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[Callista]

I have to admit I've had to use Readability to view this page... big allcaps red letters are too much for me. But other than that, it's very entertaining and I'd like to see it continued.

[RedMageCole]

THIOSK, DAMN RIGHT IT IS, BE GLAD THAT'S THE SIZE LIMIT

AND CALLISTA, SHAME ON YOU, BUT I APPRECIATE THE FEEDBACK FROM EVERY DWARF IN THIS THREAD AND WILL PROBABLY CONTINUE IT.

[knutor]

I'm blaming the snail man corpse.  The snail men conspire against him.  How'd that snail man die, anyway?  I betcha he stepped upon himself, rather than face Cole in open combat.  We need combat reports, food for thought.  To rule out snail man conspiracy.

[Yoink]

....What did I just walk in on?

[Vherid]

This is now my favorite thread to exist, and RedMageCole is now my favorite user.

[Hunger]

Wha... What is this thread?

Oh Armok IT IS HAPPENING TO ME

WHERE IS THE UPDATE!
OH ARMOK HELP ME

[RedMageCole]

ALRIGHT, TODAY WAS A FUCKING SHITTY DAY.



SO, I WAS READY TO RECLAIM THIS SHIT, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW EVERYTHING WAS GONNA GO TO FUCKING SHIT.
I HAD A PLAN INVOLVED, BUT THANKS TO ARMOK PASSING A SHITTY ASS JUDGEMENT ON ME, THINGS WERE FUCKING AWFUL AT THE BEGINNING. TO START, I PRESSED FUCKING PLAY NOW INSTEAD OF PREPARING FOR THE JOURNEY CAREFULLY. SO FUCK, I'M STUCK WITH A BUNCH OF MUTANT HALF-ELF HALF-DWARVES. MOSTLY ELF.



SO HERE'S MY ARMY OF FAGGOTS.





I'M FUCKING SCREWED.



ALRIGHT, START THE DAMN FARM PLOT I WANT SO DAMN MUCH.



DAMN, EVERYTHING LOOKS SHITTY HERE.



AND LOOK AT THIS SHIT, I'M ALREADY GETTING ATTACKED. THIS CALLS FOR SOME FUCKING BADASSES.



I CALLED THEM FAGGOTS A FEW MINUTES AGO, BUT NOW THEY GROW INTO BADASSES.



TAKE OUT THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE WHO CAN'T EVEN PICK UP A PICK



UH, I'M GETTING AMBUSHED, NO FUCKING SHIT



OH LOOK, ALREADY TWO OF MY DWARVES DIED. FUCK YOU GUYS.



SHIT, NOW THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL A BATTLE



AND THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL A BATTLE THAT YOU LOSE.
...
FUCK.
OKAY, FUCK THAT PLACE. I PLAN TO MOVE ONTO A DIFFERENT DANGEROUS TERRITORY, BECAUSE TOO MANY CORPSES AND SHIT LITTER THAT PLACE NOW.

OH, RIGHT, ALMOST FORGOT SOMETHING. SINCE KNUTOR WANTS HIS ARMOK-DAMNED REPORTS SO MUCH, HERE'S THE BATTLE AGAINST MR. I CAN'T EVEN PICK UP A PICK'S EVIL FUCKING SKELETON. ENJOY.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[chaosgear]

HOLY FREAKING ARMOK THIS THREAD IS SO DWARFLY I CAN'T FREAKING STAND IT.

[knutor]

Thanks Cole.  That dorf went shaolin on his undead ass!  The recruit takes the drunken master stance and quickly jabs...  Thats awesome.  Third light blue paragraph, in Report.

[RedMageCole]

WELL, TODAY I THOUGHT WAS GONNA START OUT PRETTY DAMN GOOD.



LOOK AT THAT. COLD AND TERRIFYING. EXTRA CHALLENGE, EXTRA FUN.



IT LOOKS LIKE A DECENT LINEUP I GUESS.



ALRIGHT, START GETTING AN UNDERGROUND FORTRESS.



HERE'S THE BASE. IT LOOKS PRETTY FUCKING GOOD.



AND LOOK AT THAT! ALL THE FUCKING DWARVES ARE WORKING EXCEPT THE WOODCUTTERS! EXCEPT LITTLE DID I KNOW EVERYTHING ELSE WAS GONNA GO DOWN THE SHITTER



THESE FUCKING KANGAROOS. I USED TO LOVE KANGAROOS WHEN I WAS A DWARVEN CHILD, BUT NOW, I FEEL LIKE KICKING A KANGAROO IN THE FACE. TWICE. THESE KANGAROOS DO NOT FUCK AROUND, I SWEAR TO GOD. THEY RAPED THE FUCK OUT OF ME.



THERE THOSE FUCKERS ARE. I HATE THOSE FOUR.



I KNEW THOSE FUCKERS WOULDN'T BE A JOKE, SO I IMMEDIATLY JUST GOT A MINIATURE MEETING HALL STARTED UP.



BLAH BLAH BLAH I DON'T CARE WHAT STONES I GET UNLESS IT'S ADAMANTINE WHICH I NEVER FUCKING FIND ANYWAYS



OKAY, CHANGE OF PLANS. I DUG OUT A SMALLER MEETING HALL TO MEET UP WITH THE BIGGER ONE, BUT I DECIDED THE BIGGER ONE IS GONNA BE A MINE.



OH, LOOK, THE KANGAROOS CLAIM THEIR FIRST FUCKING VICTIM



JUST KILL HIM YOU PUSSY



...WOW, HE GOT FUCKED UP BAD BY THAT KANGAROO. AND I SHOULD MENTION, I PUT IN A HIGH DODGER SKILL FOR ALL MY DWARVES. FUCKING USELESS.



AND IT ENDED WITH KANGAROO SHIT ALL OVER HIS FUCKING FACE.



JUST STOP FUCKING DIGGING THE OUTSIDE, JUST STAY INDOORS



NO, YOU FUCKING RETARDS, I SAID STAY INSIDE! NOT GO OUTSIDE TO SNORT DWARVEN BEER



OH, LOOK, THERE YA GO, NOW YOU GUYS ARE FUCKED

...

OKAY, THEY GOT INSIDE. MAYBE I'LL HAVE A CHANCE TO LIV-



HOLY FUCKING SHIT HE GOT INSIDE WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHA



...I NEVER REALIZED HOW MUCH FUN DWARF FORTRESS COULD BE.

NO REALLY, THIS IS INSANE. I'VE NEVER DIED THIS MUCH.

ALSO, NO UPDATE TOMORROW, I GOTTA GO TO A FUCKING AWESOME DWARVEN PARTY.

[Eisenritter]

THAT SAID SINISTER YOU NON-DWARF

[SRD]

I'd love to watch a let's play if you made one... It would be like jefmajors except screaming.. and havoc.

[RedMageCole]

EISENRITTER DO YOU EXPECT ME TO PAY ATTENTION TO EVERY LITTLE DETAIL YOU ELF

AND SRD IF I WOULD I COULD BUT SADLY I'M LIVING WITH A BUNCH OF ELVES THAT HATE SCREAMING.

[SRD]

Aww, would be nice..

It would be like, Let's Play Dwarf Fortress Part 1 - Starting out
                      Let's Play Dwarf Fortress Part 2 - Starting out
                      Let's Play Dwarf Fortress Part 3 - Starting out

[Orange Wizard]

THE ONLY POINTS SPENT WERE ON A PICK AND A PLUMP HELMET

By Armok! I am starting that right now!