I already know that I will never be able to realistically obtain a love life, so I instead have been striving for enlightenment; be it religiously, or personally. So far, I have concluded that I have been intentionally limiting my true self from others, for the sole reason of politeness alone (I mean, it's been the decent thing to do, right? I was raised to be a respectful and helpful individual; no matter who I help out. Even if they condemn me to a life of hell (with at least enough self respect to know when to tell them to stop; since I no longer need to tolerate their crap anymore when I reach/obtain my goal.).). I only reserve my truest of selves, not for family, but for the one who is willing to be my life-long companion. I mean, they deserve to know exactly what they're getting themselves into; and who they'll partake in creating in the future.
Seeing as that is utter bullshit; I think I'll be more willing to uncensor myself, do away with my shame and dignity, and be my complete self, in virtual and real life. I came with a personal disclaimer, in my own way. At times where I would normally not fight, I will fight; at times I normally won't drink (alcohol), I'll get drunk and beyond, my room and living areas will always be my lowest priority, and I will be my definition of comfortable; meaning, even if I ought to dress nice, I will dress casual, even, and especially, during black-tie events, just out of spite. I will give meaning to Dennis Leary's "Asshole" song, but only to enough of an extent that I won't be a complete monster; even my evil side has standards. Hell, if the opportunity calls for it, I will even do the many things I am not ever allowed to do in an RPG; or anything akin to them. In other words, expect tons of unorthodox behavior and manners; and probably the most lateral thinking and behaviors you'll ever witness from me.
I guess to sum it up; I'm loosening up the leash of my more feral self and my inner demon, and let people learn the real me, and not give a shit about how they react. As un-cultured as you'd expected my dark side to be, he's actually surprisingly well-kept. On a daily basis, I'll look like a bum, but when the time calls for it, I do and will make the effort to look decent (I do clean up well, after all. Add to it, even I want to look/feel clean/nice every once in awhile, for myself. Least I can do is at least have self-respect.). Like I said before, even my darkest side has standards. I suppose that would be another resolution to add to this new year/b'ak'tun; be my truest self, and don't give a shit what anyone thinks about it. Fuck their opinion; they don't like me, treat me like they did before my true self was revealed; ignore me. I don't give a flying fuck anymore. I'm responsible for my own happiness. This is me taking responsibility for it. Don't like how I'm going about it? Fuck you too.