Sabreur: Damn! Titan attack! Okay, burrow everybody inside and get ready to raise the brid...
Spirit: WHAT THE EVERLOVING CRAP DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?
Sabreur: Who the hell are you!?
Spirit: I'm the Spirit of Bronzemurder, you pointy-eared tree humper! Now answer the question! What the hell do you think you're doing!?
Sabreur: Uh, I'm burrowing everyone inside so they don't die?
Spirit: WRONG ANSWER! You're hiding behind a wall like a weepy little elf girl. I've seen Kobolds with more guts than that!
Sabreur: Hey! I just don't want to lose this fort.
Spirit: Well boo-freakin-ho. Are you just going to crawl away and hide every time something scary comes up!?
Sabreur: Well... no... It's just...
Spirit: Tell me. What happened to your last fort?
Sabreur: ... I got bored and abandoned it.
Spirit: Big damn surprise.
Sabreur: Look, I'm just waiting until my military is ready. There's like, ten of them. Two of whom have actual weapon skills. They're no match for a titan yet!
Spirit: Awww, poor widdle baby. Maybe we should give you some wood armor and send you to hug some trees. Does baby want a little flower for his hair?
Sabreur: Hey! Screw you!
Spirit: Oh no, I hurt his feelings! He might raise a drawbridge at me! Or maybe he'll hide behind a trap-lined corridor! What's the motto of the game, asshole!?
Sabreur: ... losing is fun.
Spirit: Damn straight it is. Now are you going to live like an elf? Or DIE LIKE A DWARF!?
Sabreur: ... screw it. Open the bridge! Mass the military at the gate!
(15 Seconds Later)
Sabreur: OH GOD IT SHOOTS FIRE! I CAN'T SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING BECAUSE EVERYTHING'S BURNING! CRAP CRAP THERE GOES ONE OF THE RECRUITS AND... and... it's dead? Holy carp, my militia commander speared it right through the brain. That was awesome.
Spirit: See? Now isn't that better than spending two hours designing bedrooms and shit?
Sabreur: Yeah, I guess that was pretty damn cool.
Spirit: By the way, you might want to pull everyone inside now.
Sabreur: Huh? Why?
Spirit: Because everything on the surface is on fire, that's why. And I think your military is standing right in the middle of it.
Sabreur: AUGH EVERYBODY INSIDE! GO GO GO!
(2 minutes Later)
Sabreur: Oh hey, dwarven caravan. Let's see... half the surface is ash. The other half is on fire. My trap corridor just burned down because I built it using wooden menacing spikes on top of grass floors. Good thing I built the depot out of stone. Wonder if they'll buy forgotten beast roasts?
(10 minutes later)
Sabreur: Forgotten beast! Fire breather again! KILL IT.
(30 seconds later)
Sabreur: Aaaaaand there goes another recruit. Same squad, too. He managed to run quite a ways before he finally burned out, didn't he?
Spirit: Nice. Looks like your commander went for the brainpan again.
Sabreur: He really likes that spear...
(10 minutes later)
Sabreur: Freaking hell, another one? Corrupted blood this time... hrm.
Spirit: What is it?
Sabreur: I dunno, corrupted blood is supposed to be a nightmare to deal with. Maybe I should seal it off this time.
Spirit: And maybe I should smack you upside the head until all the boring leaks out.
Sabreur: Good point. BLOOD FOR ARMOK!
(30 seconds later)
Sabreur: The brain again!?
Spirit: Too bad about that recruit.
Sabreur: Same squad, too. I'm running out of fishery workers. Maybe I'll get some useful migrants to replace them.
Spirit: Now you're getting it.
Sabreur: Heh. Still, it's kinda strange. I guess I got a weak syndrome, blood got all OVER that one squad and they seem fine.
(30 seconds later)
Sabreur: OH GOD MY DWARVES ARE MELTING!
Spirit: I dunno, that one didn't melt per se. Looks more like he sort of... popped.
Sabreur: It's like the world's most disgusting water balloon fight. On the upside, it only hit the military... hrm.
Spirit: What is it?
Sabreur: I'm out of fishery workers and I'm not sure who to draft next. Oh hey, a potash maker!
(2 hours later)
Spirit: You're abandoning!? What the crap?
Sabreur: Yeah. Take a look at my civ neighbors.
Spirit: Humans... Elves... that's it?
Sabreur: Yeah. No goblins on this continent. No snatchers, no sieges, no ambushes, nothing. Forgotten beasts are fun, but I want to some sieges to play with.
Spirit: Now you're talking. Anyways, I'm off. There's some punk across town who keeps playing with Invaders turned off.
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Topic: The Spirit of Bronzemurder (Read 3472 times)