step I,
Squishy,
Sissy Slap FightInventory: Minor Mana Potion x1,
Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1, one memorised use of:
Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Mouldy Wizard Hat, bits of guts (own), You Bastard the Mangy Donkey,
Cloak of Camouflage, 112 Green Farthings, 17 Yuros, Several heavy rocks, Some ribs, saucepan, Fancy Clothes.
Name: Whiz
Class: Level 3 Whiznificent Whiz Wiz(ard)
Status: +1 to lower leg defence. -1 to social interaction. +1 to balancing. Naked! -1 to legs! -1 to movement! +1 to future gut damage!
Health: [HP: 45/85] |
Giant Rat’s Tail!,
Severed Left Leg!,
Severed Guts!Abilities: Red Carpet,
Shield I,
Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast II,
Obviously a Powerful Wizard,
It’ll Make You Blind!Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Raider’s Dress of Shin Protection, 37 Yuros,
Middling Mana Potion x1, Cutlass, Three daggers,
Minor Health Potion x2, +1 Bolt of Accuracy x4, +1 Bolt of Burning x3, +1 Bolt of Paralysis x2,
Carrying Serf x0 (not currently mounted), 12 Green Farthings.
Name: Medha Correo
Class: Level 3 Alchemist Curse Crafter
Status: +1 to gut defence. +1 to chest defence.
Health: [HP: 76/85] |
Draconic Ribcage!Skull Spider Health: [HP: 25/25]Abilities: Craft Curse Grenade,
Opportunistic Attack I,
Curse Crafter,
Curse of the Fool,
Wandering Asshole,
Curse of the Curse CrafterInventory: Dagger, Half a dress, 71 bandages,
Neckless of the Ribless, Dagger, Lock picking kit,
Iron Cuirass, 211 Yuros, Crossbow,
Brittle Jagged Groinbone Dagger of Good, 4 vials of human blood, 6 vials of kobold blood,
Grenade of the Fool x0, Serpent's Benediction plant x1, Faery-weed x1, A Shiny Stone, Bottle of Dragon Blood, a six foot plank of wood, a rune dagger,
Curse of Being Stepped Upon! Name: Gervedder Vietzo
Class: Level 3 Damaged Opportunistic Messenger
Status: +1 to gut and chest defence. +1 defence if moves.
Health: [HP: 75/85]Abilities: Just a Brainflesh Wound,
Nimble Feet,
This Messenger Delivers,
Make Way for the Messenger! Important,
Stop For DirectionsInventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 2 bandages, 2 Yuros,
Iron Cuirass, Crossbow, Gerald the Mule, Two weeks rations and a bedroll,
Apprentice Herbalist's Manual,
Herbalist's Containers x5, Large Cork x1.
Name: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III
Class: Level 3 Glamorous Ravenhaired Crusader
Status: +1 to head, chest and groinbone defence.
Health: [HP: 85/85]Abilities: Ravena’s Ear,
Silent as a Raven’s Wing,
Opportunistic,
Honeyed Tongue,
Vain,
Self-RelianceInventory: Minor Health Potion x2, Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Masterwork Helm,
Flying Warsquid,
Lance, Sword,
Mercenary Squidrider Uniform,
Masterwork Poledancing Pole,
chainmail lingerie, 34 Yuros, 10 bandages, Decent provisions (day) x4, Live eel x649, Red dragon-scale vest,
Curse Grenade of the Slimy Eel.
Name: Bukkar Crangrom
Class: Level 3 Sprayin' Ragin' Mage
Status:Health: [HP: 65/85] |
The Vomiting!Abilities: Rage Flight,
Rage Lazors I,
Ass of the Flaming Foot I,
Lightning Fist I,
Always Looking For a Fight,
Always HungoverInventory: Sword of Severing! Crossbow, 400 Green Farthings,
Large Sealed Bling Barrel, Large Cork x1, Dragon Body Parts Covered in Bodily Fluids (quantity-small), pick.
Author
Topic: Roll to Dungeon Quest - It's not you, it's me. (Read 190858 times)