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[Bralbaard]

Day 1:
My name is Hadewich Whiskerfarm.
Welcome to our little town!
The name of this town? Fiercejuggler.. Funny name for such a boring place.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Nothing ever happens here.

Today was different though, today I found something.
Right in the middle of the road.
A paper! With letters on it!

Since I'm bored a lot, I spend a lot of time eating, but sometimes, when there's no food, I teach myself to read.
So I picked up the paper, and read the Big Letters on the top of the paper:
Dinner...wand..ered Gas..Gazeteer! it said.
I know about Dinnerwandered, It's a big town. They say there was a fishman king there, who ruled over us, many years ago.
The small letters were hard to read. Luckily there were a lot of pictures. pretty pictures.
The small letters said something about heroes, and a Mu..Museum, A museum with a toy boat and dead people.
Then at the end, it said something in big letters again, it said anyone could go there and become a adventurer and.. and be famous!
When you're famous, I think you never have to be bored.
There will always be interesting people around, and good food.

I think I'll go to Dinnerwandered today, and get famous. I need to buy new food anyhow.
Since I'm going on a adventure, I think I should bring a weapon, and armor.
There's an old silver axe above the fireplace that I can take, sadly there's no armor that will fit me, I'll just take this copper shield.

Wish me luck!

[kesperan]

Only three more months to go till my turn...

A mere 16 weeks for me... That should be about the start of October... Still worth it though to be part of something this epic

[Bralbaard]

I arrived in the museum late in the afternoon.
The place was a mess! There was blood everywhere, and dead creatures, and random rubbish..
I really should have started cleaning the place, but I got distracted.
Between the rusted armor and rotting monsters, I found a stairwell leading down, into the dungeons.

The stairwell ended in a narrow hallway. There was a door to the north, a heavy door. The lock had already been forced, likely by previous adventurers. The next room had a dead kobold in it, his teeth were scattered throughout the entire room.
A dead kobold! I already felt like a real adventurer.

I walked through some other passages and came to another door and opened it, only to be nearly scared to death by a living kobold.
The creature hissed: "No!!  not again!"
It tried to stab me with a pointy spear. "This time, you will not pass!" it screamed. "Sluguflonkus will stop you!"
I counterattacked with the only tactic I knew, I threw my full weight at it. I slammed right into the creature, knocking it down, and pinning it to the ground. I then clumsily hit it twice with my axe. It was enough to kill the creature. I stood up puzzled by what the kobold had said.
 
I looked around the room. The dust was marked by signs of other battles. Several kobold corpses were scattered through the room. I looked more closely at one of them and was shocked.. it looked exactly the same as the kobold I had just killed!  I looked at the other corpses and the one in the previous room and found they were all exactly alike apart from the wounds they had suffered.

I panicked,  I ran back upstairs, ran out of the museum and into the courtyard, only to trip over another kobold corpse. This one too was an exact copy of Sluguflonkus. I ran further away, but quickly lost my breath as I'm not really build for this kind of exercise.   

While I tried to catch my breath my senses caught up with me as well. I would be a really bad adventurer if I let myself get spooked that easily. With shaking legs I went back down into the dungeon, slowly moved towards the door, and opened it.
There was no question about it, it was the same kobold again, standing over his own corpse.



It knew what was coming but would not run away and neither could I; It was too fast and aggressive, I had to kill it or die myself. With tears in my eyes I brought down my axe repeatedly, until Sluguflonkus stopped moving...again.

The poor kobold must be under some horrid curse. Bound by dark, unknown forces to protect this room from the adventurers send forth by the museum, and resurrected by those powers every time he failed. What had the poor creature done to deserve such a horrid fate?

Suddenly I had an idea, I ran upstairs and returned with a book. Sluguflonkus had not yet been resurrected, but he soon would be. It would however be different this time, and it would not just be him, but all of him. The book contained the secrets of life and death, and I would use it to raise Slugoflonkus from death, and change his fate. Slugoflonkus would be my personal cloned zombie kobold army. Together we would change the world and our future...

[Caldfir]

Hmm, that's really odd.  My guess is that every time you return it's "randomly" generating a non-historical kobold from the civ-pop down there, but that the same one is being generated over and over.  That or due to the peculiarities of kobold language, they all just decided to have the same name. 

Either way, it should be entertaining to see what becomes of the zombie-clone army. 

[Vgray]

If it was a non-historical kobold it would be -insert name of weapon profession here- instead of a name.

Or something.

[Eric Blank]

Actually, the game currently repeatedly duplicates the same thing every time you leave the area it spawned in if it is not a historical figure, and did not leave it behind, alive, after speaking to it or letting it kill you or something else to make it a historical figure. Basically, it marks off historical figures as being dead when killed, but does not mark off non-historical figures as being dead or as having been taken as a companion if you do so, so they are regenerated from the same template, which is apparently saved.

Interestingly, you can exploit this to generate an infinite number of guards at a fortress, inhabited by at least one of them. If you talk to a guard, they will become a historical figure. If you hire them as a companion, they will be marked off in the same way they would if you promptly killed them, and when you return there would be another guard standing there by the same name, who replaces the non-historical figure the game thinks should be there. If you talk to them and then leave without taking them as a companion or killing them, they will still be there when you get back. However, the game will remember them now and realize they're a historical figure. Their position as a non-historical figure will be replaced by somebody new, who will have a unique profile. You can repeatedly do this until the site is swarming with guards. I think the game's logic goes something like "okay, this site is supposed to have 5 non-historical guards running around, but we're missing one. I'll just respawn hi- hang on, there's someone there by that name already, but they're a historical figure... Oh well, gotta fill the non-historical quota! I'll just come up with something new."

I also think this works with bandit camps if you're neutral and get the chance to talk to them without killing them (you could be neutral if you're, say, from the other side of the world and not a member of an enemy civ of theirs or an outcast and thus not a member of any civ), but I haven't done that much and haven't returned afterwards to check. This is why I could talk to Dostngosp and hire certain bandits as Bora.


Interestingly this doesn't seem to happen the same way for peasants at a hamlet: I once talked to a dwarven weaponsmith (my game is modded so they build cities so i could find them) and left without killing her or taking her with me. When I returned to the cabin later, she was still there, but there was another weaponsmith there with her. I talked to this new smith, and found out she's the exact same person! So then there were two Cattens. Later when I made a fortress, both copies of Catten showed up. Both made an artifact weapon, and both were eventually killed.

[Bralbaard]

Actually, the game currently repeatedly duplicates the same thing every time you leave the area it spawned in if it is not a historical figure, and did not leave it behind, alive, after speaking to it or letting it kill you or something else to make it a historical figure.

It's a bug and it needed to be weaponized..

The kobold can't be talked to and can't be hired, so it will never be a historical figure. He will be respawned every visit. Since he's so close to the museum he has been killed many times. His profile(s) in legends mode are a mess.

In my head I imagine it to be a bit like the early episodes of south park. There is a show about the dungeon inhabitants and each episode, somewhere halfway, an adventurer storms down the stairs and kills slugoflonkus in some gruesome way. Everybody says: Oh Armok, they killed Slugoflonkus!
Then the show continues, and the next episode Slugoflonkus is there, like nothing ever happened..

If it was a non-historical kobold it would be -insert name of weapon profession here- instead of a name.

Or something.

His name only seems to be generated after he is killed, the kobold has no name, but the corpses are Slugoflonkuses.

[Timeless Bob]

Suppose "Slugoflonkus is a post-mortem title in the tongue of the kobolds?  Something like "Matyred in the Obeissant Abysses"? (Oh, Armok!  They killed Slugo!)

[Krevsin]

Is this still open? Because I'd love to have a go.

[evictedSaint]

Is this still open? Because I'd love to have a go.

The current wait time is about 4 months, just so you know.

[Krevsin]

Is this still open? Because I'd love to have a go.

The current wait time is about 4 months, just so you know.

that is fine, i need to practice my Adventure Mode anyway.

[Bralbaard]

The art of swimming.
When I read the book about life and death I only thought about helping Slugoflonkus, and never thought about the side effects. Like for example..... immortality.
More importantly, I never thought about the other side effect, about not needing to eat...
While previously not a minute could pass without me thinking about food, the thought of it makes me sick now.
The Slugoflonkuses on the other hand look very, very hungry.
I wonder if my current weight is fixed for all eternity, or if it will change.

We traveled south towards a place I had read about. All went well until we tried to cross a river just south of Mindfullring. We suddenly found ourselves in the middle of a herd of impalas. A horrible fight followed, the impalas were kicking the poor Slugoflonkuses all over the place. I had to raise them several times during the fight. In the end we defeated the impalas, but the Slugoflonkuses looked a lot worse than before, with caved-in skulls, and covered in impala bitemarks and hoofprints.

In the river we found a full set of armor and clothing. I heard people drown in rivers, but there was no corpse. I guess someone felt like swimming and took his cloths off. I noticed the armor was my size too! Incredible! The owner was nowhere to be seen. I took the armor and we quickly ran away. 

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

We made it to Lakelancers early the next day. The fortress was build near two rivers. A huge artificial lake surrounded the large island on which the fortress was build. Walking around the lake I saw someone swimming in the water. It was the count himself!
I wondered if I happened to be wearing his armor, but luckily I was not.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

He greeted me. He was quite a good swimmer, but it was a bit of an akward conversation. I motioned him to come on land, but he took one look at the Slugoflonkuses and declined. He said there was a bridge to the island on the other end of the lake, I could enter if I left the Slugoflonkuses outside.

When crossing the bridge the Slugoflonkuses ran ahead of me, chasing a badger. So much for leaving them outside. There were a lot of animals here. Somewhere along the water I heard crying. There was a dwarven baby in the water! I tried to get to it, but it was too far from the shore and I can't swim myself. Flailing around in the water I looked forward at the baby, then back at the shore. The Slugoflonkuses where there, still looking hungry. This was a bad idea. Also the baby appeared to be doing fine, dwarven babies must be natural swimmers. His mother was nearby too, no need to worry. I had to continue.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It took a long time arm waving and issuing commands too get the zombies away from the shore and the baby. I kind of felt sorry for the poor hungry Slugoflonkuses.

---------------------

I had some nice artwork for this story, but my two year old daughter got a hold of it, and the crayons, and made some.. improvements  . So no art for you.
I'll update the turn list.

[Eric Blank]

What, no crayon art! Despicable!

[Bralbaard]

There were three entrances to the fortresses. The first had an impressive entrance hall with pools with crystal clear water; the single corridor then went deeper and deeper into the island past halls filled with large statues, until it came to the grandest hall of them all; a long corridor with floors paved with gold and iron. Golden trinkets and treasures had been piled up against the walls. An artifact quern sat in the middle of the room. There were a few rooms at the end of the coridor. The last one had an impressive iron sarcophagus that seemed unoccupied. It should have been used, as the room was full of corpses, animal corpses, but still. I took some of the gold jewelry with me, the pieces fit me perfectly.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Another entrance at the other end of the island went even deeper down, but was less impressive. It ended in a huge cavern 26 levels below ground. The cave was too dark and large to explore.

We then explorered the main complex. This is were the dwarves lived. Like the other areas, this one was abandoned. The only living dwarves were apparently all outside swiming in the lake. There were huge mined out veins of hematite and gold; materials that were reused throughout the fortress. I also found several other artifacts.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Then there was a wonderful surprise in the farm area of the fortresses. In the nestboxes I found a clutch of freshly hatched eggs. A large flock of chicks were rooting around in the soil. So adorable!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

There was no mother chicken in sight, but I could take care of...
I was rudely interrupted by the Cloned zombies, they jumped at the chicks and started ripping them apart.
NO SLUGUFLONKUS!! I screamed, but none of them listened. The undead kobolds, brainless, and unaware of what they were doing, tore the poor chicks apart one by one. Just when they were done a dwarf came running in, alarmed by my screams. Six cloned zombie kobolds jumped at him and tore him apart, then the militia commander himself charged in. A strong dwarf armed with a mighty axe. I screamed at Sluguflonkus to stop, but it was no use.  The dwarf stood no chance.. I grabbed my axe and brought it down on one of the clones.. Suddenly all of them stopped moving, but it was too late. I destroyed all of the clones and took their bones, then returned to the surface weeping.

When I came outside I saw the baby and the count were still happily swimming around in the pool. Unaware of what had happened below.

I fled from the fortress. Outside I raised all the clones again. We walked back to the museum, but when I arrived I understood that I could not change Sluguflonkus' fate. Instead of ending his suffering I had only multiplied it.

I once more brought down my axe on all six corpses, killing Slugoflonkus again, again and again.

And that is were my adventures ended. A lot more miserable, but immortal, and cured of my food addiction, I returned to my home village to spend eternity there.

I deposited all the cloned corpses in the museum. Maybe it will be a lesson to someone.

[Bralbaard]

Allright, the save game can be found here
It includes a new fortress, Owlwalls:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

As mentioned before, the Sluguflonkus corpses are my submission to the museum. Some of them display other names now when viewed, because they gained titles by killing stuf, but most do not, and all are clones of the same kobold.

All of this makes it Timeless Bobs turn. I've added myself for another turn.