TURN THREE
[20:47] <adwarf> Lets see, I'd say have him attack the sniper with his SMG since its the most dangerous foe.
And I'd say: Lay down suppresing fire. Make sure the sniper can't do much else but hide. Then take cover!
In two minds as to what to do,
Archimedes knows only one thing: he must open fire hard! Rushing up to join Davy in cover by the fountain, the famous Greek spurts across the open ground,
...submachine gun blasting out hundreds of bullets as he runs.
"I'm coming, Davy!" he screams at the top of his voice as
...he jumps onto the wall of the fountain.
"I'm comi-ARG DEAR GODS NO!"Catching sight of the foul contents of the ruined fountain, Archimedes keels over and starts retching heavily!
Snipe back at the sniper!
"Watch your heads, men – a sharpshooter! Get the spotter before they can move in the cannon! Oh good Lord, that means you too, Archimedes! Get down! Don't look in ther- ohnoit'stoolateohgodohgodohgodthey'reallvisiblystiffwithsweat!"Doing his best to ignore the heavily retching
Greek philosopher a few feet away,
Davy Crockett takes aim at where the sharpshooter seems to have shot from, and lets one off!
...The lack of effect is signalled almost immediately by a bullet returning and
...narrowly missing Archimedes, who rolls off the fountain's parapet and into cover beside Davy.
He stares at the American with a look of abject terror.
Paul McCartney grabs a bunch of CRIMINAL FOUNTAIN FILTH and sloshes it on the SPEEDCOMMUNIST to distract him as Irwin takes him down!
"Ah, blast!" shouts
Paul McCartney,
"Curse you, commies! I just had these guts repaired man! Chaps, I think Stevo needs help. Cover me, I'm going in!"...Paul dives head first into the terrible fountain filth, rolling about in the used communist speedos like a delighted hippo and bellowing in repulsed fear as he comes up for air with a communist speedo draped hard across his face! Retching and gibbering, the Last Beatle grabs two handfuls of used communist speedo, raising them triumphantly to the sky as he clambers back out of the fountain and rushes across the open ground to the south.
"Stevo!" he cries as he runs,
"Stevo! I'm coming! Ohgodohgodohgodohgod!"McCartney jumps through the first ruined window he comes to, only to see
Steve Irwin wrestling a semi-naked communist on the floor!
Tackle the fiendish commie and wrestle it into the dust!
"It's not what it looks like mate! Oh crikey, give us a hand, will you? I'm afraid to get a firm handhold anywhere on this fella!"Taking advantage as
Paul McCartney rubs the used communist speedo into the speedocommunist's face,
...Steve Irwin rolls his weight over and get the Russian in a Deadly Outback Headlock! The speedocommunist starts choking on his own tongue, but
...suddenly he leaps up, as if reinvigorated by the one and only thing that gives him his power being rubbed directly into his eyes!
"I AM SPEEDOCOMMUNIST NUMBER 473!" he proclaims as he swats Steve Irwin to the floor.
"I SPEEDO YOU!"Suddenly Steve Irwin finds himself crawling backwards along the floor as he backs himself up against the wall, trying to shield his eyes from the oncoming monstrosity and trying to shield his face from the incoming crotch-thrusts!
Wound Acquired! Steve Irwin:
Heavily Bleeding Guts!Years later – if he survived, and who knows? – Steve Irwin would never be sure: was it the burning gut pain that woke him from his terror-induced blackout? Or was it the girly screech of the Last Beatle coming face to face with his very own speedocommunist?
"Aarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhjhh!" scream
Paul,
"Another Russian! And this one's wielding used communist underpants! He's coming straight at me!"Just then a furry bundle of rabid fury leaps across the screen, and
...with his musician's instinct Paul swats it right out of the sky with his quickdraw guitar! The furious weasel shoots across the ruined room, homing right in on speedocommunist #2's left eye! He's blinded and bleeding!
...He strikes out at Paul, missing terribly as the Scouse lad dodges the blow before falling off balance to the floor.
Paul tries a short sharp uppercut as the commie falls,
...but only manages to bring his speedo-covered hand back into view.
He enters a state of fountain filth-induced delirium! He retches into the communist's right eye!
Amidst the panicked sounds of battle, the more observant bowienauts notice the approaching sound of heavy armour, and the ceaseless wail of a nearby siren!
VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS
EFFECTS IN EFFECTNone.
Player: Talarion
Name: Steve Irwin, Level Three Crocodile Hunter
Status:Inventory: Khaki Shorts, Mate.
Wounds: [HP:68/75] |
Light Knee Bleeding |
Heavily Bleeding Guts!Skills: Croc Wrestler,
Flying Emu Crocodile Takedown Move,
Croc-rider,
Oh Shit Is That... Player: freeformschooler
Name: Paul McCartney, Level Three Beatle
Status: -1 to athletic movement. Speedo-induced delirium. Severe bleeding.
Inventory: Acoustic Guitar Wounds: [HP:55/75] |
Titanium Guts! |
Right Leg Pimp Limp! |
Severe Gut Bleeding!Skills: The Power of Gentle Loving,
That's a Catchy Tun-arrgh!,
Frog Chorus,
I'm Not a Fighter, Man! Player: Toaster
Name: Davy Crockett, Level Three King of the Wild Frontier
Status: Cover from N.
Inventory: Bowie Knife, Flintlock Rifle,
Boone,
Facial Protection Catmask,
Miaowskin-facehat, severed left arm (in face),
Armface.
Wounds: [HP:65/75] |
Severed Left Arm! |
Heavy Left Leg Gash!Skills: Crack Shot,
Ohio Leap,
MIGHTY TEXAS BOOT,
You May All Go to Hell... Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level Three Philosopher
Status: -1 to left arm. Retching. Cover from N.
Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit,
M60 Machine Gun.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Bent Left Arm!Skills: Multiply This! Literal Mathemagics,
Archimedes Heat Ray,
Absent Minded! I am aware that Paul McCartney is English. Obviously if he had rolled a six, it would have been God Save the Queen and communists would have fallen by the dozen. Rather than alerted by the dozen. Which is what that wailing siren is.
Author
Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued (Read 249277 times)