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Author Topic: Terrible Jokes  (Read 712592 times)

Glacies

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2055 on: April 02, 2015, 02:47:39 am »
Sherlock and Watson go the museum, and they observe a dead body inside the geological displays.
"The victim was bludgeoned to death." Sherlock observes.
"How?"
Sherlock points to a rock covered in blood. "Sedimentary, my dear Watson."
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Orange Wizard

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2056 on: April 02, 2015, 02:51:33 am »
Quote from: NukeACitrus on April 02, 2015, 02:37:38 am
Why did the teapot wear a cozy?
Cozy kept him warm.
This one doesn't work with a NZ accent because we pronounce "cozy" with a long y sound.

Also, I take offence to your screenname.
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Quote from: Loud Whispers on June 04, 2016, 07:55:42 pm
Please don't shitpost, it lowers the quality of discourse
Quote from: Cinder on July 21, 2016, 09:25:53 pm
Hard science is like a sword, and soft science is like fear. You can use both to equally powerful results, but even if your opponent disbelieve your stabs, they will still die.

Eric Blank

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2057 on: April 02, 2015, 12:05:36 pm »
Quote from: Glacies on April 02, 2015, 02:47:39 am
Sherlock and Watson go the museum, and they observe a dead body inside the geological displays.
"The victim was bludgeoned to death." Sherlock observes.
"How?"
Sherlock points to a rock covered in blood. "Sedimentary, my dear Watson."

That's a clastic in my books
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I make Spellcrafts!
Quote from: Andreus on June 09, 2011, 02:07:07 pm
I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

Bohandas

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2058 on: April 04, 2015, 02:35:07 am »
If Jesus was crucified on Good Friday then what's a bad friday like?
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Έπαινος Ερις

Orange Wizard

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2059 on: April 04, 2015, 02:37:47 am »
Jesus crucifies everyone else.
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Quote from: Loud Whispers on June 04, 2016, 07:55:42 pm
Please don't shitpost, it lowers the quality of discourse
Quote from: Cinder on July 21, 2016, 09:25:53 pm
Hard science is like a sword, and soft science is like fear. You can use both to equally powerful results, but even if your opponent disbelieve your stabs, they will still die.

Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2060 on: April 04, 2015, 01:35:13 pm »
Orange you glad I didn't say wizard?

That's not even a joke. Wow.
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Quote from: Max™ on July 20, 2016, 06:17:12 pm
This conversation is getting disturbing fast, disturbingly erotic.

Tawa

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2061 on: April 04, 2015, 01:41:18 pm »
Quote from: Urist McScoopbeard on April 04, 2015, 01:35:13 pm
Wow.
World of Warcraft, meanwhile, is a terrible joke. :P
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I don't use Bay12 much anymore. PM me if you need to get in touch with me and I'll send you my Discord handle.

Orange Wizard

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2062 on: April 04, 2015, 05:36:48 pm »
It's not that bad.
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Quote from: Loud Whispers on June 04, 2016, 07:55:42 pm
Please don't shitpost, it lowers the quality of discourse
Quote from: Cinder on July 21, 2016, 09:25:53 pm
Hard science is like a sword, and soft science is like fear. You can use both to equally powerful results, but even if your opponent disbelieve your stabs, they will still die.

Sean Mirrsen

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2063 on: April 05, 2015, 01:31:14 pm »
If a superpowered villain ever picks up and tosses a shopping centre at you, you will wish you'd have beaten the Pokemon games 100%.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Multiworld Madness Archive:
Game One, Discontinued at World 3.
Game Two, Discontinued at World 1.
"Europe has to grow out of the mindset that Europe's problems are the world's problems, but the world's problems are not Europe's problems."
- Subrahmanyam Jaishankar, Minister of External Affairs, India

Eric Blank

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2064 on: April 05, 2015, 05:27:06 pm »
That was so terrible it should be used only to torture people.
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I make Spellcrafts!
Quote from: Andreus on June 09, 2011, 02:07:07 pm
I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

origamiscienceguy

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2065 on: April 05, 2015, 07:17:40 pm »
A pastor is being driven through town by a taxi driver when they get into a crash and they both die. In heaven, God shows the taxi driver his home and its a beautiful mansion with everything he could ever want. The pastor thinks about what his house would be like, but is dissapointed when he sees a small shack. He asks God, "Why does the taxi driver get such a better house than me?" God answered, "It's simple. When you work, people sleep. When he works, people pray!"
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"'...It represents the world. They [the dwarves] plan to destroy it.' 'WITH SOAP?!'" -legend of zoro (with some strange interperetation)

4maskwolf

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2066 on: April 05, 2015, 07:25:01 pm »
I'm sorry to any and all lawyers here, but I found a gold mine of evil lawyer jokes.

How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

What happens to a lawyer if he takes a Viagra?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A man goes to the doctor and is told that he will die soon. The man on his deathbed asks for his lawyer to be present. When the lawyer arrives he asks his client what legal advice he may need, the man replies that he doesn't need that. When asked why he is here by his side the man responds saying, "Jesus died with a thief by his side, I just wanted to go out the same way."

How do you know a lawyer is about to lie?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Two lawyers are in a cafe, and they take out sandwiches that they packed at home and begin eating. A waiter comes by and says "I'm sorry sirs, but you can't eat food you brought here yourself." The lawyers look at him, think for a second, then exchange their sandwiches and continue eating.

A man picks up a hitchhiking priest on the highway. Soon after he sees a hitchhiking lawyer on the side of the road. He aims his car towards the lawyer with the intent to run him over, but remembers he has a priest in the car with him and swerves at the last second. He feigns innocence and says to the priest "Oh my God! That was close! I almost ran over that lawyer!", to which the priest replies "That's okay son. I got him with my door."

Did you hear about the terrorist who kidnapped a dozen lawyers?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

What's the difference between a dead skunk at the side of the road and a dead lawyer at the side of the road?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Alright I'm done now.

You want more?

Fine, one more.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: April 05, 2015, 07:29:39 pm by 4maskwolf »
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ggamer

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2067 on: April 05, 2015, 07:46:49 pm »
Quote from: 4maskwolf on April 05, 2015, 07:25:01 pm
What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

pfff, yeah, the cheap ones
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Draxis

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2068 on: April 05, 2015, 09:11:01 pm »
Quote from: 4maskwolf on April 05, 2015, 07:25:01 pm
What happens to a lawyer if he takes a Viagra?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why do lawyers wear neckties?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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EnigmaticHat

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2069 on: April 05, 2015, 09:46:55 pm »
Quote from: 4maskwolf on April 05, 2015, 07:25:01 pm
A man picks up a hitchhiking priest on the highway. Soon after he sees a hitchhiking lawyer on the side of the road. He aims his car towards the lawyer with the intent to run him over, but remembers he has a priest in the car with him and swerves at the last second. He feigns innocence and says to the priest "Oh my God! That was close! I almost ran over that lawyer!", to which the priest replies "That's okay son. I got him with my door."
I heard that one, but it was... not about lawyers.
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Quote from: GiglameshDespair on February 18, 2014, 09:08:12 pm
"T-take this non-euclidean geometry, h-humanity-baka. I m-made it, but not because I l-li-l-like you or anything! I just felt s-sorry for you, b-baka."
Quote from: Rolan7 on May 02, 2017, 09:50:39 pm
You misspelled seance.  Are possessing Draignean?  Are you actually a ghost in the shell? You have to tell us if you are, that's the rule
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