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[kahn1234]

Retreat and wait until hallway is clear ( as swords are no good against stone....) and then follow the rest of the group onwards.

[flame99]

Use Push to try to get the golem jammed in the hallway at an angle we should still be able to get through.

[USEC_OFFICER]

Cast Summon Ancestral Spirits, and send them to stop the golem.

With a mighty call you summon your ancestral spirits. They come grumbling, but you're still a relative and so they quickly move to help.

[15] Individually your ancestors are not very strong or beefy (especially cousin Ned...), but as a group the spirits easily manage to stop the golem in its tracks.

Attack the golem from the side

Deciding to forgo this entire pun-based shtick for now, you just charge at the golem with your bear hands claws.

[AUTOSUCCESS] The golem occupies the entire hallway and thus is far too large to attack from the side. So you'll just have to be content with gouging its face out. 1 damage

Yell some pirate-sounding stuff and throw something at the golem.

You mumble something pirate-sounding under your breath, not because you can't think of anything, but because you're clearly too busy preparing for the most important throw of your life. Yeah...

[AUTOSUCCESS] Grabbing the first thing in your pack, you chuck it at the golem with all the force of your mighty seaman's arms. 1 damage

Admittedly some flint and tinder shouldn't do so much damage, but meh. Rules are rules, I guess.

Face golem.

ABOUT. FACE.

Grab pants, bend over and pull down, exposing rear to golem.

HOW'S THIS FOR PIRATE BOOTY!?

[2] Sea-Wolf is quite interested in your pirate booty, but the golem is not. Probably something to do with that whole 'being made of stone' thing. Or maybe because it's an elephant and isn't attracted to that kind of thing. Who knows?

Razdak takes a nibble of his Barovian Roquefort in celebration of a job well done.

Such a finer cheese cannot be found for such a fine job. Ah... delicious.

Sit in a corner waiting until the hallway is safe again (or more correctly until all visible traps are gone.

You twiddle your thumbs. Ho-hum. You do have throwing knives, you know.

Yay, consciousness!
I'm going down the manhole thingy, searching for traps and secret doors as I go.

Finally!

[15 + 5] With all indications showing that the manhole is safe, you cautiously open it finding...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A set of stairs descending into a crawl space.

[12 + 5] Being prodded by the GM On your own initiative, you cautiously proceed down the crawlspace, looking for traps/doors all the while but finding none in such a nondescript place. The crawlspace continues for about 90 more feet before ending in another staircase, similar to the first. Steeling your nerves, you cautiously climb the stairs to find yourself...

...

In another bloody hallway. Admittedly it's different from the one before. The walls, floor and roof are all made out of the same hard stone, cut to almost impossible straightness. At regular intervals someone has drilled out holes for torch sconces, though the holes are completely empty. Using the holes as a rough guide, you estimate that the hallway continues for 20 more feet before turning to the right.

FIREBALLS! Burn the stone!

Can fire burn stone? Probably. But are your fireballs hot enough to do so?

[1] Yeah, I thought so too. Your fireball splashes harmlessly off the golem's exterior, doing nothing more than giving Claw a few singed hairs. Claw replies to your inadvertent attempt at teamkilling with a witty and no-doubt awesome pun. Of course the GM isn't good enough at wordplay to make one up on the spot, so you'll just have to use your imagination, okay?

Retreat and wait until hallway is clear ( as swords are no good against stone....) and then follow the rest of the group onwards.

You challenge Cairn to a thumb-twiddling contest, seeing as the golem is still blocking the passageway and probably will continue to do so for some time. Of course, being a Rogue, Cairn easily wins. Curses.

Use Push to try to get the golem jammed in the hallway at an angle we should still be able to get through.

[10] The golem resists all your attempts to jam it, mostly because it's rollers are almost the width of the entire hallway. Yeah, I have no clue how it goes around corners either. Magic, probably.

Speaking of the golem, it's now its turn, isn't it?

Seeing Claw in front of it, trying to gouge out its face, the golem charges foward to reduce him to paste.

...

Of course the golem is still held back by Malaken's ancestors and Karnii's push spell and does nothing more but ruin the floor. However it does manage to shake off most of the spirits (especially that whimp Ned), and Karnii's Push spell can't last forever...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Brave Adventurers (click to show/hide)

Name: Tybar Whurthic
Player: Azthor
Gender: Male
Class: Fighter

HP: 3/3

Items: mining equipment, waterskins (water), rations, torch



Name: Midna
Player: Solifuge
Gender: Female
Class: Ranger (Fighter)
Race: Dwarf

HP: 3/3

Weapons: Flaming Axe (+2 Fire), Brace of Handaxes, Mirror Shield
Armour: Ringmail, Goggles of Nothingness

Items: Torch, Smokesticks, Map, Ganderson Thugsley (Badass Goose), Booze



Name: Tank
Player: killerhellhound
Gender:
Class: Fighter
Race: Minotaur

HP: 3/3

Weapons: Battle Axe/Throwing Axes (5 Axes)
Armour: Orkish Steal(en?) Armour, Dwarven Shield.

Items: Steak, Spare Axes (5 Axes), Rope, Torches, Scroll of Ethereal Walk, Scroll of See Invisibility, Healing Potion



Name: Nikolai L'Carpetron
Player: Tsuchigumo550
Gender: Male
Class: Fighter
Race: Kitsune

HP: 3/3

Weapons: Fancy Two-handed Sword
Armour: Leather Pants, "L'Carpetron" Nametag

Items: Brimstone torch, a striker, Leather Pants, 50 GP, 2 Sapphires


Name: Claw
Player: Akhier the Dragon hearted
Gender: Male
Class: Fighter

HP: 3/3

Weapons: Mutated Bear Hands, Puns

Items: None


Name: Sea-Wolf
Player: rabidgam3r
Gender: Male
Class: Pirate (Fighter)

HP: 3/3

Weapons: Cutlass with Ivory Handle
Armour: Fancy clothes, Over-Sized Tricorn.

Items:Ten-Foot Rope, Bottle of Booze, Parrot Named Beaky.


Name: Kira
Player: kahn1234
Gender: Female
Class: Valkyrie (Fighter)

HP: 3/3

Weapons: Steel Hand-and-a-Half Sword, Steel Round Shield
Armour: Steel Plated Battle Lingerie

Items: Lamp, Lamp oil, Flint and tinder, Rope, Rations and water for 1 week.



Name: Kazard McDermeth
Player: Zako
Gender: Male
Class: Rogue

HP: 2/2

Weapons: Short Sword/Crossbow (27 bolts)
Armour: Studded Leather

Items: Rope, Gem of Trueseeing, Torches, Ten Foot Pole


Name: Karas Sirenna UNIT-003
Player: Kestel_6
Gender:
Class: Rogue

HP: 2/2

Weapons: Rapier/Hand Crossbow (30 Bolts)

Items: Rope



Name: Hanslandia
Player: Hanslanda
Gender: Female
Class: Rogue

HP: 2/2

Weapons: Short Sword/Short Bow (29 arrows)
Armour: Studded Leather Armour, Stylish Black Hood

Items: Grappling Hook on Rope, Assorted Thievery Kit, Gold Purse (59 GP), 3 Viper Statues


Name: Cairn
Player: Zacen299
Gender: Male
Class: Rogue

HP: 2/2

Weapons: Arming Sword, Dagger/Throwing Knives (24 Knives)
Armour: Leather Armour, Large Cloak Fully Able to Wrap around his Body.

Items: 10 foot pole


Name: Wall II
Player: greymountain_Sage
Gender: Male
Class: Rogue Trap Roomba

HP: 2/2

Weapons: Throwing Knives (12 Knives)

Items: Grappling hook on a rope, Lantern



Name: Gramjir
Player: Lich180
Gender: male
Class: mage

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Silver Mace/Wizards Staff (20 charges)
Armour: Silver Chainmail

Spells: Cure Wounds, Dispel Magic, Frostbolt, Ethereal Walk, Feather Fall

Items: Food/Drink for a week, torch



Name: Dr. Malpracteece
Player: Geen
Gender: male
Class: mage

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Dagger/Generic Wand of Ranged Killiness (20 charges)

Spells: Create Undead, Fire Wall, Detect Magic, Dispel Magic, Magic Missile

Items: Torch, Bottle of Oil



Name: Naj
Player: TaiwaneseRedneck
Gender: male
Class: mage

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Spiked Mace/Needle Crossbow (40 needles)
Armour: Red Mage Plate

Spells: Long Light (No one thought of this?), Lightning, Cause Wounds, Detect Invisibility, Remove Invisibility

Items:  Liquid Pitchblende, Rope



Name: Malaken
Player: Vorthon
Gender: Male
Class: Mage Shaman
Race: Tabaxi

HP: 1/1

Weapons: CudgelCeremonial Whoop-ass Stick, Pimp-Mummy Hand (+2 to hit, MUMMY ROT)/Blowgun (15 Darts)
Armour: Loincloth, Crown of +1 Badassery, Zombie Leather Rib-Jacket

Spells:  Summon Ancestral Spirits, Heal, Floating Light, Bane, Fireball

Items: Tribal Totem, Gold Pouch (169GP)


Name: Corvus
Player: Myroc
Gender: Male
Class: Mage

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Spear/Wand of Summon Pointy Implement (8 Charges)
Armour: Trenchcoat

Spells: Detect Magic, Light, Teleport, Stoneskin, Mage Hand

Items: 50ft Rope, Shaving Blade



Name: Razdak
Player: Kadzar
Gender: Male
Class: Shaman (Mage)
Race: Awakened Mouse

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Cuteness (25 D'awww)
Armour: Head Feather, Body Paint

Spells: Create Anvil, Anchor Objects, Animate Object, Gust of Wind, Dumbfire Magic Missile

Items: Barovian Roquefort


Name: Jake
Player: Scelly9
Gender: Male
Class: Mage

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Dagger of Stabbing/Wand of Mild Boils (30 charges)
Armour: Hat of Better Spells, Leather Chestpiece

Spells: Light, Spell of Mild Radiation, Fireball, Random Weather, Spell of Mild Explosiveness

Items: Spellbook


Name: Kadvega Montalka
Player: Anailater
Gender: Male
Class: Mage

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Spear
Armour: Chest Plate Armour

Spells: Fireball, Wild magic (Not any more!), Ethereal Walk, Feather Fall, Summon Bigger Fish

Items: 20 GP


Name: Karnii
Player: flameboy99
Gender: Male
Class: Mage

HP: 1/1

Weapons: Staff
Armour: Robe

Spells: Fireball, Detect Magic, Magic Missile, Push

Items: Poison Potion, Fire Potion

Spoiler: Potion Coffer (click to show/hide)

10 Healing Potions

See? I posted a turn without prodding! I'm getting back into the habit of being a not-terrible GM!

...

Okay, back into the habit of being a more punctual GM. Geez.

[Akhier the Dragon hearted]

   oh, darnit, I forgot to add in my pun for that one. Atleast i can use it now. I bear down on the golem and sideswipe it

[anailater]

“ I SHALL MELT STONE! ”
Melt stone!

[Tsuchigumo550]

GOLEM! DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE MY ASS!

Stab golem.

[Kadzar]

Without even looking up from his cheese, Razdak fires a Dumbfire Magic Missile at the golem.

[rabidgam3r]

Compose some pirate-y one-liners, then throw something else at the golem.

[flame99]

Suddenly become a cousin Ned and jump into the manhole, following Wall II.
Edit: Greatly urge everybody else to follow suit.

[greymountain_Sage]

I'm gonna continue down the hall, searching for traps and secret doors, following any turns in the passage, and only stopping when I come across traps, enemies, a branch in the path, or anything else that would seriously impede my progress(Sphere of annihilation, puzzle door, sheer drop, etc.)

[kahn1234]

Go down the manhole and explore.

[Vorthon]

Cast Bane on the Golem. Attempt to curse it with jammed rollers!

[zacen299]

Follow after Wall II.

[zacen299]

Welp wonder where USEC has gotten off to this time.

[GreatWyrmGold]

EDIT: By popular demand:

Can I join?

Of course! The more the merrier! Plus, given the death rate (high), anybody can join/re-join at any time, so you have no excuses not to!

Count me in.

Spoiler: Kenthokk (click to show/hide)

(Based on my first D&D character, ever)
Race: Half-orc
Gender: Male
Class: Barbarian (fighter)
Weapons: Greataxe, Longbow (composite)
All set to go?