Just wanted to say it. Ive been on the net since i was a lil 4 year old chap, browsing my moms website, still as 90s as it was back then. Pretty much know how it works, but for me B12 is different, like a big family of really awesome uncles and nephews and the occasional asshole but still loveable cousin. Ive been depressed and periodically suicidal since i dont even know, i guess it culminated when my girlfriend went psychotic and tried to kill someone. Damn she was a wicked one, but i saw something beutiful and loveable inside her, behind all the insanity. Something that was hurt in her once, and she tried to hide it so no one would hurt it again. And she had confidence inme and showed me but then her paranoia got her and i dont know. It hurt so hard, she got raped and murdered on a mental asylum. Didnt talk with girls for years and now people think im into men, wich i try to proove against. The only way i thought i could take distance from it was to hate them. I know its shit but back then i was bullied by a clique including a homosexual male. Also been sexually harassed by
homosexuals. Then i figured out a few of my friends were gay and that my crush was a lesbian. Damn. Then i fooled myself thinking i could get away only hating them on the internet. Then i realised im a god damn bigotted asshole and i learned to shut up about it. Then i learned to ignore what
people says and laugh them in the face when my girlfriend comes back to Denmark next year.
Damn i feel like a attention whore. Wanted to make this thread about my feelings for you guys but instead it became another vent thread for me.
Oh well im happy you guys accept my apology.
About the suicide thing i dunno. I dont have tools or willpower beyond strangling myself wich i know is impossible because of a primal urge to live. I dunno. Having my body lash out at me and tell me "No!!! Fuck you! I dont want you to kill me! We still got alot of animal things to do like eating, drinking, fucking and daddy things to do! Get yer arms off me throat" has a good, if slightly stupid and sick kinda positive effect on me