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Author Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued  (Read 248559 times)

Talarion

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts at Speedograd. Turn Twenty Four.
« Reply #450 on: June 12, 2012, 07:23:16 am »

"And that, mate, is how we do it down under, Davy-fella... Crikey..." Stevo said as he tried to put the fire out of his hair and survey the opponent.
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Toaster

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts at Speedograd. Turn Twenty Four.
« Reply #451 on: June 13, 2012, 07:53:03 am »

Suit of armor, armor piercing rounds... there is no way this will work as intended.


Fire a salvo of armor piercing rounds!
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

freeformschooler

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts at Speedograd. Turn Twenty Four.
« Reply #452 on: June 13, 2012, 08:01:38 am »

"Don't worry, boys! I'll distract the suit so Rasputin can grab the bag!"

Paul McCartney sings his FROG SONG once again and summons frogs down upon the suit of armor!

"Wait... didn't I reverse the polarization on this thing? Ah, probably not a big deal.
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lawastooshort

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The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts at Speedograd. Turn Twenty Five.
« Reply #453 on: June 15, 2012, 04:00:46 am »

TURN TWENTY FIVE

Elemental magics: Everyone+water, + Multiply this+ try to fix that arm



"This must be a dwarf.” realises the knowledgeable Greek philosopher. “Legend says they are murderous beings, but terrifically afraid of the water. Let’s see if the legends are indeed correct!"

...Archimedes starts drawing the power of the elements out of the sky with some precise and vaguely mathematical movements, but then suddenly remembers his arm is mangled! He quickly rummages about for his medkit and pulls out a set of bandages and but oh dear! ...Oh gosh! The! Um!

An enormous trailing twirl of bandages shoots out from the medkit into the darkening sky a short distance away, from whence suddenly shoots a terrifying tornado of immeasurable height which mixes and swirls and joins together with the hundreds of metres of bandage, blasting across the barely moonlit landscape towards Archimedes’ outstretched and battered arm. Closer and closer it comes until it leaps across the surface of the ground, colliding with tremendous force with the broken limb!

Before he even knows what is happening, the force of the water-bandage spout bursts into Archimedes and sends him flying backwards a dozen metres into a nearby rock!

Stumbling to his feet on his badly bruised legs, Archimedes notices a strange sensation in his arm.

He glances down, only to see a shimmering school of bandages swimming about in his now transparent appendage!

Wound Acquired: Archimedes of Syracuse: Bruised Legs!

Limb Acquired: Archimedes of Syracuse: Medical Water Elemental Left Arm!

Paul McCartney sings his FROG SONG once again and summons frogs down upon the suit of armor!



As soon as the troublesome tornado travels away, Paul McCartney jumps into action, unslinging his guitar and whipping out a plectrum.

"Don't worry, boys! I'll distract the suit so Rasputin can grab the bag!" he starts, as he strums an intro. "Wait... didn't I reverse the polarisation on this thing? Ah, probably not a big deal. Here we go!”

”Bum, bum-bum; Bum, bum-bum,” he starts, as the darkened skies start darkening even more and the terrifying tornado starts heading back towards the assembled bowienauts. ”Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum-bum; Bum, bum, b-OH BUGGER!”

...The sky turns a dark and overwhelmingly ominous green; a rain starts to fall. A rain that is hard. A rain that is green. A rain that consists of great big giant frogs the size of water melons, tumbling down from the sky for as far as the eye can see!

”Croak!” goes one, as it crashes down on ...Rasputin’s head, exploding and showering the Russian in frog guts.

”Croak!” goes another, as it splatters upon ...Steve Irwin’s burning hair, extinguishing the flames and stunning the astonished Australian.

Wound Acquired: Steve Irwin: Bruised Brain!

”Croak!” adds a final monsterfrog, as if emphasising the point of his smashed brethren whilst crushing down upon ...the already frog-drenched Rasputin, chipping the skull and bruising the brain!

Wound Acquired: Rasputin: Chipped Skull!

Wound Acquired: Rasputin: Bruised Brain!

As the sky finally begins to clear once more, a solitary giant frog hops up to the shining suit of armour standing guard before the stadium amidst the sea of rubbery green limbs and splattered amphibious corpses.

It leaps feet first at the dwarf’s face, kicking his teeth in and knocking him to the ground!

Wound Acquired: A dwarf: Bruised Teeth!

”Hmm…” mutters Paul as he examines first his shoelaces and then the roof of a nearby building, which looks particularly interesting. ”Nope... wasn’t a big deal…”

Open the suit (via philosophers stone), grab the bag of discord.



...Rasputin quickly recovers from his stunned state to remember his enemy before him. His armour looks impenetrable; a greater force than mere amphibians or fists will be required! Unfortunately, in his frog-blasted daze, when he reaches into his shirt to find his formidably powerful philosopher’s stone, he only finds his nipple! He gives it a quick rub before advancing towards the dwarf, determined to steal the deadly bag of discord.

He trips over a frog!

Quote from: Dwarf
Attack Davy Crockett with a backpack to the crotch!



The imposing dwarf spits out the bits of teeth frogsmashed into his mouth. They hit the inside of his helmet and rattle about, pinging back into his chin! His beard now menaces with spikes of dwarven teeth! He wades through the sea of frog, ignoring the Russian on the floor in front of him, charging directly towards his foe. The deadliest threat seems obvious: he advances upon Davy Crockett.

He bellows a silent warcry, implacable in his ancient duty to guard the entrance to his clan’s fortress, and swings his artefact backpack right into Davy Crockett’s crotch, ...tearing the skin and fracturing the bone!

Wound Acquired: Davy Crockett: Fractured crotch!

Tantrum Acquired: Davy Crockett: Tantrum Alert!

Davy Crockett is livid! His poor crotch! Instead of sinking to his knees in monstrous pain, he immediately froths over with blind rage and storms over to ...Rasputin, waving his bowie knife in the Russian’s beardy face! ... Luckily for international relations though, he is too incapacitated by crotch pain to inflict any damage! Oh well.

Tantrum Finished: Davy Crockett: Tantrum Over!

Fire a salvo of armor piercing rounds!



This crushing knife waving failure brings Crockett to his senses: he is faced with a heavily armoured foe! He is armed with heavily armour piercing rounds! Surely this will work, he thinks to himself as he turns, aims his gun, and somehow pulls the trigger!

...But once again a mere single shell dribbles forth, ...ineffectually plopping out upon the ground!

Crockett imagines he can hear some sort of voice from within the deadly tin.

"Ahahahahahaha!"

…as he tried to put the fire out of his hair and survey the opponent.



"And that, mate, is how we do it down under, Davy-fella...” Stevo says, as he lets the exploding frog extinguish his burning hair. ”Crikey... I meant taking out Nazi pillboxes, but that’s also how we put out raging head-fires too, mate!"

He turns to face the bowienauts’ foe, and remembers his calling in life. He turns briefly back to his comrades.

”Now, what we have here, mates, is yer typical common or garden enraged deadly dwarf, supposedly guarding the entrance to his fortress since the dawn of time as instructed by the invisible hand that guides. Crikey. This guy’s a beauty, and his armour is a really fine specimen, masterwork, by the looks of it, but I’m not gonna get any closer yet without properly preparing myself – he looks like a naughty little guy, but wooo! I bet yer he’s got a pretty little face under that top quality steel plate, eh? No, I’m gonna observe him closely, and then I’m just gonna slowly approach the gorgeous critter without him even knowing I’m here. Then, when the time is right, I’m just gonna pounce and clamp his jaws shut, and then get the crew to find me some kind of box! Crikey!”

Crikey! Stevo’s expert analysis bears fruit, and he spots a weakness!

Bonus Acquired: Steve Irwin: Opponent Surveyed!

Spoiler: Detailed Map (click to show/hide)

VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS

EFFECTS IN EFFECT
None.
Spoiler: Archimedes of Syracuse (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Notes (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: June 16, 2012, 08:36:27 am by lawastooshort »
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10ebbor10

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts at Speedograd. Turn Twenty Five.
« Reply #454 on: June 15, 2012, 05:39:50 am »

((Nice. So I'm now 8.3% invulnerable ))

Set up laser, Cast multiply this, and, if there's time left, fire at A dwarf.(Those weapons have freacking giant clip sizes, I 've been tugging it along since the beginning of the first adventure, and still didn't need to reload.)
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empfan

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts at Speedograd. Turn Twenty Five.
« Reply #455 on: June 15, 2012, 11:47:02 am »

Backs away from the dwarf, and goes off somewhere to heal
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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts at Speedograd. Turn Twenty Five.
« Reply #456 on: June 16, 2012, 12:48:03 am »

"Nice trick. Don't mind if I take it!"

Grab the backpack and MIGHTY TEXAS BOOT the dwarf into the distance, stealing his backpack!
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

Talarion

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts at Speedograd. Turn Twenty Five.
« Reply #457 on: June 16, 2012, 03:25:29 am »

Get the Dwarf in a Flying Emu Full Nelson to hold it in place while Davy kicks it! Full Nelson always works!
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freeformschooler

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts at Speedograd. Turn Twenty Five.
« Reply #458 on: June 16, 2012, 06:43:49 am »

Paul McCartney, in the heat of battle, reverses his guitar's polarization... AGAIN!

"Uh... sorry, boys, won't happen again. Promise!"

But Paul could promise no such thing. He shot out a BEAM OF GENTLE LOVING at the dwarf!
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lawastooshort

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The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts at Speedograd. Turn Twenty Six.
« Reply #459 on: June 20, 2012, 07:13:46 am »

TURN TWENTY SIX

Backs away from the dwarf, and goes off somewhere to heal



“Arg!” thinks Rasputin, “My skull! My brain! My guts!”

He quickly backs away from the armour plated midget, getting out of immediate danger and into a cover by a nearby rock. ...He’s about to stick a plaster on his chipped skull when he remembers he doesn’t have any plasters. Well, at least he isn’t dying any faster.

Get the Dwarf in a Flying Emu Full Nelson to hold it in place while Davy kicks it! Full Nelson always works!



“Full Nelson always works!” realises Steve Irwin, leaping towards the dangerous dwarf in his typical heroic manner before ...bouncing off the masterwork steel full plate and sliding to the ground in front of his foe. “Oh. Crikey!”

Quote from: a dwarf
Backpack Kung-Fu Smack to Archimedes Head!



Striding across the battlefield like a very small armour plated titan, the malicious dwarf is impervious to the terrible assaults being directed incompetently towards him. His tiny brain has detected a new target upon whom to vent his ancient anger! He sees Archimedes struggle with the pain of his slightly bruised legs, and correctly surmises he is vulnerable. He darts over with surprising nimbleness, pirouetting like a spinning tin of solidified dwarf soup before bringing his backpack round in a graceless enraged arc and ...smacking the philosopher right in the ear!

Blood dribbles down his cheek like a sleeping drunk and suddenly Archimedes begins to lose his cool!

Wound Acquired: Archimedes of Syracuse: Lightly Bleeding Ear!

Tantrum Acquired: Archimedes of Syracuse: Tantrum Alert!

“My ear! My precious ear!” he wails, whipping out his M60 and eying his Beatle friend with all those silly frogs. Tears of pent-up rage flow down his face as he pulls the trigger, ...spraying the floor around Paul McCartney with bullets but only managing to bruise the Beatle’s nose!

Tantrum Finished: Archimedes of Syracuse: Tantrum Over!

Wound Acquired: Paul McCartney: Bruised Nose!

Tantrum Acquired: Paul McCartney: Tantrum Alert!

“My nose! My dearest nose!” cries McCartney, feeling a small bump build up on the end of his famously handsome facial appendage. “How am I going to smell the sweet smell of victory!?” he despondently wonders, before realising the true culprit and forgiving, for now, his unwitting attacker. “Oi! You! You dwarfy bastard, you!” he shouts, pointing at the dwarf with his guitar and charging in a whirling ball of fury.

...He smacks the dwarf right in the left arm with his guitar, bruising it badly through the steel and filling the dwarf this time with some quite intense irritation at the turn of events. He suddenly starts feeling some quite inexplicable sadness for a long lost pet cat, and lurches forwards once again to the irksome Greek philosopher, standing there all smug and philosophery.

Tantrum Finished: Paul McCartney: Tantrum Over!

Wound Acquired: A Dwarf: Bruised Left Arm!

Tantrum Acquired: A Dwarf: Tantrum Alert!

The dwarf swings his divisive backpack right at Archimedes’ crotch, ...at which point the wise old man realises this is silly.

“Enough!” he proclaims, raising his mighty sandal to block the blow. “One must learn to take such grievous events on the chin! Tragedy is but a natural part of human life, and ultimately if one can control one’s grief the loss of a cat if a good thing! Calm yourself, oh noble foe!”

Tantrum Finished: A Dwarf: Tantrum Over!

Paul McCartney, in the heat of battle, reverses his guitar's polarization... AGAIN!

But Paul could promise no such thing. He shot out a BEAM OF GENTLE LOVING at the dwarf!



When Paul McCartney tires of his tantrum and calms down, he is aghast. He smacked his guitar against a suit of solid steel! As his mind clears, he is even more aghast. He rained giant frogs over the whole of southern Russia, causing minor wounds to tens of thousands of innocent people and frogs, including his comrades! Wracked with guilt, he fiddles with his knob and reverses, possibly, his guitar’s polarisation.

"Uh... sorry, boys, won't happen again,” he lies. “Promise!"

Fingers wrapped around his instrument, he strums out a melancholic minor chord, pointing it out directly at his new foe and shooting forth a beam of extremely gentle loving!

...It’s impossible to tell, through the full plate armour, if it’s had any effect at all, but Paul certainly feels quite content with himself.

Grab the backpack and MIGHTY TEXAS BOOT the dwarf into the distance, stealing his backpack!



"Nice trick. Don't mind if I take it!"

Davy Crockett tries to grab the dwarf’s backpack, hoping to use it for himself – but after several seconds of angry grappling ... he doesn’t even manage to tear off one of the straps! Obviously he is using the wrong limb; wrestling for a handbag is not dignified behaviour for a hero of Texas! No sir! Instead he must apply his MIGHTY MANLY TEXAS BOOT!

...Without so much as a run-up to give warning, Davy Crockett swiftly draws back his foot, applies it directly to where he guesses the typical dwarven gonad to be located, slips over backwards onto the floor, and sends the dwarf hurtling head first over his shoulders right into his comrade Steve Irwin!

The flying dwarf, desperately waving his arms about before him to cushion the blow smacks into Stevo with his flailing backpack, tearing the skin on the Aussie’s unfortunate arm!

Wound Acquired: Steve Irwin: Bleeding Right Arm!

Tantrum Acquired: Steve Irwin: Tantrum Alert!

“Oh, crikey mate!” suddenly shouts Stevo, “What the bejesus!” he adds, before turning to find Rasputin and strolling towards him with an air of menacing intent. Images of lizards and reptiles and scaly Russians flash dementedly before his eyes as he for some reason suddenly realises the decorations in his bedroom are considerably worse than those in his colleagues’ bedrooms; he leaps onto Rasputin, wrestling him to the ground! ...Luckily Rasputin keeps his calm, rolling the Australian aside without taking so much as a scratch and giving him a sharp slap around the cheeks to bring him back to his senses.

“Oh, thanks fella! Don’t know what came over me! Crikey! Strewth!”

Tantrum Finished: Steve Irwin: Tantrum Over!

Set up laser, Cast multiply this, and, if there's time left, fire at A dwarf.



Archimedes has calmed down and found a certain inner equanimity, having recovered from the shock of the slight scratch to his ear. Feeling rather sheepish about his ridiculous outburst, he sets down his 10 foot long array of mirrors at the ...perfect angle to catch the burning rays of midnight moonlight before turning to face his foe and ...considerably augmenting his terrifying powers!

Spoiler: Detailed Map (click to show/hide)

VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS

EFFECTS IN EFFECT
A dwarf has been gently loved! -2 to combat rolls for two turns! A dwarf has been taught mathematics! +1 to combat rolls for two turns!
Spoiler: Archimedes of Syracuse (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Notes (click to show/hide)
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Talarion

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts at Speedograd. Turn Twenty Six.
« Reply #460 on: June 20, 2012, 07:25:59 am »

Wrestle the Dwarf again!
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10ebbor10

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts at Speedograd. Turn Twenty Six.
« Reply #461 on: June 20, 2012, 07:41:27 am »

Fire

Left arm followed by laser, and if possible, guns.
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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Bowienauts at Speedograd. Turn Twenty Six.
« Reply #462 on: June 20, 2012, 10:22:20 am »

I bet it'd be nasty to puke inside that suit.

"Hey beardy, look at this!"

DOUBLEARMFACE the dwarf!
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

lawastooshort

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Calling Rasputin and McCartney!
« Reply #463 on: June 22, 2012, 04:01:16 pm »

Bump for Rasputin and McCartney.

Anyone want to offer suggestions for them? I will start writing the turn tomorrow if family duties permit.
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freeformschooler

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Calling Rasputin and McCartney!
« Reply #464 on: June 22, 2012, 04:02:04 pm »

Sorry I've been gone off and on for a bit. Reading now.

EDIT:

Paul McCartney decides to take action!

"What are we doing here, boys? We're just flailing around as the dwarf gets the best of us! Come on, time to fight!"

Paul McCartney takes out his CLAYBOARD, flies straight towards the dwarf's head and at the last moment hops off!

I get the feeling this will invariably end in me spending a turn re-gathering the clayboard or worse.
« Last Edit: June 22, 2012, 04:05:51 pm by freeformschooler »
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