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[Kaiserr]

So thinking tonight,I decided to make a thread.
Not just any thread,no,I decided to make a thread devoted to the brutality & epicosity that IS Dwarf Fortress.
I myself don't remember many stories and can't get DF to work on my computer right now,but I do remember something about one of my ghost beekeepers coming back and strangling an ex-Goblin siege veteran militia commander while he was in the hospital with both eyes gone and 4 fingers lost.

[GoombaGeek]

I had a trade depot with an elf-mergency drawbridge over the only exit. Sure enough, in spring an elven caravan rolls by, and Urist McMechanic pulls the lever. Three months later, the trapped elves both went berserk at the same time. What followed was an eye-gouging splinter-creating goods-destroying mighty duel to the death, eventually won by... a water buffalo that they had brought to the depot themselves, sowing the seeds of their own destruction. It kicked through both their skulls near-simultaneously, severing their filthy elf brains in two. The water buffalo was freed and given the Honorary Dwarf Seal of Elf-Killing Approval.

[Kaiserr]

I had a trade depot with an elf-mergency drawbridge over the only exit. Sure enough, in spring an elven caravan rolls by, and Urist McMechanic pulls the lever. Three months later, the trapped elves both went berserk at the same time. What followed was an eye-gouging splinter-creating goods-destroying mighty duel to the death, eventually won by... a water buffalo that they had brought to the depot themselves, sowing the seeds of their own destruction. It kicked through both their skulls near-simultaneously, severing their filthy elf brains in two. The water buffalo was freed and given the Honorary Dwarf Seal of Elf-Killing Approval.

That.Is.AWESOME!

Keep it up guys,hopefully this thread can become well known and the center of all epic moments.

 

EDIT:Booting up DF,or atleast trying.

[Xerillum]

In my last DF2010 fort, I started Operation It's My Magma and I Need it Now, a project to build a pump stack to bring magma to two massive silos straddling the entrance to my fort. Eventually it was nearing FPS Death, so I resolved to go out in the Dwarfiest way I could think of. I sacrificed all of the goblin prisoners I had in the Temple of Armok, sealed my epic miner (who had broken every bone in his body at least once due to cave-ins) into a small room with a lever, and assembled all the rest in the meeting area.

Then I pulled the lever. Every door on the magma silos opened, destroying the landscape and flooding the entire fortress. I was able to watch for a while before the magma melted down the door to the safe room and the fortress ended. RIP Breedcrypt.

[Kaiserr]

In my last DF2010 fort, I started Operation It's My Magma and I Need it Now, a project to build a pump stack to bring magma to two massive silos straddling the entrance to my fort. Eventually it was nearing FPS Death, so I resolved to go out in the Dwarfiest way I could think of. I sacrificed all of the goblin prisoners I had in the Temple of Armok, sealed my epic miner (who had broken every bone in his body at least once due to cave-ins) into a small room with a lever, and assembled all the rest in the meeting area.

Then I pulled the lever. Every door on the magma silos opened, destroying the landscape and flooding the entire fortress. I was able to watch for a while before the magma melted down the door to the safe room and the fortress ended. RIP Breedcrypt.

Awe-inspiring yet heartbreaking,I like it.

[krenshala]

Not quite as much epicosity as that Bull of Elf-slaying, but its close in my opinion (considering the typical civilian dwarf).

From the records of Zaneglektad (Reliclures)

16 Moonstone 1001 (1st year since embark)

Another goblin snatcher was discovered in the entranceway.  Before he could escape the now alerted militia training just ahead of him, however, he was shot in the upper body by the hunter Tulon Vutokorstist. The snatcher then ran down the ramp and almost straight into the arms of a second hunter, Rimtar Tathtatiteb.¹ Rimtar shoots at him but her shot is batted out of the air by the apparently skilled goblin, who proceeds to flee a few tiles north to the only bridge across the river.²

Rimtar's second bolt, however, finds its mark in the goblin's left hand, knocking the large silver dagger from his grasp. Her third bolt strikes him in the left leg just as he reached the far bank of the river. Her next bolt his his right leg.

The thief passes out, then regains consciousness and runs up the hillside to escape Rimtar's (highly inaccurate) crossbow fire, but Tulon and the militia are after him now as well.

As the goblin reaches the top of the slope above the bridge, Tulon looses another shot at him, as does Rimtar. As the bolts fly in, Kivish Romeketur, one of our milkers out gathering plants, is surprised (interrupted) by the goblin and punches him in the kidney area.  Both bolts miss their target.

This doesn't deter Kivish, however, who proceeds to punch the goblin in the head, then the chest knocking the wind out of him. Next she grabs him by a toe, but drops him when the goblin punches her arm.

Her next punch hits the goblin's lower body, then she grabs his toe again. She proceeds to smash a fist into his right lower leg, avoid a counter attack, and kick the goblin in the lower body. Another punch to the left leg is followed by avoiding yet another attack from the goblin, then a punch to his right upper arm. She attempts to grab his tongue next, but only bruises his cheek.

Suddenly, one of the wildly flying bolts from the two hunters strikes the goblin in the leg, causing the goblin to pass out from pain. Kivish, immediately and without any apparent forethought, drives her right fist through his skull, killing him before he could even fall over.

Kivish did all that before I could drafter her into my militia. I, of course, have made her a soldier for no other reason than to see what other bad-assery she can show me.


¹ Rimtar Tathtatiteb, Hunter, is actually a 250-ish year old vampire with about two thousand kills, and I just hadn't gotten around to figuring out what I was going to do with her.  She killed a woodcutter a short while after this, and is currently serving out a 200 day sentence in a jail cell without an exit (unless I remove the iron bars).
² Fortress entrance in the middle, river flows north, then north east up and round the fort to end up going west and off the map. The bridge is just west of the only entrance into the small section I've walled off with a wooden pallisade, as I expect undead soon.

[Langolier]

Had a very tiny two space pit area that was supposed to kill the creatures I dropped down it, but I didn't take into account water would cushion the damage and I guess it wasn't quite high enough. Anyway, I tossed a disarmed goblin, two bobcats, and a dingo down there. Evidently they did not care all that much for each other's company, because a huge fight broke out. It was probably more epic the way I imagined it - four creatures just losing their marbles in a space about as big as a small bathroom, and flooded at that. 

[Matazat]

Got a "siege" of 5 zombies during my first summer when I had no defenses ready. All 5 zombies immediately started chasing after the camel I had pastured on the surface, which gave me time to get some cage traps ready. The camel, being slighty faster than the zombies, outran them for two whole seasons before being cornered on a tiny peninsula in a murky pool. The camel kicked 3 of the zombies in their heads, killing them instantly and allowing the camel enough room to escape the other 2. It bolted straight for my fortress and the zombies were caught in my cage traps, ending the siege.

I ended up accidentally dropping the camel down my entrance moat a few seasons later. Oops.

[Eldestish]

Had a fort with 40-50 kids doing nothing usefull, Then I learned about atom smashers, Then the fort went into a tantrum spiral.....

[Oaktree]

I was writing up fortress history to amuse a friend who doesn't play DF.  So, some extra bits added for flavor...

Grand Master Mason Lokum Adilibel, one of the founders of Ok Okbod heads to work in the Depot Tunnel.  Entrance #2 has gotten a new gate and the entrance area has been ordered roofed by the mayor.  As he turns into the northern extension to reach the new work area a shadowy figure jumps out at him.  GOBLIN!  Lokum staggers as the thief jams a silver dagger into his lower body and twists it.  He kicks clear of the goblin and stumbles south towards safety as more goblins emerge from hiding farther north in the tunnel .  Arrows start to clatter on the ramp behind him as he staggers to an alarm pull and then crawls onto the main tunnel level.   Lokum faints for a moment as the alarm tocsin starts to sound.

Coming to, Lokum starts to crawl eastward towards the fortress gate.  Two arrows strike him in the leg as the goblins archers come into sight again.  And their leader, a lanky goblin with a war hammer, approaches.  Lokum attempts to dodge the strikes but the goblin incessantly pounds on his arms and legs while easily deflecting his weak counterattacks.  The archers ignore him at this point and head down the tunnels looking for other dwarves.  The goblin leader laughs.

Lokum lurches to his feet and charges the goblin.  The attack misses, but they collide and goblin and dwarf collapse in a pile on the ground.  Lokum draws back and solidly punches the goblin in the center of the back.  The hammer goblin breaks clear and stands up, but he is certainly hurt.  He is also no longer laughing.  The nearby archers start firing again and Lokum is struck by half a dozen copper arrows.

The hammer goblin closes in to finish things off.  Lokum rolls into the goblin to avoid the attack and takes the opportunity to bite the goblin in the right leg and grab a solid hold on the left leg.  Their field of fire temporarily blocks the archers shift position.  The hammer goblin struggles to break free.

Lokum suddenly stands and starts shaking and swinging the hammer goblin about.  Two more arrows strike home, including one into the already serious lower body wound.  Undeterred, the goblin is shaken about a few more times and then tossed across the tunnel.  Exhausted, Lokum finally surrenders to the pain and collapses to the tunnel floor.  Before he passes out he gets the joy of watching the hammer goblin expire.  His first kill after twelve years in the fortress.

===

Twenty-two wounded areas in red status.  The dwarf survived, and then walked out of the hospital two months later wearing four casts, splints, and a pile of sutures.

[ledgekindred]

This was back in early .31 days, when combat was still sort of ... sketchy.

I had a small ambush and no military to speak of.  One of my dorfs got caught in a hallway by a speargoblin, who started stabbing her with his pointy stick.  The other goblins were running through my fort walking into traps and getting beat up by my hastily-assembled militia.  While the goblins were getting chased through the fort one by one and taken care of, I noticed that the speargoblin was still stabbing this poor dorf with his pointy stick. 

Short version:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This kept up for more than two seasons before my rag-tag military finally got around to taking care of the speargoblin.  She eventually died.  But I like to think of her as this dorf who was trying to bore the goblin to death by talking and talking and talking.  About this great new recipe for plump helmet stew, showing off engravings of her kids, what Uncle Urist did at the party last month, this sublime engraving of cheese she saw the other day, what a fine well the fort has, etc, etc, etc.  Meanwhile the goblin is going slowly mad listening to the constant droning and continues poking her with the pointy stick just to Make. Her. Shut. UP!

Notice in the description please that she is happy while being slowly poked to death.

[WellBredMutt]

Upon discovering that one of my newly-begun fortresses was sitting on a huge vein of iron ore, I sent my miners digging down looking for lava. Once I reached the second cavern, I noticed that not all of the cavern had been revealed by its excavation. I quickly drafted a few migrants into a second military squad, all of them untrained, and sent them down to a remote station in the caverns, hoping they would uncover a magma tube. I turned to take care of other matters and nearly forgot about the rookie squad... until the death messages started.

As it turned out, the three green dwarves had run into a troll in the cavern.  The two who saw it first died almost instantly.  I looked over the situation and decided that Bomrek, the last remaining dwarf, was a goner. He had no real military skill except a couple ranks in fighter, and he only had partial armor and an iron short sword. My skilled military squad wouldn't have time to reach him.  I unpaused and waited for his inevitable demise.

Well, apparently Bomrek was displeased about the troll killing his new friends.  He managed to sever the troll's arm and leg and ran after the bleeding thing, eventually stabbing it in the head. During the chase, he ran across a pack of about 12 crundles. He killed every. Goddamn. Crundle. He must have chased some of them all the way around the cavern before finishing them off, killing not one but two blind cave ogres in passing, like it was no big deal.

He is now a militia commander, gifted the first full-steel armor set and artifact shield to roll out of the forges.

[Kaiserr]

Oh darn,the thread died.

[GoombaGeek]

Oh darn,the thread died.

No, it was just sleeping.

[misko27]

Had a fort with 40-50 kids doing nothing usefull, Then I learned about atom smashers, Then the fort went into a tantrum spiral.....

ehh ha, That happened to me once. In a early fort, i saw a upcoming force of darkness, and decided to close the bridge. somehow three people manage to shove themselves in that space, as if they wanted to die.