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Author Topic: 500 Things about Wilderness survival that you learnt the hard way  (Read 42821 times)

Broseph Stalin

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Re: 100 Things about Wilderness survival that you learnt the hard way
« Reply #30 on: May 31, 2012, 06:36:10 am »

70. Sturgeon are real dicks
71. That turkey belongs to someone, leave that turkey alone.
72. You can either eat often or eat ALOT.

Dwarven WMD

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Re: 100 Things about Wilderness survival that you learnt the hard way
« Reply #31 on: May 31, 2012, 07:43:45 am »

73. Should you decide "Fuck the world!", get cheat engine, give yourself amazing and impossible stats, and go out to commit genocide, you will die.
74. Should you decided to attempt to be a paladin, once again get cheat engine, and once again give yourself amazing and impossible stats, you will die by something evil.
75. Should you decide to walk in a forest with cheated stats, that wolf will bite your head off the turn before it bleeds to death.
76. Townsfolk are incredibly stupid in that they will completely ignore the fact that you arrived at the same time as the zombie horde, the horde is acting friendly to you, and you aren't doing anything to save the town despite possibly having cheated in all of your stats, because no one is stupid enough to invest in grand-master reader while at the same time being smart enough to use a sword.
77. Attempting to impersonate Armok is surprisingly safe to do.

No really, to test various ideas out once, I used cheat engine to change the points I could allocate to my stats to 1000000. Cue a character with legendary everything. Then cue him getting killed by a goblin bandit somehow. Which proves that no matter how strong anything is on Dwarf Fortress is, if something can hit it in any way and it isn't a blob of acid, it has a chance of dying.
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The Russian throws Steiner into a chair, screaming "I do not care about genetic research!"
The Russian pulls out a M1911!
The Russian screams "I am Viktor Reznov! And I, will, have, my, REVENGE!"
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The Russian loses juice.

WisdomThumbs

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Re: 100 Things about Wilderness survival that you learnt the hard way
« Reply #32 on: May 31, 2012, 10:53:48 am »

78. Avoid getting hit at all costs. Unlike nearly everything else in Dwarf Fortress, you cannot tank damage. If you get hit even once, you'd better have some badass meatshields as companions.
79. Mortal Wounds generally aren't very mortal so long as you have enough Endurance to ignore a little lost breath. Unless, of course, it's causing Pain, and then you're just all kinds of screwed.
80. Fight enemies one at a time, and for the love of god don't let them attack you from more than one direction. Keep moving, keep trying to disable their limbs, and throw heavy objects at them whenever you have breathing room.
81. Wrestle the spilled guts of your enemies to throw them on the ground for great justice. bonus points if you somehow manage to use your own spilled guts to win a fight. You'll still die, but at least you went out like a badass.
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"She'd lost her hand, her youth, and her husband. Her entire body was a maze of scars, and without her crutch she could only drag herself over the rocks. But Dema Beandeaths wasn't done just yet. She still had a long way to go, and that six-limbed armadillo devil godking wasn't about to kill itself."
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Broken

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Re: 100 Things about Wilderness survival that you learnt the hard way
« Reply #33 on: May 31, 2012, 11:43:05 am »

82. Trying to conquer hell is a bad idea, even if you are a nearly inmortal adamantine  clad husk.
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In a hole in the ground there lived a dwarf. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a dwarf fortress, and that means magma.
Dwarf fortress: Tales of terror and inevitability

Splint

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Re: 100 Things about Wilderness survival that you learnt the hard way
« Reply #34 on: May 31, 2012, 12:43:03 pm »

83. Giant Cave Spiders webbing you is a sentence to eternal head chewing if you had a helmet on.

Eventide

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Re: 100 Things about Wilderness survival that you learnt the hard way
« Reply #35 on: May 31, 2012, 12:45:50 pm »

84: Kobolds do not live well.
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Splint

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Re: 100 Things about Wilderness survival that you learnt the hard way
« Reply #36 on: May 31, 2012, 12:48:10 pm »

85. Chasing kobolds uphil in a roaring rampage of revenge for the last two adventurers they killed is an extremly stupid idea. You'll charge, miss, and land on your head in a small dip in the rock, killing yourself.

DrPoo

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Re: 100 Things about Wilderness survival that you learnt the hard way
« Reply #37 on: May 31, 2012, 01:09:57 pm »

Alright lets upgrade this to 200
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Makbeth

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Re: 100 Things about Wilderness survival that you learnt the hard way
« Reply #38 on: May 31, 2012, 03:47:41 pm »

86.  The most important skills are not fighter, or weapon, or armor use, or shield use.  The most important skills are Observer and Ambusher.

87.  Don't fast travel.  Sneak through the wilderness, even if it takes a whole day.  Two full days of that, and Altair himself will envy your ability to remain unnoticed.
           Goblin Warlord:  There seems to be someone systematically breaking my limbs, gouging out my eyes, and tossing me about like a ragdoll...  I wonder where they could be?

88.  If you're caught in the wild at sundown, get to the mountains, desert, or beach.  If none of those work, hide (you have ambusher right?), build an enclosure of campfires with one way out around you, with room to walk, and pace around there until the sun rises.

89.  An unconscious foe is a valuable resource.  Unless you're in a hurry, get some practice in with your weapons on all the unimportant body parts.  Just make sure his arms and legs are severed or broken first (preferably broken, they tend to bleed out really fast if you sever them).  And if you start to feel bad, just remind yourself that you're not trying to be evil, you're just doing it for the XP.

90.  Don't be afraid to yell "Yoohoo!  Over here!" and duck back behind a pillar or tree, then sneak away as your foes come running if you need to separate large groups.  Just make sure you have time to hide before they reach you.
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Diso Faintpuzzles was born in 120.  Although accounts vary it is universally agreed that Diso was chosen by fate as the vanguard of destiny.

In the early spring of 143 Diso began wandering the wilds.

In the early spring of 143 Diso starved to death in the Horn of Striking.

Xantalos

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Re: 100 Things about Wilderness survival that you learnt the hard way
« Reply #39 on: May 31, 2012, 05:41:00 pm »

86.  The most important skills are not fighter, or weapon, or armor use, or shield use.  The most important skills are Observer and Ambusher.

87.  Don't fast travel.  Sneak through the wilderness, even if it takes a whole day.  Two full days of that, and Altair himself will envy your ability to remain unnoticed.
           Goblin Warlord:  There seems to be someone systematically breaking my limbs, gouging out my eyes, and tossing me about like a ragdoll...  I wonder where they could be?

88.  If you're caught in the wild at sundown, get to the mountains, desert, or beach.  If none of those work, hide (you have ambusher right?), build an enclosure of campfires with one way out around you, with room to walk, and pace around there until the sun rises.

89.  An unconscious foe is a valuable resource.  Unless you're in a hurry, get some practice in with your weapons on all the unimportant body parts.  Just make sure his arms and legs are severed or broken first (preferably broken, they tend to bleed out really fast if you sever them).  And if you start to feel bad, just remind yourself that you're not trying to be evil, you're just doing it for the XP.

90.  Don't be afraid to yell "Yoohoo!  Over here!" and duck back behind a pillar or tree, then sneak away as your foes come running if you need to separate large groups.  Just make sure you have time to hide before they reach you.
Actually, for 89, you don't gain XP from torturing unconcious enemies. It's just for the evulz.
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Makbeth

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Re: 100 Things about Wilderness survival that you learnt the hard way
« Reply #40 on: May 31, 2012, 06:32:04 pm »

86.  The most important skills are not fighter, or weapon, or armor use, or shield use.  The most important skills are Observer and Ambusher.

87.  Don't fast travel.  Sneak through the wilderness, even if it takes a whole day.  Two full days of that, and Altair himself will envy your ability to remain unnoticed.
           Goblin Warlord:  There seems to be someone systematically breaking my limbs, gouging out my eyes, and tossing me about like a ragdoll...  I wonder where they could be?

88.  If you're caught in the wild at sundown, get to the mountains, desert, or beach.  If none of those work, hide (you have ambusher right?), build an enclosure of campfires with one way out around you, with room to walk, and pace around there until the sun rises.

89.  An unconscious foe is a valuable resource.  Unless you're in a hurry, get some practice in with your weapons on all the unimportant body parts.  Just make sure his arms and legs are severed or broken first (preferably broken, they tend to bleed out really fast if you sever them).  And if you start to feel bad, just remind yourself that you're not trying to be evil, you're just doing it for the XP.

90.  Don't be afraid to yell "Yoohoo!  Over here!" and duck back behind a pillar or tree, then sneak away as your foes come running if you need to separate large groups.  Just make sure you have time to hide before they reach you.
Actually, for 89, you don't gain XP from torturing unconcious enemies. It's just for the evulz.

I'm almost certain I checked my xp levels several times while doing it, and saw that they were going up each time I checked.  I'll do it again just to make sure.

EDIT:
Torture is effective, dammit!  Besides, if we don't torture kobolds, we'll never find out where they put the Forgotten Beast Extract bomb until it's too late.
« Last Edit: May 31, 2012, 06:34:46 pm by Makbeth »
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Diso Faintpuzzles was born in 120.  Although accounts vary it is universally agreed that Diso was chosen by fate as the vanguard of destiny.

In the early spring of 143 Diso began wandering the wilds.

In the early spring of 143 Diso starved to death in the Horn of Striking.

Devling

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Re: 100 Things about Wilderness survival that you learnt the hard way
« Reply #41 on: May 31, 2012, 06:38:11 pm »

86.  The most important skills are not fighter, or weapon, or armor use, or shield use.  The most important skills are Observer and Ambusher.

87.  Don't fast travel.  Sneak through the wilderness, even if it takes a whole day.  Two full days of that, and Altair himself will envy your ability to remain unnoticed.
           Goblin Warlord:  There seems to be someone systematically breaking my limbs, gouging out my eyes, and tossing me about like a ragdoll...  I wonder where they could be?

88.  If you're caught in the wild at sundown, get to the mountains, desert, or beach.  If none of those work, hide (you have ambusher right?), build an enclosure of campfires with one way out around you, with room to walk, and pace around there until the sun rises.

89.  An unconscious foe is a valuable resource.  Unless you're in a hurry, get some practice in with your weapons on all the unimportant body parts.  Just make sure his arms and legs are severed or broken first (preferably broken, they tend to bleed out really fast if you sever them).  And if you start to feel bad, just remind yourself that you're not trying to be evil, you're just doing it for the XP.

90.  Don't be afraid to yell "Yoohoo!  Over here!" and duck back behind a pillar or tree, then sneak away as your foes come running if you need to separate large groups.  Just make sure you have time to hide before they reach you.
Actually, for 89, you don't gain XP from torturing unconcious enemies. It's just for the evulz.

I'm almost certain I checked my xp levels several times while doing it, and saw that they were going up each time I checked.  I'll do it again just to make sure.

EDIT:
Torture is effective, dammit!  Besides, if we don't torture kobolds, we'll never find out where they put the Forgotten Beast Extract bomb until it's too late.

When you use an attack your xp in that skill goes up. Simple as that...
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Angel Of Death

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Re: 100 Things about Wilderness survival that you learnt the hard way
« Reply #42 on: May 31, 2012, 08:46:44 pm »

91: Crossbowmen are some kind of arcane demonic hitmen from the netherrealm. Avoid them at all costs.
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rtg593

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Re: 100 Things about Wilderness survival that you learnt the hard way
« Reply #43 on: May 31, 2012, 09:01:11 pm »

92. As fun as it sounds to raise that dragon you just slayed to be your zombie minion, don't. They still breathe fire.
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ArKFallen

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Re: 100 Things about Wilderness survival that you learnt the hard way
« Reply #44 on: May 31, 2012, 09:06:37 pm »

93. Fighting a bandit camp is much easier atop a speeding minecart
94. Minecarts can get stuck ,so push them out of their place
95. If a minecart gets stuck somewhere, you can no longer walk there, even if it now blocks your escape
96. Minotaurs know how to use any weapon they're holding
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