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[Loud Whispers]

we wall ourselves in

And starve.

WOO!!!

Still, the prospect of caverns really would be interesting.

Blow it all up.

[Corai]

we wall ourselves in

And starve.

WOO!!!

Still, the prospect of caverns really would be interesting.

Blow it all up.

We kobolds can just eat our dead's bones. MWAHAHAHAHHA.


Besides, we would had died from starving with the surface going down. But cause we live in caves, we can just eat vermin while we train. Then we just kill tiny animals, then medium, then we start trading with dwarves.


KOBOLD-BONE SPEARS HERE, GET YOUR SPEARS! .99 PER SPEAR! .99!

[Corai]

^{http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=107629.0}


I hope you enjoy this as I develop it for everyone.

[Oliolli]

Whoever it was that sung "I don't want to set the world on fire..." was not a Bay12er.

The Ink Spots.

Goddamnit Oliolli, that was the song that I was going to have for my first dance at my wedding before I got my heart broke and you just reminded me of it.

I'm totally going to murderise you.

Just a regular wednesday, then.

Does your avatar being changed to a more confused-looking thing have anything to do with that?

We would turn dwarf world on its head, paddle its ass, and make it our bitch in just a few years. I can't help but wonder if all the other civs, so horribly outmatched, wouldn't drop their differences just long enough to try to halt the advance of our clearly overwhelming power. Undead? No problem... we just suck them in the front of the mobile assault fortress, and essentially chippershred them, then blast them out of air blowers as tiny animated skin and bone fragments. What we don't need gets the magma treatment! (Just imagine! A deadly spray of zombie oystershell shards clawing and tearing at the flesh of the living!)

So in the end we'd have the entire world against us? Completely surrounded and outnumbered 200-to-1? But with such technological superiority? I like those odds.

Elves? Their forest retreats would BURN for miles around under the unrelenting assault of our napalm flame cannons!

Goblins? I wonder what a wrecking ball will do to their obsidian spire!

Humans!? Like their little wooden villages would stand up long!

Dwarves? Aggressive pumping of deadly phosgene down the front door after we smash it in (see wrecking ball above), and its all over! 

If we tipped our hand too aggressively, those other civs would quite nervous indeed. I propose the following diplotmatic approach:

I woldn't say that a wrecking ball would be that useful against an obsidian spire. Could be I'm wrong, though, but my suggestion would involve heavy weapons covering all exits from the tower and a group of people setting large amounts of (stable) explosives around the base of the tower, rig 'em all up to a detonator of some sort, evacuate the area and just blast the tower into rubble.

Same goes for human castles, though we'd need some way to cover any shooting positions they have.

As for the dwarves, would we need a wrecking ball to destroy their gates? Couldn't we just wait until we can tow in some sort of massive howitzer and blast a HE shell at the gate, direct fire? Then the poisonous gas. Basically anything that can replace the oxygen would be a viable solution, such as carbon dioxide. Suffocate the bearded menace!

Goblins:

If you guys don't stop with killing the grass with your rotting corpses, we'll smash in your tower. Seriously. We'll capture your "master", put her ugly elephantine ass in a centrifuge, and use her to mass produce beautiful silk stockings and thermal jumpsuits. When were done, we will put a happy kitten petting zoo where your dark fortress used to be for the delight of sickeningly cute children, and import fairies and butterflies to complete the effect. Seriously. Quit sending mindless goons.

I'm not really sure about wiping them out. We could always use something to demonstrate our techonolgical superiority against. What better way to keep the elves in line (despite the tree-cutting) than show how efficient we are at killing things?

"We will not accept you cutting down all the trees!"
"Look out onto our front lawn. See those goblins? On average each was blasted into seven pieces."
"So what are you going to do about us cutting down the trees?"
"..."
"Fine, you'll get some giant eagles next month. Half price."

[Splint]

One gold coin for a spear please. Sine they're made of bone a gold coin sounds fair. Esspecially since I don't know what constitues a dollar here and gold for bones sounds very fair.

Plus I like stabby things.

"We will not accept you cutting down all the trees!"
"Look out onto our front lawn. See those goblins? On average each was blasted into seven pieces."
"So what are you going to do about us cutting down the trees?"
"..."
"Fine, you'll get some giant eagles next month. Half price."

Hah.

[KodKod]

Just a regular wednesday, then.

Does your avatar being changed to a more confused-looking thing have anything to do with that?

No, I change my avatar's expressions to match one of my three valid moods: Crazed, seething with hatred or temporarily placated.

[Eric Blank]

"We will not accept you cutting down all the trees!"
"Look out onto our front lawn. See those goblins? On average each was blasted into seven pieces."
"So what are you going to do about us cutting down the trees?"
"..."
"Fine, you'll get some giant eagles next month. Half price."

Not good enough. I demand a pet pangolin. Because pangolins are cool. Normal small animal preferred, but some giant ones would be good for war mounts. Bring us pangolins or bust.

[Oliolli]

I've also been thinking, regarding fortress defence... landmines. An efficient, passive defense. Any arguments against?

[WillowLuman]

And kobolds, we would form great and unique cultures in our caves, and as we grow, we eventually learn how to dig, smelt, and we evolve to learn how to fight, we wall ourselves in, learn, and eventually get into the caverns, and begin to form a language, and with the dwarves we will defeat HFS and we all live happily ever after.


Or the dwarves will make us go boom.

Only the kobolds in the deepest part of the cave would possibly be saved, what with the cave being directly open to the air and not having mazelike reinforced passages. Still, I dare say a decent amount would survive the initial cosmic radiation and atmospheric firestorm.

Landmines are all well and good, so long as you don't forget where you put them.

[wierd]

I've also been thinking, regarding fortress defence... landmines. An efficient, passive defense. Any arguments against?

I already covered that on page 100!

Bouncing betties are nasty little things.  Mines that jump up out of the ground THEN go boom!

Chest high shraptnel! Whee!

[WillowLuman]

Hey weird, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't putting powdered glass in someone's drink a very stealthy way to make them very dead?

[Eric Blank]

Landmines are all well and good, so long as you don't forget where you put them.

This. I'd avoid landmines as explosives if possible, due to the issues with communication. Diplomats and traders may end up wandering through the field because they'd have no experience with such things and they'd end up thinking we were intentionally killing them and declare war/refuse further trade. Plus, the Goblins are probably smarter than Russians, so I doubt they'd actually try to clear it with armies of useless untrained recruits, but rather with beak dog stampedes or captured prisoners; possibly us. Magma mines on the other hand might work in our favor, as they would provide permanent defenses that cannot be effectively disabled, so they'd actually be useful in funneling goblin forces who have no way to clear a dwarven magma mine field that resets itself.

Hey weird, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't putting powdered glass in someone's drink a very stealthy way to make them very dead?

Sounds like a setup for a bad case of indigestion fatal internal bleeding, if the glass hasn't been dulled down in the process of grinding it, so I'd say yes

[WillowLuman]

My grandma once went on a college roadtrip through East Germany. Her and her friend's VW bus got a flat, so they decided to have a picnic in a nearby field. Some very alarmed looking Soviet soldiers ran up to them and informed them that it was, in fact, a minefield. They changed the tire for them and sent them expediently on their way. How nice

[Splint]

No-one wants to be responsible for some idiot civilians who ignored the warning signs the stuck in the ground getting blow'd up.

[WillowLuman]

No-one wants to be responsible for some idiot civilians who ignored the warning signs the stuck in the ground getting blow'd up.

Well, the old Soviet Satellite states had plenty of unmarked minefields. Why tell the enemy where they are? Why not let the people trapped within worry about setting foot in the wrong place when trying to get out?