CHAPTER ONE: TURN FIVE
"Hmm... that was close one with the impaler trap. Ain't no doubt about it."
Keep moving.
Whilst
Davy Crockett heads back to see what all the
screaming noises from the rearguard are about,
Paul decides to press on, venturing
on his own into the wilderness. He quickly reaches the end of the hallway – what to do?! He looks to the left, and sees a long corridor sloping downwards and to the left, as if heading into the
depths of the communist pyramid. He looks to the right – there’s a short length of corridor before a heavy steel door.
... Deciding it’s
probably safest, while he waits for his comrades, to check out the steel door, since it’s not too far,
Paul McCartney walks cautiously up to the doorway. It seems to be clearly marked
“ENGINE ROOM”.
Tame those Cattybara's! With prodigious amounts of Reptile Wrestling Skills! (Even though they aren't reptiles...)
... “Rawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” shouts
Steve Irwin, somewhat
stunned and
covered in blood,
“A whole horde of hungry croccobaras!” he adds, his vision clearly impeded by the shock and the blood and the broken eye and the croccobara covering his face.
“Crikey mate!”In a flash Stevo leaps to his feet, pulling the vicious croccobara off his head and
wrestling it to the floor. He knees the
hungry bastard in the left nostril! He punches the
beast in the guts! He grabs the
commie footsoldier by the feet and smacks his
head against the wall!
... The croccobara explodes! The severed blood flies off in an enormous arc!
Blood raining down from the ceiling, Steve can
barely see across the other side of the small room where
Archimedes seems to be holding off
another croccobara, so he stumbles across to help.
He slips on the liquid blood!
Wounds Acquired! Steve Irwin:
Bruised Head!“Oh no, mate!” cries out
Aussie National Hero Steve,
“That must be like karma or something for so brutally slaying one of my beloved conservation targets! Jeez, that’ll teach me for bein’ such a bleedin’ galah! Strewth!”Archimedes hadn't noticed his right rib breaking(those aren't important, they grow back afterall). His attention was focused on the Green mathematically important box. He tries get up and grab the box. If he succeeds, he will use it to violently add the Cattybara that punched him to the Cattybara blocking the door, which will hopefully equal 2 knockedout Cattybara's. If he can't reach the box, he attempts to grab his rifle.
Grab math box, use it to slam Cattybara 1 into cattybara 2
... Too busy fighting off the fiendish cattybara punching him in the guts to notice his right rib breaking,
Archimedes of Syracuse is much too busy to notice it suddenly and
miraculously growing back!
“Strewth, mate!” he thinks to himself, for some reason – but then he spots the mathematically significant
green box on the wall! The vengeful mathematician quickly puts two and two together… and gets two! Two knocked out cattybaras, that is!
“
+ 
+ = ?”
“Pah!” shouts Archimedes,
... as he manages to struggle away from the
relentless crushing assault of the four foot tall commie cat-beast.
“Who needs mathematics when I can have FREEDOM!”Archimedes
elbows the cattybara in the right eye before sprinting past his incomprehensible comrade Irwin, manfully struggling with a giant cattybara on his head, watching in awe as the Australian tears the communist off his head and
smashes him to
smithereens against the nearby wall. Archimedes reaches the green box on the wall! He
grabs it! He turns and sees the elbowed cattybara steaming towards him!
Suddenly the room
explodes in a shower of blood!
... Archimedes lets
go of the Chinese first aid kit,
yelping with unrestrained
glee as it flies towards the communist, smacking him full in the guts and propelling him across the room! The cattybara hits the cattybara!
... The second cattybara slams against the door! He looks
dazed but he gets straight up: he looks super angry!
The flying cattybara slumps in a heap at his feet, retching
profusely.
The second cattybara looks really even more super pissed! He runs towards Archimedes,
sharp curved knife drawn!
Suddenly Stevo’s now
decadent western red crocodile crawls out from under the vomiting cattybara, drenched in blood and
retchjuice. He leaps through the air! He snaps the running cattybara in two!
The vomiting cattybara screams in horror at this
atrocious sight. He passes out from the pain!
Crockett sighs
Go back to bail out the other two.
Aghast at his comrades’
incompetence misfortune,
Davy Crockett briefly can’t decide what to do. Forge ahead for the good of the
mission? Or turn back and save his
new companions?
Sighing one of his famous
sighs, Crockett turns back.
"Stay on the path, kids!" he cryptically adds, before dodging through the deadly traps and sprinting down the corridor to where
Stevo and
Archimedes were last seen. There seems to be an unholy commotion coming from behind the door!
Oh good Lord, the
sounds of brutality are appalling!
... Desperately trying to force the door open, Davy Crockett finds it stuck. He can’t get in!
He’ll have to leave his companions to their
grisly fate!
VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS
EFFECTS IN EFFECTNone
Player: Talarion
Name: Steve Irwin, Crocodile Hunter
Status: Bleeding from the eye a bit. -1 to ranged attacks.
Inventory: Khaki Shorts, Mate, Turned Chinese Red Crocodile (healthy).
Wounds: [HP:65/75] |
Broken Left Eye! |
Heavy Eye Bleeding! |
Bruised Head!Skills: Croc Wrestler,
Oh Shit Is That... Player: freeformschooler
Name: Paul McCartney, The Last Beatle
Status: Inventory: Acoustic Guitar Wounds: [HP:75/75]Skills: The Power of Gentle Loving,
I'm Not a Fighter, Man! Player: Toaster
Name: Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier
Status: Kicked a door. -1 to Right Foot rolls
Inventory: Bowie Knife, Flintlock Rifle.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Fractured Right Foot! Skills: Crack Shot,
You May All Go to Hell... Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse
Status:Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips.
Wounds: [HP:75/75]Skills: Multiply This!,
Absent Minded! 
Author
Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued (Read 249016 times)