So I had a good gulp of this cheap-ass white wine that came in a blue bottle (I thought it would be a cooler, but I can't read Japanese yet
), several good gulps of this single-malt whiskey, and part of a vodka triple. Reaching the water bottle on my desk now takes concerted effort, as does spelling properly. Time to start.
I think someone saved this game with a texture pack, because the walls are screaming at me.
"ääääääääääääääääääääääää"
"ȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃȃ"
"èèèèèèèèèèèèèèèèèèèèèèèè"
"ïïïïïïïïïïïïïïïïïïïïïïïïïïï"
I didn't write that thing at the bottom, I swear.
Okay so let's take a loor around through alcohol-tinted glasses
Kaliche and Kaliche are still dead, Armok rest their souls
There's a quarrey or something near the farms... maybe it's for draining water away. I dunno.
Whoa geez the underground screams even worse, so much AAAAAAAAAAA
Hey, I found a magma crab
LOL THE VOLCANO HAS CRABS what a slut
As soon as I unpaused the game, all of the militias were activated. Can't figure why. I'll just follow them for a sec...
Oh, it's training time I guess. Sure... roll with it.
Man, how do we have so may dwarves? We were in a tantrum spiral last I saw. I guess wall the original dwarfes died and now all the new ones don't know them or something.
Wait, what the hell is going on here?
Stairways flooded with magma?
A layer up, there's a bunch of 1x3 bridges...
down below, it's flooded with magma and seems to be in the shape of... well I dunno but it's deliberate. A colliseum maybe. WTF?
Someone sucs at their job.
'Nother gulp o' whiskey. Straight, of course, because I don't know what to mix whiskey with. And I'm too far drunk to go buy mix anyway.
Orite, gotta check the booze stockpiles... Hey, we have some this time? Good job, previous overseers!
Hey, I remember this cave. Why isn't the lake walled off? FIX IT
I have chosen to make our only blacksmith into myself. The previous two of me both died in short order, but I called them "Kaliche". If I call myself Shoruke, nothing can go wrong.
You know you; read too much ttropes when you see this and youre like
"I'm totally about to die" or get nuked or something
I thought this was drunk fortress? Where's the death? Where's the screwed-upness? Where is the random staricases flooded with magma?
Wait... I saw one of those. Uh. Well. Basically I thought we'd be doing worse than this. If we all die on my tur, I totally called it.
Winter's here! Not a damn thing happened. Time to drink alcohol. Ahh yes... nothing like triple-vodkas with coke to make the numbness more nomb.
Hmm... well if everything is going great then everything is boring. Time to mix it up by... exploring the caverns! Or I could build a magma-killsat tower. No, not enough time... caverns it is!
Yes I know I just finished sealing those off, AGAIN. Bite me I'm the overseer I do what I whant
and I do it while eating Japanese strawberry KitKats and drinking single malt whiskey straight from the bottle cuz I roll like that
Whoa, miners that do something. ANother indication I need to screw soemthing up to make everythig ☼fun‼ again.
sorry, ‼fun‼. mental note, fire is 19. That's... AScii coeds. I'm a progremmaer.
(reads that line) you know what I'm drunk screw off
WHOA HEY CALLED IT
guess what just happened while I was typing all that stuff about ‼fun‼
In the words of Awesome Fortress 2, GET THAT MOTHERFUCKER
/....oh they did it on their own
took me like five minutes to figure that out
For a sec there I thought she had just dissaptrereadred
FUCK how do you spell that
xlearly I am not drunk enough to spell dissappeered
*drinks vod coke*
hmm I dint think that sright weither
anyway teh weregeckos dead
OH SHIT do we ghave enough graves
we have spare sarcophpagi but they arent set up
so... set em up
and dig more grave space
dig faster you sunbitch youre a dwarf
NO dont stop at the corner fuck
dumbass dwarves
I usually don't like theat messagt spam when you dig into a new cavern and the game is like "you struck all the thinkgs"
but just now that feels so awesome
look at me striking all the things
mm everthing feels numb... dtime to stop drinking? LOL NOPE time for another vodkcoke
took me three minutes to figure out I put my vocdkea on the desk, lol
then ist took me a inute to find my coke because it put it in the freezer part of my minifridge instead of the fridge part to cool it vfafster
it wasnt frozen so it worked lol
o btw we're down to 54 dwarves. We had more than 60 befoe I think.
GFUCK I M DEAD WAGASNI?!?
thtat's like that third time
Okay fine I'll gofor a fourth one
SO HELP ME ONE OF THESE FUCKERS WILL LIVE
my name isnt wcuresred I sear it
HEY YOU. GUY.. mister top of thie list. Miner. You're me now.
Do you see what i did there
I made him a cursed to die person so that he's unjiinxed because I called it
I think I have a better explanation for that when I'm not drunk
CLEARLY I NEED MORE DRUN
*vodkcodkoe*
whew I ust be pretty drunk, usually I don't like alcohol but this tuff is great
An animal has grown into a stary boar
well that's not acceptable he should be food by now
BUTCHER ALL THIE HTINGS
wait hmm i wonder if some of them are valuable
nah
food
WAIT WHAT what is wolverine doing here
he's Canadian he's supposed to be a nice dude like the rest of us
wow fuck this wolverine he's fast
outrinning the military like yolo utuhafuckas
whoa, I just used an apostrohpe. Time for a trdrink. *glug*
man how tdid this wolverine get into the fort seruouisly it runs like a bitch from everytihng
well it's gone now. I don't know if its dead or ran away but the militrayr is back to rtracing or wahtever so good job previous overseer you are way better aret the militrary screen than i am
DO YOU KNOW WHAT
doesn't amtmter if I'm dtoo drunk to make it work
we need a tower
don't call me a hippie thi tower will be awesome
made of bosidian and full o f magma
to kill people with
gonna be so boss
(now how do I build a pump stack again)
whatever hwe have a volcano so half the pumping is done walready right/!?
hmm we dont have much metal though and we need screw pups to make a tower
lol "scre" pumps
anyway we need more metal
so... digging? Undergoround. Far underground where there's matel. And we need more miners.
okay you gem poeople and you hunting people that don't hunt. You'e miners now. And someone mkae more pickasxes out of everything.
Scruffy is missing btw. Not my fault. Blame the geckos.
WILL YOU ALL STOP BITCHING ABOUT THE PLUMBP HELMTP SPAWN SRERIOUSLY
chirst even the children
can children even plant seeds? like shut up
oh hey do you know what
I should put people in those graves htat I set up
might heplp
one of the alpacas starvesd. It was probably going to be butchered anywa yso... no leoss right?
someone gave birth. Whoa. Who can get it up in this fortress seriously? It's like surrounedd by tdeath and stuff.
I just watche d someone fail to pickup a rock because they were too scared off all the corpses whow do you people have sex seriously
and another one. Babies jusst kinda appear. randomly
Hmm... that little hut on ground level near the river. Enemie could just walk in. I should probably fortirfy that, but it's so convenitent. So... I don't know how to close it off without just digging aa channel on this side of it. So... I'll leave the security breach to someone else. Worst case scenario wae have a militaia, HWAT THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPNE
... lol I just said that. We're all gonna die.
Someone got a fey mood! It was one of the gem people. HEY I TOLD YOU TO GO MINE WHAT ARE YOU GOIDNG
...he's just stanidng there like a derp lol.
someone give him a craftsdwarofves dshop. Or maybe a gem shop. I dunno.
he wanted a ge shop. when I built it he took it over, picked up one gem from the ground, and was like OKAY IM DOING IT
THIS IS ME DOING IT BICTHCES LOOK
with one gem
sure okay guy whatever gets you there
well that was fast
took him like 5 seconds to JUST DO HIS GOODDAMN JOB
whoa dude theat jem is worth 4800 hundred dollas
you could buy a house in skyrim tfor that much
THE WALLS ARE STILL LIKE AAAAAAAAAA
...what was I doing agin
oh yeah the caverns
some hammer lord is really attached to his iron shield. I have rneamesd him captin america
wait right I had to go mine for mateal for... the tower! WHoa, I just linked two thoughts together. Drink!
"hmm everything is numb i should stpo drinking"
LOL NOPE iever time I think i need to stop i need to take a drink
it's in the rules of me. MOAR VOVDOKE
I think this vodcoke had less vodka than the others ones. we must fix this with more fovdka.
why did someone designeate this random section of cave to get mined when noone gcan get there
...it sure is a pretty bit of cave though. all those colours
well we're still not going there the tdwarvfes will start mining and get eatner
what are you all horrified at
what, the corpses?
sheesh youre dwarves deal with it
i ean, i know I wouldn't be able to eat with a corpse like RIGHT THERE
ut I'm usually not as drunk aws a dewarf
and they're just hualing stuff what's the big deal
I woder if I should amke a pasture for all these starving animals
and become like, god of the animals
OOH I COULD BE NOAH
sounds annoying though
mlemlle think about it
sure I'll put the spasture right on this whill WIAT
there's a giant mantis
he must die frist
HOLY FUCK THESE FUCKERS FLY
and didstract people
how do we deal with this agian? Umm marksdwarves I think
ijat
what lol
I mean okay
so I put the pasture on that hill and I put the marksdwarves on that hill
wherll there's a squad called arbalists and I put them there so I hope thyre all amrskdsdwarvffves
HEY LOOK the elves are heere
free food lol
broker is resting so anyone can steal from the elves
it'll be fun lol
look will you all shut up about the manstises they're just bugs the military is right there it'll all be fine okay I'l rtrying to steal from the elves just gimme a sec
...ijomg I can't read this shit
okay. THis is gonna tkae a lot of focus.
...pffffft
yeah you fucking right you can't stop me
I kinda just took things at random
but I hink I ingeored most of the crappy wood armor and I think I got all the fruits so its okay
LOOK WILL YOU SERIOUSLY SHUT UP ABOUT SPLUMP HELMOET SPAWN
I don't care okay? we have lots of fruit it deosnet' matter
how are the masntises intrererrupting peoples sleep seriously they're still outside right? Yes I checked
and there's troglogdgyetes
and they caves are all like AAAAAAAA
and the grass outsdie is like ......U.....U......U
shit's ewerid, yo
lol for a sec I was like "why is there an e wandering areoungd"
and then I looked at it
and the game was like "bublmrelbee worker"
because it's a bumbelBEE do you get it
WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP ABOUT THESE GIANT MASNTISES
like I undrerstrand they're probably really scary and freakyd looking
but they're just flying around not giving a fuck, jjsut ignore them
you don't even need to trade at the deopt anymore anyway
THERE'S MIGRANTS
wow, a chance to make there be more dwarves than I started out with
...that sentenc ewas really hard to make. I had to start it before I could figure out how to write the alst part of it. I must be drunk.
TIME FOR MORE RDRINGKING
GUPLP
okay let's see these suns of bitches
(where the fuck are they)
okay so
normally I don't like hunters
but everything's going okay so go ahead and do your thing
and... work metal
and the wrest of you can just... do random things that I tell you doto to... FUCK. to. do.
WE DO NEOJT NEED MORE TRADERS WE HAVE 3
what? this person likes flying oprah. that's a pretty specific fetish
I want to know why so many novice fish dissectors are showing up.
"it was a mandatory class in high school and after that I just sat around and played video games for a few years and then I moved here"
ya fuckers. Go minde some stone like a real dwarf
we don't have a CMD? yokay that milkaer with novice surgernon he gets to be the uy in charge of the hopsdiltal now.
I wonder if we have a hospital
too busy edealing with noob dowrfs to check
just assingeing poeple to the third wswuatd if they have decent military skills
yes I know its only for marsksdwarves but all the amor skills help think
and now there's a ghost haunting the fortress. screw off...
SUCK GRAVES MOTHERFUCKER
just as soon as sommeone gets around to gdgiings them out
YES PERFRECT WE'LL SEND THE LEGENDARY GEM PERSON DTO DIG GRAVES
WELCOME TO DRUNK FORTRESS
YEAH SEE screw you ghost I knwew all we needed was more graves
fthknkas for the reminded r I guess but screw you
WHOA DUDE where did we even get 48 spare graves from
I mean... those things we make graves from
scrarphogir or something
Ugh... I'm out. I only got throuhg half a year, but if I ckeep going I'm going to seriously hurt myself. Gimme a sec to finish the graves and upload the save.
Here have a thingIf it doesn't work just post and I'll check in the moringing. Or the day after or something. Whooooa.
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Topic: !!DRUNK FORTRESS!! [We Hath Become Death, the Destroyers of Worlds] (Read 1239836 times)