Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

Yes

156 (42.6%)

No

17 (4.6%)

I have no opinion and prefer to select the zany "other" option on forum polls

193 (52.7%)

Total Members Voted: 364

[Drazinononda]

Wait, would Aperture !!!SCIENCE!!! be applicable here?

Only if the goblin is on fire.

[Mr S]

Wait, would Aperture !!!SCIENCE!!! be applicable here?

Only if the goblin is on fire.

This is relevant to my interests. 

[SuicideJunkie]

Incorrect. At the time of biting the horse may have been in other place.

OBJECTION!

I actually made sure that it wasn't just an old report that I was browsing through the siege. The goblin really was struggling to escape the grip of a horse that was many tiles away of it, also the screenshot has both the horse and the goblin flashing the way that creatures do when they're engaging each other in combat.

The report kept being updated with "goblin fails to escape the grip" until the horse left the map. It also did not manage to move at all until the horse left, which I recall is how creatures handle being bit-locked.

I'm pretty sure its because the horse isn't actually moving, and thus does not lose its wrestling grips.
Animals and drivers can be knocked unconscious too, and the wagon will keep on truckin'

So, really the horses are just there for show, the wagons are fully self-powered automotives...  With three dead man's switches linked to a self destruct device.

[HiEv]

I got a joke for this one ready already!

So the goblins arrive to siege during the traders still making their way to a depot, and an axeman charges a horse and says "Why the long faaorijdsanjkdshiaudhaaargh".

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The goblin was freed from the bite only when the horse left the map.

FYI, a similar bug has been seen with dwarves biting enemies while passing them on a minecart.  The hold remains in effect, even though the distance between the two becomes impossibly long.  You either end up with a phantom/telekinetic bite or really long teeth, depending on how you want to picture it mentally.

[Dwarfotaur]

I like to picture it as those joke teeth that clatter away by themselves, the dwarf/horse was using them as dentures when they latched on. Then the dentures slipped out but carry on biting anyway.

[Pie Maker]

So Urist Mc.Engraver is just strolling down a narrow passage connecting the first and second cavern layers on his mission to retrieve a caged bugbat. As he is about to go down a ramp, he is shocked to find a troglodyte in front of him, at the bottom of the ramp on the lower z-level. The troglodyte, seeing a potential dinner, attempts to claw and punch the engraver to death. The engraver, finally deciding to react, dodges an attack by jumping down onto the troglodyte, and hits it with enough force to send it sprawling along and hitting the floor before falling around 3 z-levels, shattering a few bones and passing out.

[ZeroSumHappiness]

You pressed z to get exact location?

He actually pressed it twice and got a barrel roll instead.

[NineFourEightSeven]

Both the Goblin and the Horse also have purple backgrounds, which means they're wrestling.

[Dante]

Distance wrestling. Two mystic warriors, locked in an intense mental battle; the first one to blink will explode in a shower of gore.

[GoombaGeek]

Fifty pages and still no offer to become a Bay12 Partner and receive ad revenue...

Here's So Many More Bad Reports

Code: [Select]

The live green tree frog strikes The Stray Kitten in the lower body, bruising the muscle and shattering the lower spine's bone!
The Stray Kitten slams into an obstacle!
The Stray Kitten's left rear leg takes the full force of the impact, bruising the bone!
The Stray Kitten's upper body takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and shattering the middle spine's bone!
The Stray Kitten's left eye tooth takes the full force of the impact and the severed part sails off in an arc!
The Stray Kitten's right front leg takes the full force of the impact, bruising the bone!
The Stray Kitten's lower body takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and bruising the left kidney!
The Stray Kitten's left front leg takes the full force of the impact, bruising the bone!
The Stray Kitten's fourth left front toe takes the full force of the impact, shattering the claw!
That's right, frog attack.  This damn cat has been crawling around my fort on it's front two paws because of the severed spine for the last 5 years.  I've named him "Lucky".

Later that week:

Code: [Select]

The live green tree frog strikes The Woodcutter in the head, bruising the muscle, jamming the skull through the brain and tearing the brain!
The Woodcutter has been knocked unconscious!
Tun Lelumdod˘k, Woodcutter has been killed by a flying object.
^DUN DUN _DUN!  "Frog 2 - The Froginating"

They spent ages preparing for their expedition. The moment they get there, snow syndrome paralyzes and suffocated them all to death. At the same time.

I still don't know who originally posted this, but it's still my all-time favorite injury:

I tore out a mans skull. Strangely, he survived. I went on my merry way, certain he wouldn't survive LOSING HIS SKULL.

He did. I found him some time later, with a "Massive round scar" on his head. And no skull.

NO SKULL.

No report, but draw a bogeyman bashing a human adventurer's head. (The head of adventurer also had a hole in it.)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Code: [Select]

The live green tree frog strikes The Stray Kitten in the lower body, bruising the muscle and shattering the lower spine's bone!
The Stray Kitten slams into an obstacle!
The Stray Kitten's left rear leg takes the full force of the impact, bruising the bone!
The Stray Kitten's upper body takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and shattering the middle spine's bone!
The Stray Kitten's left eye tooth takes the full force of the impact and the severed part sails off in an arc!
The Stray Kitten's right front leg takes the full force of the impact, bruising the bone!
The Stray Kitten's lower body takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and bruising the left kidney!
The Stray Kitten's left front leg takes the full force of the impact, bruising the bone!
The Stray Kitten's fourth left front toe takes the full force of the impact, shattering the claw!
That's right, frog attack.  This damn cat has been crawling around my fort on it's front two paws because of the severed spine for the last 5 years.  I've named him "Lucky".

Later that week:

Code: [Select]

The live green tree frog strikes The Woodcutter in the head, bruising the muscle, jamming the skull through the brain and tearing the brain!
The Woodcutter has been knocked unconscious!
Tun Lelumdod˘k, Woodcutter has been killed by a flying object.
^DUN DUN _DUN!  "Frog 2 - The Froginating"

I have to update this.  It's year 7.

There's been a tantrum spiral and 90% of the everything in the fort died.  But "Lucky" the two-legged cat is still around, and he just adopted a dying kid with one leg in the hospital.

I sense a Disney channel movie coming on. 

Edit:  Holy crap, the plucky youngster pulled through with the healing power of LOVE!
Screenie:

That's my smiley :U

Also this:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It's worth more than the rest of the map put together, possibly a large portion of the world even. I only stopped there because I ran out of metal and wanted to work on other projects.

Over 2000 metal bars went into this artifact. Notice its weight.

I just remembered something that happened in a previous fort of mine. It's not a "report" per se, but I think this might be somewhat funny to draw. I was having some trouble setting up a range for my marksdwarves so, despite them saying they were "going to archery practice", they were just sitting on the booze drinking all day with full armour and equipment.

So, my Administrator was taken by a FEY mood. He needed stuff we did not have and we had a caravan, but I was sure it was too late. So I decided to crush him and the craftsdwarf workshop. He was crushed to death. I found his corpse by mining the collapse site. It was full of quarztite coating. He was BADLY crushed. No reports, the game sadly didn't make it in a report tho

I got a joke for this one ready already!

So the goblins arrive to siege during the traders still making their way to a depot, and an axeman charges a horse and says "Why the long faaorijdsanjkdshiaudhaaargh".

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The goblin was freed from the bite only when the horse left the map.

THE SHADOW INDICATES HE'S FLOATING

So Urist Mc.Engraver is just strolling down a narrow passage connecting the first and second cavern layers on his mission to retrieve a caged bugbat. As he is about to go down a ramp, he is shocked to find a troglodyte in front of him, at the bottom of the ramp on the lower z-level. The troglodyte, seeing a potential dinner, attempts to claw and punch the engraver to death. The engraver, finally deciding to react, dodges an attack by jumping down onto the troglodyte, and hits it with enough force to send it sprawling along and hitting the floor before falling around 3 z-levels, shattering a few bones and passing out.

So, 50 pages.
That's a lot!
To show your undying appreciation, buy me something cool. OR ELSE!

And I know some people aren't willing to make five separate downloads for a bunch of dumb pictures, so here's 50 Pages of Bad! It even includes a bonus! See if you can find it.

[They Got Leader]

I love what you do, Goomba. It is fantastic.

[kingubu]

Awesome!  Thanks!

[Bigheaded]

the 2 legged happy cat is just amazing.

This thread makes me too happy.

[vadia]

could you draw the diety  named "the mahogany turquoise"

I can't concieve of it.

[Drazinononda]

could you draw the diety  named "the mahogany turquoise"

I can't concieve of it.

This is an artifact deity. All craftstoadship is of the highest quality. On the item is an image of turquoises in mahogany. On the item is an image of mahogany trees in turquoise. The object menaces with spikes of mahogany and turquoise.