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Author Topic: So, I'm kind of sort of lonely but not really...  (Read 3079 times)

Reudh

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Re: So, I'm kind of sort of lonely but not really...
« Reply #15 on: October 10, 2012, 06:42:00 am »

Ah, I remember being this age. While what I was going to say was covered pretty extensively by Glyph and MSH... but if you are yourself, let yourself be! Don't let your self-consciousness override your nature, but don't completely hold your self-consciousness at arms length; it's there to help you.

Jelle

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Re: So, I'm kind of sort of lonely but not really...
« Reply #16 on: October 10, 2012, 07:33:15 am »

Yeah I know what you mean, I was pretty much the same at your age.

Not going to do a long write up I'm sure someone else beat me to that (haven't read rest of thread) and I'm pretty sure I can summarize in one sentence:
Don't be afraid to get out of your comfort zone.
Seriously, the only way to get better at social interaction is to engage in it, even if you feel awkward at first.
Might never be the most sociable person but at least you'll have build up some amount of skill. In the end you'll need those social skills to function in todays society even if you despise social contact.

Also some pragraphs and line breaks wouldn't hurt.
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Thecard

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Re: So, I'm kind of sort of lonely but not really...
« Reply #17 on: October 11, 2012, 03:02:23 pm »

I'm only three years your senior, but I've been going through what you described recently.  One of the biggest things you'll find out in Jr. High and High School is that people change.  I was friends with some people in Jr. High who won't have anything to do with me now, and vice-verse.  I don't know if that's what you meant by friends who didn't seem to be completely your friends, but I do know that happens.  Everyone wants to define themselves as an individual, which can mean restructuring.  You just have to remember you are never alone.  The odds of you being the only fan of something in your school are astronomical.

Also, I just wanted to say you have single-handedly restored my faith in twelve year-olds.
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Flying Dice

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Re: So, I'm kind of sort of lonely but not really...
« Reply #18 on: October 11, 2012, 03:39:00 pm »

I'll only say one thing: Don't be afraid to talk to people, to become close to people. This is your chance to develop social skills and become comfortable with things that are inherently uncomfortable. Trust me, speaking from pure personal experience, awkwardness now far outweighs awkwardness when you're in a place where interpersonal relationships are key parts of advancement.
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Re: So, I'm kind of sort of lonely but not really...
« Reply #19 on: October 11, 2012, 03:46:26 pm »

You should punch your friends in the snout to establish dominance.
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Escapism

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Re: So, I'm kind of sort of lonely but not really...
« Reply #20 on: October 12, 2012, 12:14:45 pm »

Indeed, seek to become as experienced as possible when it comes to interpersonal relationships and interacting with people - it's important pretty much no matter what you decide to do with your life after school. If you don't, you might eventually find yourself in a position where you are most certainly not comfortable with relationships, yet nevertheless crave them.
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shadenight123

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Re: So, I'm kind of sort of lonely but not really...
« Reply #21 on: October 13, 2012, 03:20:04 am »

Had the same problem, solved it in the following way:
entered class first and cheerfully said 'hello' whenever someone entered.
Consider this: nobody actually hates anybody else. To hate someone is to expend energies nobody wishes to do, especially not in school, and especially not among those your age (Yeah, i'm sorry if it seems patronizing, but I need to drive home the point) truly, it's not difficult to make friends. The point is that 'nerds' (aren't we all?) are usually having a smarter than normal approach on the matter, probably you don't know how to relate to the others, because where you speak of quad-cores and Ghz, they speak of soccer and football. Still, you can speak of homework! Or of the time, or of something else, like games.
The trick to making friends is either to go all-out or be smart about it. I can count people who I value as true friends on the tip of the hand, but peoples i am friendly with encompass the entirety of the city I live in. And i'm the most reclusive guy there is.
First off, start with your fellow on the side (in class, your desk is attached/near to that of another, right?) from there, move to his friends (If it's a girl, you have better luck trying with the guy in front, behind, or to the other side. Girls are both nicer, but also trickier, especially at the age.)
Key phylosophy is: don't be afraid to say hello, especially because nobody is going to gut you, maim you, kill you or outright yell at your face for it.
Once you start being the 'friendly' guy, everything's fine.
If not that you get the deal from the teachers that, just so casually, you have to placate bullies ire by sitting next to them (Ah the fond memories of brainwashing guys the double my height...)
>.>
Hope it helped.
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Orb

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Re: So, I'm kind of sort of lonely but not really...
« Reply #22 on: October 14, 2012, 09:44:05 pm »

I'm currently in my senor year of high school, and I dare say you might have better writing skills than me.

Now, you could say I went through your recent transformation a few years ago. From 5-7th grade I was the class clown, because it was the only way I knew how to interact and socialize. At 8th grade it hit me that this was silly and I was making a fool of myself. I stayed withdrawn and reclusive until 10th grade, when my best friend left my school for another. We still stayed in contact, but in the end, I had no one to talk to at school. I realized that I had very few other friends because I was content to stay in my bubble.

From there, it was catch up duty. I was a few years behind in socializing. At the time, I didn't realize how to small talk. You asked how someone's day was, even if you didn't care at all, because it was polite and created small talk. In the end, it took me a year to catch up through observation and very gradual practice, but I did, and I'm on a lot friendlier terms with almost everybody.

One thing to note is that you don't necessarily have to have something in common with someone to be their friend. You just have to enjoy being around them. I have a very close friend who I have near nothing in common: he's christian, I'm atheist, he believes judgement day is being brought about by the government, I believe he's a lunatic for believing that, but he's still my friend, because he's kind and generally doesn't think ill of people, which is a strong belief I also have.

In conclusion, what I'm trying to say is that I've been through something similar, albeit a bit more delayed, and I hope my experience with the matter can help you a little. I can say this: Once you understand the general conventions of conversation, ie: "Hey Name! How are you?" "Good, you?" "Great. How did you like that homework last night?....", it becomes a lot easier to start and maintain conversation. Plus, 7th graders. I spoke all this in the context of high school, but in all likelihood if someone seems like your friend, then they're your friend. I don't think most 7th graders would go out of their way to pretend to be someone's friend.

I hope this helps a little.
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